THB 


ART   OE    CONVERSATION. 


WITH 


DIKECTIONS  FOR  SELF  EDUCATION 


NEW    YORK  : 

,  CarletoUy  Publisher,  Madison  Square. 


LONDON  :    S.  LOW,  SON  &  CO. 
M  DCCC  LXX. 


y 


V 


Entered  according  to  Act  of  Congress,  in  the  year  1881,  bj 

GEO.  W.   CARLETON. 

In  the  Clerk's  Office  of  the  District  Court  of  the  Southern  District  of 

New  York. 


CONTENTS. 


Pagt 
Preface .7 

INTRODUCTION. 
Of  Conversation  in  Greneral.         .        •        •        .15 

THE  ART  OF  CONVERSATION. 

Chap. 
-     I.     Attention  in  Conversation.       .         .         .24 
IL     Of  Inspiring  Confidence  in  Conversation.  29 
•^    m.    Personal     Appearance. — Dress.  —  Orna- 
ments   37 

'  rV.     Of  Satire,  Sarcasm  and  Teasing.           .  40 
V.     Of  Censure  and  Fault-Finding.               .  46 
•  VT.     Of  Compliments.                 .         .         .  49 
~Vn.     Of  Egotism  in   Conversation.         .         .  57 
Vlii.     Politeness — ^Its  basis — Its  Applications.  71 
"IX.     Of  Stories,  Anecdotes  and  Puns  in  Con- 
versation.              81 

X.     Of    Questioning — ^Its  Misapplication  and 

its  advantages  in  Conversation      .  90 

XI.    Taking  Liberties. — ^Impudence. — Staring.  93 


VI  CONTENTS. 

Chap.  Pagf 

XII.     Of  Argument  in  Conversation. — Of  Men 

who  are  "  always  in  the  right."          .     9^ 
XTTT.     Of  the'Influence  of  women  in  Conver- 
sation;— Married  Ladies.      .         .       104 
XIV.     Of  Disagreeable  Subjects  in  Conversa- 
tion  Ill 

XV.     The  Paradox  in  Conversation.  .         .       114 
XVI.     Of  Selfishness  in  Trifles.— Small  Sacri- 
fices   .118 

XVII.     Of  Conversation  at  Dinner-Parties   .       124 

XVni.     Of  Silent  people.— Timidity— Its  Cui-e.  130 

XIX.     Of  Correct  Language  in  Conversation.     135 

SELF  EDUCATION. 

XX.     Of  acquiring  General  Knowledge.        .  145 
XXI.     Of  Self  Instruction  in  Literary  Com- 
position or  Writing.     .         •        ,       149 

•XXn.     Of  Reading .156 

XXin.     Moral  and  Mental  Philosophy.  .       165 

XXIV.     Of  Art  in  Conversation.— ^Esthetics     .  167 
XXV.     Of  Studying  Languages  .         .       174 

XX VL     Of  Curious  and  IMiscellaneous  Eaiowl- 

edge 180 

XXVn.    Of  Science.        .        .        »  184 

APPENDIX. 
XXVnX     Of  Vulgarisms  in  Conversation    .  i99 


PREFACE. 


T  is  often  urged  against  works  like  the 
follqwing,  that  they  profess  to  teach 
what  can  only  be  acquired  by  practical 
experience. 

Keflection  over  this  objection  induced 
me  to  write  the  ensuing  pages.  And 
having  borne  it  in  mind  through  every 
chapter,  I  trust  I  may  be  pardoned  for 
dissenting  from  such  a  canon  of  criticism.  Conversation 
b  like  chemistry,  something  which  must  of  course  result 
in  actual  practice,  but  it  is  as  true  of  the  one  as  of  the 
other,  that  it  is  based  on  comprehensible  facts  which  may 
be  set  forth  in  books. 

The  truth  is,  that  this  objection  is  a  relic  of  the  old 
school,  which  jealously  restricted  all  familiarity  with  the 
elegant  arts  of  life  to  a  favored  few,  whose  interest  it  was 
to  create  the  impression  that  such  arts  were  veiled  by  a 


8  JIRT  OF  COJVVERSATIOJV. 

mystery  never  to  be  comprehended  by  the  multitude. 
This  impression  was  enforced  by  identifying  good-breeding, 
accomplishments  and  grace,  with  innumerable  frivolous 
laws  of  etiquette,  and  by  making  the  whole  depend  on 
intimate  acquaintance  with  the  fleeting  mode  or  fashion, 
which  was  however  attainable  in  perfection  only  in  a  court 
circle.  It  is  however  worth  remarking,  that  a  very  great 
proportion  of  this  elegance  of  the  old  school  "  which  no 
books  can  teach,"  was  entirely  derived  from  dancing  mas- 
ters and  teachers  of  "  style  "  —  themselves  members  of 
that  lower  class  of  society  above  which  their  pupils, 
thanks  to  their  efforts,  were  to  be  so  mysteriously  exalted. 
There  has  been  of  late  years  a  great  change  in  the 
opinions  of  the  world  regarding  etiquette  and  elegance, 
since  the  dancing  master  has  been  dethroned,  and  the 
master  of  ceremonies  no  longer  takes  precedence  of  the 
school-teacher,  clergyman  and  editor.  Social  intercourse, 
even  in  royal  circles,  is  every  day  being  based  more  and 
more  on  the  laws  of  common  sense,  of  kindness  and  of 
respect  for  the  innate  dignity  of  every  man,  than  on  the 
accidents  of  rank,  and  on  a  conventional,  Japanese-like 
etiquette.  The  laws  which  lend  grace  and  a  charm  ta 
ufe  are,  in  other  words»  becoming  more  distinctly  intelU 


PREFACE.  9 

gib*e,  and  more  capable  of  being  defined  as  sometLing 
real,  even  in  a  book. 

Not  only  within  the  past  fifty  years,  bat  actually  dur 
ing  the  present  decade,  have  there  been  striking  changos 
in  the  manners  of  gentlemen,  and  in  the  tone  of  conver- 
sation, as  regards  laying  aside  an  affected  and  silly  eti- 
quette for  the  natural  dictates  of  the  heart,  and  for  a  so- 
cial code  which  treats  the  poorest  man  as  a  gentleman, 
so  long  as  he  behaves  like  one.  Republicanism  is,  in 
fact,  becoming  the  law  among  the  most  highly  cultivated, 
while  the  worn-out  frippery  of  the  old  school  is,  oddly 
enough,  cherished  principally  by  the  wealthy  and  am- 
bitious vulgar. 

That  the  spirit  of  the  conversation  of  the  present  day 
is  infinitely  more  capable  of  being  presented  in  a  book 
than  was  that  of  the  old  school  will,  I  imagine,  be  denied 
by  no  one  who  is  impartially  familiar  with  both.  And 
such  leaders  will,  I  trust,  give  -  their  sympathy  to  a  very 
sincere  effort  which  the  author  earnestly  hopes  will  not 
be  without  effect  in  disseminating  among  the  young  men 
of  America  some  knowledge  of  the  refinements  of  social 
intercourse  as  based  upon  manliness,  common  sense,  in« 
tellectual  culture,  and  a  kindly  legard  for  the  rights  of 


10  ^RT  OF  COJVVERSATIOJV, 

others,  instead  of  the  scraps  of  an  artificial  and  shallot 
etiquette  which  is  rapidly- becoming  a  matter  of  ridicule. 

I  should  state  in  connection  with  this  subject,  that  an 
additional  impulse  to  write  this  volume  was  given  by  ex 
amination  of  a  number  of  current  works  on  society,  con- 
versation and  etiquette.  The  tone  of  nearly  all  seemed 
60  singularly  old  fashioned,  so  frivolous  and  imitative  of 
merely  superficial  "  manners,"  that  it  was  with  real  con- 
cern I  learned  that  such  books  are  sold  annually  in  in- 
credible numbers.  That  their  effect  must  be  to  make 
silly  fops,  instead  of  brave -hearted  and  truly  cultivated 
gentlemen,  is  apparent  on  every  page.  One  very  popular 
work  tells  its  reader  of  *'  A  little  book  entitled  *  The  Art 
of  Tying  the  Cravat,'  which  is  as  indispensable  to  a  gen- 
tleman as  an  ice  at  twelve  o'clock.'*  A  very  recent  vol- 
ume —  and  by  far  the  most  pretentious  of  them  all  —  de- 
clares that  our  conduct  in  society  should  consist  of  "  a 
happy  medium  between  well-directed  insolence,"  and 
'*  the  subordinating  our  own  vanity  to  the  vanity  of  oth- 
ers." Anothw  work  of  sober  tone  consists  chiefly  of 
hackneyed  moral  axioms,  and  tends  to  make  the  great 
law  of  social  intercourse  an  anxious  care  to  abstain  from 
everything  like  amusement  or  cheerftdness  —  its  hero  of 


PREFACE.  11 

a  diary  being  a  youth  who .  regretted  he  had  not  Worked 
hard  on  the  Fourth  of  July !  Another  deals  principally 
in  such  arts  as  retiring  gracefully  from  a  room,  "  which 
can  only  be  done  by  an  easy  side-step,  accompanied  by 
a  graceful  bow  "  —  a  performance  which  the  author  de- 
clares is  very  difficult,  and  requires  much  private  prac- 
tice, but  which  is  indispensable,  "  since  nothing  is  so 
rude  and  disgusting,  as  to  turn  your  back  upon  any  one." 
The  same  writer,  while  urging  the  advantages  of  what  he 
terms  "  female  conversation,"  adds  as  a  climax  to  the 
disasters  which  must  result  from  neglecting  such  conver- 
sation, that  should  you  do  so,  '*  you  will  certainly  never 
learn  to  dress  "  —  this  dressing,  be  it  observed,  consti- 
tuting a  very  important  part  of  his  manual  of  politeness. 
I  should  be  indeed  sorry  to  refer  in  such  a  manner  to 
the  writings  of  others  were  they  simply  harmless ;  but 
such  coxcomb's  doctrines  are  not  harmless,  since  they 
make  great  mischief,  in  common  with  all  that  pretends  to 
teach  young  people  that .  true  culture  is  a  matter  of  bows, 
expense,  elaborate  toilettes  and  grimaces ;  or  on  the  other 
hand  that  it  consists  of  sad  austerity  instead  of  genial 
kindness,  intellectual  culture,  joyous  appreciation  of  all 
that  is  merry  and  wise,  and  of  life  as  it  should  be  among 
dither  rioh  or  poor. 


12  -^iRT  OF  COJVVERSATIOJV. 

The  object  af  this  book  is  therefore  briefly  as  follows : 

There  is  a  strong  tendency  in  the  present  age  to  base 
the  laws  of  social  intercourse  upon  a  standard  of  dignity 
and  of  rights  common  to  all,  and  to  treat  every  one  as  a 
gentleman  and  an  equal,  so  long  as  he  behaves  civilly. 
To  do  this,  common  sense  teaches  us  that  we  must  tacit- 
ly lay  aside  most  of  that  artificial  manner  which  a  poor 
man,  however  courteous  he  may  be  by  nature,  cannot  be 
expected  to  have  learned.  It  is  on  this  ground  that  I 
would  establish  the  principles  of  conversation  and  of  cul- 
ture. 

The  reader  will  readily  understand  that  I  do  not  mean 
that  a  gentleman  should  at  ant/  time  forget  his  natural 
ease,  grace,  or  correct  language.  I  refer  simply  to  that 
indefinable  annoyance,  that  expressive  exaction  of  a  ser- 
vile deference,  which  was  as  marked  in  the  gentlemen  of 
the  old  school  as  their  shoulder-knots,  diamond  buttons 
and  swords,  and  which  is  still  common  in  the  more  pro» 
vincial  English  nobility  and  their  institutions. 

As  regards  the  rules  for  self-instruction  in  literature,  I 
would  state  that  having  during  many  years  pas^  f/«quent» 
ly  commended  them  to  persons  whose  eduoatioR  hi4  been 
partly  neglected,  and  having  witnessed  in  sevtrt"  casea 


PREFACE,  13 

results  beyond  my  expectations,  I  have  been  induced  to 
give  the  hints  in  question  a  place  in  this  volume,  with 
the  sincere  hope  that'  their  efl&cacy,  in  which  I  have  that 
faith  which  results  from  experience,  may  be  generally 
tested. 

It  is  the  application  of  the  principle  of  beginning  with 
a  few  leading  facts,  of  adding  to  them  day  by  day,  of 
constantly  reviewing  what  has  been  learned,  of  assidu- 
ously combining  and  working  up  into  new  forms  all  tho 
knowledge  thus  gained,  and,  in  short,  of  developing  the 
memory  of  the  whole  by  association,  which  forma  the 
method  of  teaching  languages,  so  successfully  followed 
by  the  pupils  of  Ollendorff  and  of  Ahn.  My  effort 
in  these  pages  has  been  to  indicate  the  plan  by  which 
this  system  may  be  practically  applied  to  the  acquisition 
not  merely  of  a  language,  but  of  any  other  branch  ox 
branches  of  learning. 

It  may  have  occurred  to  the  reader,  that  the  manner 
in  which  foreign  writers  have  found  fault  with  the  social 
peculiarities  of  the  American  people  involves  in  reality 
B  high  compliment,  since  in  judging  of  the  conduct  of 
the  mass  in  this  country,  they  invariably  adopt  as  their 
standard  that  of  the  Jirst  class  in  their  own  nation.     II 


14  ART  OF  COJVVERSATIOJV, 

would  be  preposterous  to  compare  tte  majority  of  oui 
citizens  to  the  peasants  of  Europe,  and  a  knowledge  of 
the  facts  involved  proclaims  that  moral  and  intellectual 
culture  is  constantly  making  rapid  advances  in  every  di- 
vision of  society  among  us.  Progress  in  all  things,  and 
above  all  things  in  advancing  the  dignity  of  labor,  is  in 
the  United  States  no  hackneyed  axiom,  but  a  great  and 
living  truth,  which  most  men  take  warmly  to  heart,  and 
in  which  they  live  and  have  their  being.  In  this  truth, 
thousands,  as  I  now  write,  are  risking  their  lives,  and  for 
it  thousands  of  lives  will  yet  be  offered  —  aU  to  advance 
the  sum  total  of  human  happiness. 

In  the  great  system  of  social  culture  which  occupies  so 
prominent  a  place  in  that  of  progress,  the  arts  of  freely 
communicating  our  thoughts,  and  of  acquiring  knowledge, 
are  anything  but  insignificant  If  by  the  publication  of 
a  few  chapters,  most  sincerely  written  in  the  hope  of  do- 
ing good,  and  which  I  trust  are  not  entirely  without  somo 
basis  of  observation  and  study,  I  shall  succeed  in  aiding 
though  but  a  little,  those  arts,  my  most  earnest  ambition 
wiL  be  fully  realized. 

The  Authob. 


INTRODUCTION 


OF  OONVEHSATICJr  IN  QENEBAi. 


HERE  is  no  social  art  in  -vvnich  it 
is  so  generally  desirable  to  excel,  as 
in  Conversation. 

The  man  or  woman  who  can  ful- 
fil all  the  conditions  of  talking 
well,  has  at  command  a  means  of 
success  which,  when  directed  by 
common  sense,  is  fully  equal  to  all 
the  advantages  afibrded  by  birth 
and  fortune  combined.  With  it  the  woman  of  mod- 
erate personal  attractions  can  draw  around  her  ad- 
mirers, while  the  mere  beauty  remains  a  wall- 
flower. 

Wealth  and  rank  often  lose  their  charms  to  tho 
possessor,  and  even  the  exercise  of  accomplishments 


16  JIRT  OF  CO^rVERSATJOJ\r. 

at  times  grows  wearisome.  But  the  pleasure  of 
well-sustained  social  intercourse  always  retains  its 
zest.  We  love  power ;  and  of  all  power  the  most 
agreeable  is  that  which  comes  from  personal  influ* 
ence.  It  is  for  this  reason  that  kings  and  other  very 
eminent  persons  so  often  excel  in  conversation,  and 
astonish  ^le  world  by  their  happy  faculty  of  adapt- 
ing themselves  to  the  most  varied  natures.  They 
soon  grow  weary  of  the  flattery  addressed  merely  to 
their  rank,  and  therefore  devote  themselves  to  the 
art  of  personally  pleasing,  or  of  impressing  those 
whom  they  meet.  And  as  they  receive  full  encour- 
agement and  have  every  social  advantage,  they  sel- 
dom fail  to  make  rapid  progress.  George  the  Third 
has  been  greatly  ridiculed  as  regarded  his  personal 
peculiarities,  and  yet  it  would  be  diflScult  to  point 
out  in  any  literature  the  report  of  a  conversation  so 
happily  combining  sense,  courtesy,  tact  and  wit,  as 
that  which  he  he.d  with  Doctor  Johnson,  as  we  find 
it  narrated  by  the  latter. 
"**  But  it  is  not  necessary  to  be  a  king  to  talk  well, 
except  so  far  as  acquiring  control  over  the  kingdom 
of  our  mind  is  concerned.  Every  one  who  will  de- 
vote himself  to  the  art  can  acquire  in  it  a  degree  of 
Bkill  which  will  ensure  respect  in  aixy  society.     By 


C  OJVVER  SA  TIOJV  IJV  G  EJVERAL.  \  7 

practising  dancing  you  learn  to  dance  with  ease ;  and 
by  studying  all  the  resources  of  conversation  and 
by  putting  them  in  practice  as  often  as  opportunity 
occurs,  you  will  end  by  talking  well  under  the  most 
trying  circumstances,  acquiring  ease  of  manner  and 
Belf-possession  among  those  whose  presence  would 
otherwise  be  to  you  oppressive. 

Conversation  cannot  be  entirely  learned  from 
books,  but  books  are  quite  capable  of  giving  infor- 
mation, and  of  making  suggestions  which  every  lady 
or  gentleman  of  ordinary  intelligence  can  turn  to 
good  account  in  this  art,  and  thereby  Acquire  very 
great  advantages.  The  author  was  acquainted  with 
a  gentleman  of  wide  experience  in  society,  who  was 
noted  for  his  agreeable  conversation ;  and  for  this  he 
owed  much,  as  he  confessed,  to  reading  what  had 
been  written  on  the  subject.  No  one  will  deny  that 
the  difference  between  well-bred  and  vulgar  children, 
is  in  a  great  measure  due  to  the  precepts  of  parents  ; 
and  yet  all  of  those  precepts  may  be  given  in  black 
and  white.  If  the  reader  who  is  conscious  of  any 
deficiency  as  regards  tlie  ability  to  appear  to  advan- 
tage in  society,  will  set  himself  to  work  in  good 
earnest  to  remedy  his  defects,  even  with  no  other 
ieacher  than  a  book,  he  may  be  confident  of  success 


J 


13  ART  OF  COJ^VERSATIOJ^. 

But  to  ensure  it  he  must  labor  diligently.  Nil  sint 
labore  —  nothing  without  labor.  Rules  and  exam- 
ples should  be  borne  in  mind  and  assiduously  fol- 
lowed at  all  times. 

There  is  at  least  one  great  advantage  in  acquiring 
this  very  useful  art  —  its  practice  demands  no  loss 
of  time.  On  the  contrary,  when  properly  applied  it 
saves  time.  Those  who  converse  correctly,  invariably 
induce  others  to  talk  more  intelligibly  with  them, 
and  such  people  even  in  making  bargains,  come  moro 
distinctly  to  terms.  Every  time  the  student  speaks 
to  any  one,  iie  may  turn  his  knowledge  to  advantage. 
The  porter  at  the  street  corner,  the  sailor  lounging 
in  the  sun,  the  elegant  lady  with  whom  you  exchange 
a  few  fleeting  words  in  greeting  ;  your  servant,  your 
principal,  your  officer,  your  friend,  may  all  be  made 
tD  aid  in  your  mental  culture  and  to  feel  it  —  so 
soon  as  you  by  pains  and  perseverance  begin  to  real- 
ize that  you  are  acquiring  it.  Nay,  the  most  pow- 
erful minds  can  be  led  in  any  direction  you  will,  as 
an  elephant  may  be  baited  here  and  there  by  a  child 
with  a  few  grains  of  rice,  if  you  choose  to  simply 
introduce  or  lead  the  subjects  which  pertain  to  the 
direction  required.  Rules  —  even  rules  in  books  — 
can  be  made  of  the  greatest  possible  utility  in  these 
respects. 


cojvrER SA  Tiojsr  ij\r  g  ejveral.        19 

Language  is  the  reflection  of  morals  and  manners. 
of  the  life  and  of  the  heart.  He  who  endeavors  to 
correct  his  conversation  will  also  endeavor  to  cor 
rcct  the  defects  which  control  it.  In  leaving  ofl 
abusive  expressions  one  learns  to  cure  the^  habit  of 
thinking  evil  of  others  and  of  gloating  over  their 
faults — for  after  all  said,  the  "hypocrites"  who 
play  such  a  part  in  old  fashioned  dramas  —  the  men 
who  use  language  to  conceal  their  thoughts  —  have 
become  rare  in  this  age,  because  they  succeed  in  de- 
ceiving very  few.  Many  may  fancy  themselves 
adepts  in  the  art  of  disguising  their  characters,  but 
the  vulgar,  yet  expressive,  word  "  humbug  "  seldom 
fails  to  be  commonly  applied  to  them. 

No  man  ever  gave  himself  in  earnest  for  any 
great  length  of  time  to  the  object  of  succeeding  in 
the  art  of  conversation,  and  of  thereby  making  him- 
self generally  acceptable  in  society,  without  ridding 
himself  of  many  defects,  which  if  not  positive  vices, 
at  least  had  nothing  in  common  with  goodness.  To 
converse  well  is  to  acquire  that  delicate  morality 
of  the  heart  which  leads  on  the  one  hand  to  kind- 
ness, and  is  on  the  other  mysteriously  allied  to  good 
taste  in  matters  of  life,  of  literature  and  of  art.  — 
Hence  it  will  be  found  that  in  those  circles  where  a 


20  ^RT  OF  COJVrERSATIOJV. 

very  high  standard  of  social  intercourse  is  exactedj 
and  "which  is  expressed  and  tested  by  excellence  in 
oonversation,  genius  is  most  readily  freed  from  the 
clogs  of  prejudice,  of  suspicion  and  of  vulgarity, 
Rnd  quickly  manifests  itself  in  great  works.  Tal- 
ents are  nowhere  so  rapidly  developed  as  among  peo- 
ple who  in  their  intercourse  aim  at  constant  eleganco 
and  propriety  in  discourse  or  discussion,  and  thia 
latter  is  not  the  result,  but  rather  the  cause  of  the 
development.  It  has  often  been  a  matter  of  won- 
der that  great  minds  are  more  generally  developed 
in  groups,  than  singly ;  in  cities  than  in  the  country. 
No  one  doubts  that  the  same  Anglo  Saxon  blood 
exists  all  over  America  or  England,  with  the  same 
average  of  talent ;  and  in  every  corner  of  the  two 
countries  may  be  found  highly  educated  men.  But 
how  much  greater  is  the  proportion  of  genius  which 
is  developed  into  actual  results  by  social  intercourse 
than  by  solitary  reflection  !  The  real  reason  for  it 
iaj  that  now  and  then  a  circle  is  formed  whose  mem  - 
bers  cultivate  the  art  of  mutual  expression  and  of 
mutual  intelligence  —  in  other  words  the  art  of  con-' 
versation  —  and  thereby  succeed  in  a  short  time  in 
imparting  to  each  other  not  merely  a  general 
knowledge  of  what  they  themselves  know,  but  also 


COJ^VERSATIOJ\r  ^J\r  GEJ\rERAL.  21 

what  they  themselves  are.  Among  men  and  women 
who  consciously  or  unconsciously  excel  in  conversa- 
tion, experiences  of  travel  and  of  adventure,  of  per 
sonal  intercourse  with  eminent  characters,  and  im«> 
pressions  of  remarkable  objects,  are  communicated 
with  a  vividness  which  no  written  description  can 
convey.  Tones,  gestures,  glances,  attitudes  and 
smiles  supply  a  color ^  so  to  speak,  remaining  indelibly 
impressed  upon  the  memory,  and  which  no  book  can 
ever  impart.  A  single  reminiscence  of  Lord  Byron, 
narrated  by  an  accomplished  "  conversationalist," 
has  made  upon  my  mind  an  impression  far  more  viv- 
id, and  which  seemed  to  give  a  deeper  insight  to  the 
personality  of  the  poet,  than  did  all  of  Lady  Bles- 
fiington's  written  experiences. 

It  will  therefore  be  readily  understood,  that  people 
of  ability  greatly  increase  that  ability,  and  enable 
one  another  to  produce  great  works,  not  merely  by 
mutually  meeting,  but  by  cultivating  the  art  of  con- 
versation so  that  they  may  give  and  take  knowled 
to  the  greatest  possible  advantage.  As  regards  the 
pleasure  to  be  derived  from  the  proper  exercise  of 
the  power  which  this  art  bestows,  little  need  be  said. 
One  person,  and  especially  any  one  accomplished  wo- 
man, who  excels  in  it,  is  enough  to  cast  an  air  of 


serv/ 


22      '  -fiRT  OF  COJ^VERSATIOJf. 

cheerfulness  over  a  whole  soirSe ;  to  sustain  fci 
weeks  a  spirit  of  gayetj  at  the  dullest  watering-place ; 
to  draw  together  in  any  society  and  then  draw  out 
the  best  qualities  of  every  one  to  advantage,  to 
unite  congenial  minds  which  would  otherwise  have 
remained  unknown  to  each  other,, and  in  fact  to  ex- 
ert a  genial  influence  as  of  sunshine  in  all  places  and 
at  all  times.  It  is  usual  to  attribute  such  power  en- 
tirely to  "disposition"  or  to  natural  "gifts." 
Much  is  of  course  due  in  these  happy  instances  to 
ability  or  to  "advantages,"  but  I  am  firmly  con- 
vinced from  observation,  that  after  all  it  is  chiefly 
owing  to  the  expansion  which  is  given  by  judicious 
cultivation  of  the  art  of  conversation.  The  world 
is  full  of  men  and  women  of  kindly  feelings,  and 
even  of  excellent  educations,  who  have  indeed  every 
requisite  to  not  only  achieve  social  eminence  but  to 
elevate  others  with  them  —  "if  they  only  know 
hotr"  —  that  is  to  say,  if  they  could  only  import 
their  thoughts,  sentiments  or  moods,  with  ease  and 
tact,  to  others.  ' 

It  may  not  be  in  the  power  of  any  writer  to  ren- 
der every  reader  to  this  degree  accomplished.  But 
it  is  very  possible  that  the  reader  may  by  persever- 
ance do  as  much  for  himself;  and  I  shall  have  sue- 


COJ>rVERSATIOJ\r  LX  GETTER AL,  23 

ceeded  in  my  object,  should  I  be  so  fortunate  as  to 
induce  any  into  whose  hands  this  book  may  fall,  and 
who  may  be  conscious  of  a  need  of  instruction  as 
regards  the  subject  of  which  it  treats,  to  strive  to 
remedy  the  defect. 


u 


ART  OF'COJS'VERSATlOJf 


CHAPTER  L 


A.TTENTION    IN    CONVERSATION. 


■/%^^ 


HE  best  talkers  are  the  best  listen- 
ers "  is  an  axiom  which  has  been 
repeated,  in  one  form  or  the  oth- 
er, in  every  cultivated  language. 
"  The  duty  of  paying  attention  to 
what  other  people  say  is  a  funda- 
mental law  of  the  social  code." 
You  may  be  able  to  startle  with 
your  wit,  move  by  your  pathos,  and 
thrill  with  your  eloquence  —  but  all  this  will  not 
Have  you  from  being  frequently  a  positive  annoyance 
unless  you  have  occasionally  what  Sidney  Smith  de- 
•ired  in  a  loquacious  gentleman  —  a  few  flashes  of 
silence. 
J  The  duller  tho  intellect  and  the  more  limited  th« 


ATTE^TIOJV  IJ>r  COJ\'VERSATIOJV.        25 

knowledge  and  experience  maj  be  of  the  person  with 
whom  you  talk,  the  more  will  he  wish  to  hear  him- 
Bclf,  and  the  less  will  he  desire  to  listen  to  you, 
save  for  applause  and  flattery.  Bear  patiently  with 
such  people,  and  content  yourself  with  following  the 
example  of  Sir  Walter  Scott,  by  directing  their 
conversation  to  subjects  on  which  they  can  give  you 
useful  information.  Remember  that  there  are  few 
persons  from  whom  you  cannot  learn  something,  and 
that  everything  is  worth  knowing. 

Whenever  you  meet  with  a  man  or  woman  who 
seems  disposed,  as  the  French  say,  to  defray  all  the 
expenses  of  the  conversation,  you  would  do  well  to 
become  a  listener  and  limit  yourself  to  an  occasional 
remark,  which  you  will  have  time  to  render  piquant, 
and  which,  if  apropos,  will  make  the  greater  impres- 
sion on  your  "  subject."  Patience  is  the  first  of  all 
social  virtues,  but  Silence  is  her  most  useful  hand- 
maid. And  though  you  be  even  a  Job  by  nature, 
you  will  seldom  take  part  in  a  conversation  in 
which  the  two  may  not  aid  you.  I  can  safely 
Pay,  that  in  reviewing  my  own  studies  of  conversa- 
tion I  find  that  those  who  produced  the  most  favor- 
able impression  on  all,  were  men  or  women  who  in- 
dicated the  possession  of  great  patience.     No  degree 


26  ^^RT  OF  COJVVERSATIOSr 

of  brilliancy  or  of  knowledge  will  impress  well 
bred  people  with  a  sense  of  superiority  at  all  com- 
parable to  that  which  is  awakened  by  patience  and 
self-command.  It  is  the  true  basis  of  the  savoir 
/aire,  or  "knowing  how  to  act  correctly  under  all 
circumstances,"  which  is  the  whole  art  of  being  a 
man  of  the  world. 

It  would  be  well  if  every  one  would  once  a  day 
reflect  on  the  proverb  which  states  that  we  seldom  get 
into  trouble  by  saying  too  little,  but  very  often  by 
saying  too  much. 

There  is  an  inexpressible  courtesy  and  a  true  no- 
bility in  deference  and  in  attention  when  paid  by 
children  to  parents  ;  by  young  girls  or  ladies  to  any 
who  are  older  than  themselves,  or  by  young  men  to 
any  one.  It  indicates  a  very  high  degree  of  culture 
and  refinement,  and  is  an  unfailing  omen  of  success 
in  life.  But  it  becomes  far  more  beautiful  and 
noble  when  manifested  by  either  old  or  young  to- 
wards inferiors.  Many  people  excel  in  courteously 
evading  or  getting  rid  of  the  conversation  of  others, 
but  the  lady  or  gentleman  has  mastered  a  much 
higher  grade  in  the  "  art  of  living  "  who  can  listen 
with  interest  to  all,  especially  to  the  poor  and  hum- 
ble, without  manifesting  impatience,  indifference  oi 
affectation  of  interest. 


ATTEJVTIOJV-  IJ^iT  COJVVERSATIOJV.         97 

V 

While  silent  in  conversation  and  while  listening,  ▼ 
never  stare  away  to  the  right  or  left,  and  be  careful 
to  avoid  all  appearance  of  inattention  or  of  abstrac- 
tedness. Look  steadily  at  the  speaker  —  if  he  of 
she  be  a  person  of  sense  it  will  be  an  admonition  to 
be  concise,  for  it  is  not  kind  to  compel  prolonged 
attention  from  those  who  are  so  courteous  as  to  be- 
stow it. 

A  French  writer  has  however,  ingeniously  ob- 
served that  one  is  justifiable  in  seeming  to  be  inat- 
tentive or  in  a  reverie  when  praised  by  another, 
or  when  a  flattering  allusion  is  in  any  way  made  to 
an  action,  a  work  or  a  remark  which  does  him  hoOr 
or. 

To  attend  to  many  persons,  or  to  look  steadily 
at  them  may  require  modifications.  I  have  soen 
women  as  well  as  men  who  to  whatever  mi^ht  be 
uttered,  not  excepting  the  lightest  jests,  never 
varied  from  a  steady  stare  which  seemed  to  say, 
"I  will  know  the  whole  truth  —  you  cainot  de- 
ceive me."  No  rudeness  was  intended,  but  the  im-  / 
pression  which  the  stare  gave  was  that  of  a  w^ant  of/ 
courtesy.     One  may  look  steadily  and  yet  p\>litelyy 

To  recur  to  my  text,  let  the  reader  never  forget 
in  any  conversation,  under  any  circumstances,  that 


28  -^RT  OF  C0J\rVERSAT10J\r. 

it  is  not  only  the  best  part  of  courtesy,  but  also  of 
policy  to  be  rather  a  listener  than  a  speaker.  Pol- 
liymnia,  the  muse  of  Eloquence  herself  is  repre 
Bcnted  with  a  fore-finger  on  her  lip  to  signify  that 
silence  if  aptly  employed  sets  off  language  to  tho 
best  advantage. 


COJ^FIDFJ\rCE  IJ\r  COJ\rVEESATIOJV. 


29 


CHAPTER  n. 


or  INSPIBma  CONFIDENCE  IN  GGKTEBSATIOir. 


REQUISITE  element  of  agree- 
able  conversation  is  that  it  be  un- 
restrained, and  to  do  this  you 
must  inspire  confidence  in  your 
discretion. 

Strive  by  every  means  in  your 
power  to  avoid  the  reputation  of 
a  tattler.  Never  repeat  to  a  soul 
a  syllable  which  was  not  intended 
for  repetition.  Make  it  a  point  of  personal  pride  to 
be  reserved  on  this  subject. 

Few  persons  seem  to  be  aware  of  the  advantages 
which  are  to  be  derived  from  having  the  character  of 
never  repeating  anything  that  is  told  them.  Most 
people  in  the  warmth  of  conversation  say  much  which 


80  -ART  OF  COJVVERSATTOJSr. 

they  trust  will  be  kept  secret,  and  quite  as  many,  it 
may  be  added,  repeat  nearly  all  of  these  confidences, 
hoping  that  an  injunction  to  secrecy  will  protect 
them  from  all  consequences.  How  can  they  hope 
that  others  will  be  more  truthful  than  themselves  ? 

But  those  who  are  truly  faithful  in  their  reserve 
enjoy  an  advantage,  as  regards  making  friends,  which 
it  Is  difficult  to  exaggerate.  With  many  women,  the 
mere  conviction  of  such  a  merit  in  a  man  is  enough 
to  insure  intimacy  and  unreserved  confidence.  He 
who  hopes  to  become  a  favorite  with  the  fair  sex  can- 
not begin  too  soon,  or  labor  too  assiduously,  in  creat- 
ing the  impression  that  the  most  trivial  secret, 
whether  imparted  to  him  or  acquired  by  accident,  is, 
in  his  keeping,  perfectly  safe.  But  it  will  be  vain 
to  attempt  to  gain  this  character  unless  it  be  found- 
ed in  fact.  A  single  bit  of  gossip  in  circulation 
stamped  with  your  name,  will  excite  general  distrust 
and  doubt  as  to  your  fidelity.  If  you  can  establish 
a  character  with  yourself  for  secrecy,  others  will 
soon  elevate  it  to  something  remarkable. 

The  whole  world  is  full  of  people  craving  for  con- 
fidence —  people  to  whom  a  secret  is  like  gold  in  a 
child's  pocket,  burning  to  be  issued.  Those  who  are 
high  in  rank  and  blessed  with  every  advantage  are 


COJSTFIDE.VLE   IJ>r  COJ\rVERSATIOJV.         31 

often  tormented  for  want  of  "  a  true  friend  ;  "  mean- 
ing  thereby  some  one  to  whom  they  can  confide  se- 
crets. And  on  those  who  will  simply  take  them 
and  keep  them,  they  are  willing  to  bestow  friendship. 
To  those  who  would  be  in  such  confidence  it  is 
enough  that  they  follow  the  advice  already  given  of 
never  being  directly  or  indirectly  the  means  of  dis- 
seminating gossip  of  any  kind.  ^ 

In  connection  with  this  subject  I  may  properly  / 
advise  the  reader  agiimst, Qjiriosity.  There  are  peo- 
ple who  cannot  see  a  letter  without  craving  to  know 
to  whom  it  is  addressed,  or  who  cannot  find  any- 
thing written  lying  on  a  table,  without  involuntarily 
picking  it  up.  The  Riul  Pry  is  the  meanest  char- 
acter of  society,  and  he  who  would  feel  superior  in 
strength  and  in  integrity  should  strive  vigorously 
to  h2^;e_nothing  in  common  with  such  a  type  of  base- 
Dess. 


/ 


Bear  continually  in  mind  the  fact  that  in  the  art    kJ 
of  conversation   the  secret  of   success  lies  not  so 
much  in  knowing  what  to  say,  as  in  what  to  avoid 
Baying.  , 

Efery  man  or  woman  of  ordinary  intelligence  can 


82  -ART  OF  COJVVERSATIOJ\r. 

by  resolutely  acquiring  information  and  imparting 
it  in  correct  language,  become  a  good  talker.  But 
to  become  a  good  conversationalist,  it  is  necessary  to 
influe-nce  the  minds  of  others.  You  must  esUblisb 
Jk  genial  and  sympathetic  tone  between  yourself  and 
the  one  with  whom  you  discourse,  so  that  in  the  end 
your  friend  may  retain  the  conviction  that  he  haa 
_„_said  nothing  which  sobeir  second  thought  would  dis- 
approve, or  to  which  you  would  recur  with  doubt. 
To  do  this  is  always  in  the  power  of  either.  It  con« 
sists  in  following  rigorously  the  simple  rule : 

^      ^'  Xfeose^lease  most  who  offend  the  least." 

It  is  not  enough  to  refrain  in  conversation  from 
annoying  those  who  are  present,  or  from  censuring 
the  absent.     It  is  extremely  characteristic  of  a  gen- 

y  tleman  or  lady  "to  abstain  from  a//^ gossip  whatever 
or  from  meddling  reference  to  other  people  and  their 
affairs.  I  am  aware  of  the  very  great  difficulty  of 
determining  what  is,  or  is  not,  proper  to  be  discuss- 
ed of  other  people.  Many  things  must  be  known, 
and  of  many  others  that  knowledge  which  at  one 
time  seems  impertinent,  at  another  proves  to  be  prop- 
er and  profitable.  The  most  sensible  people  not  un- 
frequently  show  themselves  gratified  at  learning  that 
you  are  not  ignorant  of  matters  in  relation  to^iem, 


COJVFIDFJVCE  IJ\r  C0J>rVERSAT10.Y.  33 

which,  strictly  speaking,  it  is  none  of  your  business 
to  know.  And  a  knowledge  of  the  good  or  Lad  forw 
tunes  of  those  whom  you  encounter  may  have  a  se- 
rious influence  in  determining  the  character  of  your 
intercourse. 

All  of  this,  and  much  more,  may  be  adduced  by 
those  who  defend  the  practice  of  gossiping.  Yet  it 
remains  true  that,  after  all,  those  who  least  indulge 
in  such  meddling  meanness  are  the  least  seldom  en- 
tangled in  troubles  throuo^h  io^norance.  -  To  be  able 
to  resolutely  avoid  listening  to  comments  on  the 
family  affairs,  intentions,  or  mistakes  of  other  people, 
rejjuirea  not  only  firmness  hnt  tact,  and  the  one  who 
is  possessed  of  this  will  seldom  be  involved  in  diffi- 
culties resulting  from  avoiding  gossip.  The  lady  or 
gentleman  who  can  successfully  achieve  such  a  tri- 
umph will  at  once  assume  a  high  position  as  regards 
understanding  and.  threading  the  entanglements  of 
life  and  of  society.  It  may  not  be  clear  to  the 
youthful  reader  why  this  should  be  so,  but  if  he  or 
she  will  implicitly  follow  the  rule  of  strictly  avoid- 
ing all  gossip  whatever,  the  time  will  come  when  the 
immense  advantages  gained  from  such  observance 
will  be  as  a  bright  light  over  a  whole  life  time. 

And  while  on  this  subject  I  may  appropriately  ob* 


84  -^RT  OF  COJVVERSATIOJV. 

Berve  its  connection  with  an  accomplishment  of  very 
great  importance,  which  is  generally  regarded  as  be- 
ing" entirely  a  natural  gift.  I  refer  to  tact ;  to  that 
judicious  employment  of  our  powers  just  at  the 
right  time,  which  is  so  useful  in  life.  And  with  it 
I  may  also  mention  that  happy  exercise  of  wisdom 
by  which  one  is  enabled  to  avoid  those  embarrass- 
ments into  which  the  young  are  especially  liable  to 
fall. 

It  is  the  want  of  these  gifts  which  the  inexperi- 
enced in  life  contemplate  with  most  dread.  Let 
them  console  themselves  with  the  reflection,  that  the 
most  certain  means  of  acquiring  thern^  is  to  very 
strictly  adhere  to  the  rule  of  doing  as  you  would  be 
dbnQ  by~at"aTl  tim^s^anT on"att~occasions,  firmly  re- 
sisting all  temptation  to  the  contrary.  This,  with 
the  cultivation  of  knowledge,  and  of  such  arts  of  so- 
ciety, and  accomplishments,  as  you  can  master,  will 
be  certain  to  impart,  in  time,  that  firmness  and  con- 
fidence which,  when  allied  to  grace,  invariably  be- 
stow tact  and  practical  wisdom. 

I  trust  that  the  reader  will  not  regard  these  re- 
marks as  the  mere  commonplaces  of  morality.  They 
are  matters  of  sound  common  sense  and  their  appli* 
cation  gives  the  best  possible  basis  for  forming  an  ele« 


COJVFIDEJVCE   IJV  COJyrVERSATIOJV.  35 

gant  man  or  woman  of  the  world,  of  the  type  whicli 
is  now  becoming  most  admired  and  respected.  At 
this  day  society  is  rapidly  undergoing  great  changes. 
Drinking  and  gambling  and  extravagance  are  no 
longer  encouraged  in  respectable  circles  as  they  were 
in  the  days  of  the  gentlemen  of  the  old  school,  anc! 
the  heartless  maxims  of  Chesterfield  are  now  studied 
only  in  that  second  class,  which  always  unconscious- 
ly occupies  a  position  far  behind  the  true  leaders. 
I  know  that  the  young  are  still  generally  under  the 
impression  that  brilliancy  in  society,  elegance  and 
grace  in  manner  and  in  conversation,  have  nothing  in 
common  with  love  for  all  mankind,  with  forgiving 
our  enemies,  and  with  endeavoring  assiduously  to  do 
good  in  every  way  to  old  and  young,  rich  and  poor. 
I  know  that  it  is  too  often  believed  that  tenderness 
of  heart  and  conscience  are  not  to  be  reconciled  with 
the  character  of  a  gay  man  or  woman  of  the  world, 
with  fashion  and  cosmopolite  style.  Bat  it  is  a  great 
error,  so  very  great  that  I  know  that  all  of  these 
latter  fascinations  may  be  best  acquired  with  the  aid 
of  a  good  heart.  It  is  time  the  ridiculous  error  were 
dissipated  —  that  one  must  needs  be  more  or  less 
hardened  and  frivolous  to  enjoy  life  in  its  most  ele- 
gant phases      The  truth  is,  that  the  really  best  i^eQ- 


86  ART  OP  COJVVERSATIOJ>r, 

pie  in  the  world  ought  to  be  among  those  who  best 
know  it  —  and  there  is  no  reason  why  they  should 
not  occupy  such  a  position. 

I  trust  that  the  reader  who  is  desirous  of  excel- 
ling in  conversation  will  peruse  this  chapter  more 
than  once.  Should  he  or  she  succeed  in  thoroughly 
extirpating  the  habit  of  which  it  treats,  I  might  per- 
haps conclude  with  this  page  —  so  confident  am  I 
that  one  so  much  purified  at  heart  would  through 
life  meet  with  every  social  encouragement  frcm  all 
whose  good  opinion  would  be  worth  having. 


PERSOJ\rAL   APPEARAJ^CE,  gT 


CHAPTER  nr. 

PERSONAL    APPSABASrCB.      DRES3.      OBNAMESTTS. 


N  a  well  known  French  work  on  cou- 

versation,  the  first  three  chapters  are 

devoted  to  the  teeth,  the  mouth,  and 

the  tongue.      To  those  who  would 

excel  in  the  art,  the  suggestion  may 

not  however  be  amiss  that  as  regards 

personal  appearance  there  should  be 

neither  striking  defects  nor  effects. 

Not  only  should  the  teeth^  as  the 

French  writer  suggests,  be  kept  scrupulously  neat, 

and  with  them  the  minutest  details  of  the  entire 

person,  but  the  hair  and  dress  should  be  strictly 

within  the  average  limits  of  the  fashion  of  the  day. 

The  reason  for  this  is  manifest  —  there  should  be 

nothing  to  distract  the  eye  or  divert  the  attention 


S8  ART  OF  COJVVERSATWJSr. 

from  the  expression  of  he  countenance,  or  from  the 
words  of  the  person  conversing.  The  slightest  neg- 
lect of  cleanliness  is  quite  enough,  with  the  majority 
of  refined  people,  to  mingle  a  feeling  of  disgust  with 
the  most  favorable  impressions,  even  though  they 
may  be  quite  unconscious  of  the  source  of  the  dis- 
agreeable feeling  —  for  such  defects  often  open  to 
us,  we  know  not  why,  a  long  train  of  offensive  asso- 
ciations. Neat  toilettes  and  good  clothes  are  to  be 
commended,  since  they  are  in  a  certain  sense  a  com- 
pliment to  all  with  whom  you  associate.  But  for  a 
man,  jewelry  and  striking  ornaments,  gay  colors  and 
all  that  attracts  the  eye  form  serious  drawbacks. 
People  of  experience  in  the  world,  especially  intel- 
ligent and  shrewd  women,  are  prompt  to  form  con- 
clusions from  foppish  eccentricities  of  dress,  which  are 
seldom  to  the  credit  of  the  wearer ;  and  though  they 
may  pay  a  tribute  of  admiration  to  the  ornaments  in 
themselves,  it  will  always  be  discounted  from  the  re- 
spect due  to  the  mind  of  the  one  who  bears  them. 

It  is  far  safer  to  trust  to  an  old  coat,  than  to  rely 
on  the  slightest  neglect  of  neatness  escaping  obser- 
vation. 

Cheap  imitative  elegance  is  invariably  vulgar,  and 
indicates  the  mere  fac-simile  of  what  is  in  itself  a< 


APPEABAA^CE,   HRESS,    ORJ\'AMEJ\rTS.     39 

best  little  better  than  ornamental  barbarism.     It  ia 
well  set  forth  by  Pimch  : 

'  Believe  me  if  all  these  ridiculous  charms 

"Which  I  see  on  thy  watch-guard  to-day. 
Were  to-morrow  locked  up  in  the  pawn-broker's  arms. 

Some  trifling  advance  to  repay, 
Thou  wouldst  still  be  the  snob  which  this  moment  thou  art. 

Let  thy  vanity  think  what  it  will ; 
Jrr  those  shining  red  buttons,  that  breast-pin  so  smart. 

And  those  studs,  show  vulgarity  still !  *' 

I  am  perfectly  aware  that  with  many  men  the  ten- 
dency to  gaudy  color  and  display  is  irrepressible. 
Perhaps  it  is  well  that  such  is  the  case,  since  it  is  a 
matter  of  some  importance  that  the  weak-minded 
should  be  promptly  known  whenever  met,  and  we 
may  therefore  regard  the  tendency  as  equivalent  to 
ihe  wise  provision  of  Nature  by  which  we  are  ena- 
bled to  distinguish  parrots  and  macaws  from  the  birds 
of  pleasanter  temper  and  song. 

A  lady  being  asked  what  opinion  she  had  formed 
of  the  conversation  of  a  certain  young  gentleman, 
replied :  '*  Do  not  ask  me !  I  can  remember 
nothing  of  it  all  but  a  horrible  great  red  coral  ball 
on  his  cravat,  whieh  rolled  against  all  my  ideas  and 
knocked  them  down  like  nine-pins  !  ' 


40 


ART  OF  COJVFERSATIOJV 


CHAPTER  IV. 


OF  fATERE,   SABCASM,   AND  TEASINO. 


J 


^EVER  saj  anything  unpleasant 
when  it  can  bj  any  possibility  be 
avoided. 

It  is  to  be  regretted  that  witty 
satire  and  keen  retorts  are  so  gen- 
erally relished.  Many  persons 
seem  to  be  under  the  impression 
that  without  sarcasm  social  inter- 
course must  of  necessity  be  dull.  It  is  indeed  too 
frequently  believed  that  all  wit  must  cut  as  well 
as  shine.  The  temptations  to  indulge  in  this  form 
of  rudeness  are  consequently  to  many,  irresistible. 
They  learn  that  a  single  sarcasm  or  a  stinging  reply 
promptly  conceived  and  well  expressed  often  estab- 
lishes a  reputation.    If  they  look  into  the  past,  they 


SATIRE.     SARCASM.     TEASIJS'G.  4,1 

find  that  many  men  of  letters,  statesmen  and  artists, 
who  would  otherwise  have  been  forgotten,  still  live  in 
anecdotes  which  do  credit  to  their  heads,  but  very 
little  to  their  hearts.  They  observe,  too,  that  all 
manner  of  faults  are  corrected  or  punished  by  wit, 
and  that  people  who  l^ould  otherwise  become  social 
plagues,  are  frequently  held  in  check  by  the  fear  of 
pointed  ridicule. 

But  unfortunately  very  few  observe  the  degree  to 
which  the  abuses  of  vfitty  sarcasm  out-balance  its 
benefits.  A  majority  of  ali  quarrels  and  ill-feelings 
spring  from  this  source.  Where  impertinence  is 
once  crushed  by  wit,  it  is  a  hundred  times  goaded  to 
insolence  and  revenge.  In  nearly  all  instances  of 
*'  deserved  castigations  "  by  pointed  repartee,  it  will 
bejound  they  might  have  been  avoided  without  a 
sacrifice  of  dignity,  in  some  manner  far  more  cred- 
itable to  the  intelligence  of  the  one  replying.  And 
it  should  be  borne  in  mind,  that  very  few  persons  who 
have  once  become  notorious  for  keen  retorts  fail  to 
become  positive  nuisances.  Having  brought  down 
with  a  single  shot  some  one  who  is  fair  game,  they 
end  by  setting  up  an  '^  infernal  machine  "  against 
the  wnole  world. 

It  has  been   said  that  by  strictly  avoiding  the 


42  -^RT  OF  COJ\rVERSATIOJ\r. 

temptation  to  use  slang,  we  end  by  disco\ering  not 
only  more  correct,  but  even  far  more  striking  expres- 
sions as  an  equivalent.  So  it  will  be  found  that  by 
refraining  from  satire  and  sarcasm,  wit,  far  from  bomg 
diminished,  greatly  increases  its  real  power  and  value. 
Even  when  it  is  absolutely  necessary  to  reply  to  in- 
solence with  a  retort,  and  when  the  happiest  form  of 
a  cutting  answer  promptly  suggests  itself,  you  should 
remember  that  it  is  always  possible  to  retain  the  wit 
and  administer  the-^eproof  in  a  manner  which  ex- 
presses your  disinclination  to  inflict  pain.  Such 
triumphs  of  skill  and  kind-heartedness  indicate  a  de- 
gree of  nobility  which  deeply  impresses  every  one 
whose  admiration  is  worth  winning. 

It  may  be  seriously  doubted  whether  any  person 
famed  for  frequent  satirical  retorts  was  ever  at  heart 
either  a  gentlepian  or  lady.  The  professed  "wit" 
grasps  at  his  weapons  as  naturally  as  a  groom  in  a 
quarrel  grasps  at  a  stable-fork.  A  man  whose  head 
and  heart  are  alike  cultivated  may,  like  a  gentleman, 
when  taken  unawares,  seize  the  same  implement,  and 
with  it  defeat  his  foes ;  but  he  casts  it  aside  when  all 
is  over,  as  though  he  regretted  the  necessity  which  com- 
pelled him  to  use  it.  It  is  very  significant,  that  the 
lower  the  society,,  the  greater  is  the  relish  for  smart 


r.-r^ 


SATIRE.    SARCASM.     TEASIJVG  43 

and  tart  sayings.  At  a  certain  depth  of  vulgarity  ^e 
continually  hear  in  conversation,  efforts  at  satire  fol- 
lowed by  bitter  recrimination  and  endless  quarrel- 
ling. I  trust  that  the  yomng  reader  who  aims  at  suc- 
cess in  conversation  and  at  thorough  accomplish- 
ment, will  reflect  deeply  on  this  subject.  He  can- 
not fail  to  ascertain  that  whatever  may  be  repeated 
with  admiration  of  the  wits  of  the  last  generation, 
or  of  our  own,  that  on  the  whole  this  species  of 
brilliant  vulgarity,  which  made  a  reputation  for  a 
Douglas  Jerrold,  is  rapidly  losing  ground  in  culti- 
vated society. 

There  is  a  character  to  be  very  frequently  met 
with,  which  is  too  often  imitated  by  those  desirous  of 
acquiring  an  easy,  independent  tone  in  conversation. 
I  refer  to  both  men  and  women  who  indulge  in 
"  churlish  flings  and  boorish  slurs  "  at  the  present 
or  the  absent  in  a  cool,  smiling,  easy  manner,  which 
they  fondly  believe  passes  for  polished  satire  and 
keen  irony.  Elderly  and  imperfectly  educated  fops, 
who  wish  to  be  thought  wits  and  men  of  the  world,  y 
are  much  given  to  this  style  of  impertinence.  It 
abounds,  however,  among  all  the  coarser  varieties  of 
people,  who  think  by  profuse  expenditure  and  costly 
dress,  to  cover  defects  of  intellect  and  of  early  as* 


44  '^RT  OF  COJ\rVERSATIOJV. 

sociations.  They  think  that  an  elegant  air  may  be 
put  on  as  a  garment.  Nothing  is  so  easy  indeed  to 
assume  as  this  ironical  and  personal  vein,  which  ia 
intended  to  only  slightly  annoy,  without  being  car- 
ried so  far  as  to  give  serious  grounds  for  a  quarrel. 
It  proclaims  unmistakably,  imperfect  culture  or  real 
vulgarity  endeavoring  to  masquerade  as  elegance, 
though  it  is  by  no  means  unfrequent  among  those 
whose  associations  should  have  taught  them  better. 

Avoid  at  all  times  in  conversation  all  manner  of 
liberties.  _ilTeasing  "  is  a  favorite  amusement  with 
Yj^  jn^pj,  and  is  not  unfrequently  carried,  as  regards 
i^yJiM'^^^^Q^l  victims,  to  such  an  extent  as  to  utterly  ruin 
dispositions  which  would  otherwise  have  been  excel- 
lent. It  generally  leads  to  irritation  and  insult. 
Persons  who  habitually  tease  in  any  manner  what- 
ever, directly  or  indirectly,  may  be  possessed  of 
many  excellent  qualities,  but  they  are  not  entitled 
to  true  respect ;  nor  is  any  one,  who  fails  in  respect 
towards  others,  or  in  regard  for  their  feelings. 

The  incurable  ^' tease"  who  cannot  refrain  from 
annoyances,  is  indeed  invariably  an  individual  whose 
intellect  is  in  some  respect  deficient  or  disordered, 
and  who  is  therefore  to  be  avoided.  Such  persona 
are  frequently  gifted  with  wit,  and,  occasionally,  with 


SAITS^E     SARCASM.     TEASIJVG.  45 

polished  (^not  refined)  manners,  but  thoy  are  dan- 
gerous companions,  as  their  irritating  disposition  13 
apt  to  communicate  itself  to  those  whom  thej  are  in 
the  habit  of  attacking. 


ART  OF  COjyVKRSATlOnf 


CHAPTER   r. 

OF  CEN8UEB  AND  FAULT  riNDIU'O. 

HOSE  who  would  excel  in  conver- 
sation should  beware  of  censuring. 
There  are  persons  who  seldom 
talk  without  blaming  some  one, 
or  carping,  grumbling  and  disap- 
proving. The  faults  of  others 
are  as  their  very  breath.  They 
seem  to  be  forever  looking  down ; 
and,  to  judge  them  by  their  own  accounts,  one  might 
imagine  that  they  had  never,  in  all  their  lives,  asso- 
ciated or  met  with  a  decent  or  reputable  human 
being. 

It  is  unfortunately  true  that  a  very  large  propor- 
tion of  social  conversation  consiists  of  fault-finding, 
or  of  remarks  derogatory  to  the  character  of  the 


CEJ\rS  UR  E.    FA  UL  T  FIJVDIJSTG .  47 

absent.  Here  and  there,  indeed,  we  encounter  a 
truly  noble  nature,  which  recognizes  the  vileness  of 
abusive  gossip  and  avoids  it.  I  would  have  the 
reader  adopt  such  a  character  as  an  ideal  to  be  fol- 
lowed out  at  all  risks,  at  all  times,  and  under  every 
temptation.  Let  him  resolve  every  morning  that 
no  needless  word  of  censure  shall  during  the  day 
pass  bis  lips  ;  and  when  he  shall  have  so  long  ad- 
hered to  the  resolution  as  to  feel  quite  certain  that 
he  has  cured  himself  of  the  vice,  he  may  indulge 
in  the  proud  consciousness  of  being  at  heart  not 
only  a  gentleman,  but  a  gentleman  who  has  few 
peers  in  the  first  circles  of  any  land. 

There  are  few  persons  who  do  not  regard  a  man 
or  woman  who  never  speaks  ill  of  others  as  of  truly 
noble  character.  Such  instances  of  magnanimity 
are  rare,  but  they  never  fail  to  be  duly  honored. 
In  society  their  words  meet  with  marked  attention, 
for  they  are  invariably  truthful,  and  the  world 
knows  that  what  they  say  will  be  dissolored  by  no 
malice  or  uncharitableness.  Very  elegant  and 
highly  accomplished  women  of  the  world  sometimes 
accomplish  this  great  triumph  over  the  most  insidi- 
ous fault  of  our  nature,  and  thereby  wonderfully 
increase  their  abilities  in  the  art  of  pleasing. 


48  -^RT  OF  COjyrERSATIOA". 

It  is  within  the  power  of  every  young  person  to 
make  and  keep  a  resolution  never  to  utter  a  word 
directly  or  indirectly  uncomplimentary  to  any  one 
If  such  young  persons  should  be  ojQTered  a  fortune 
dependent  upon  success  in  this,  how  earnestly 
would  they  guard  every  utterance  !  And  yet  no 
fortune  would  ever  be  of  such  real  benefit  to  any 
youth  as  a  heart  pure  and  free  from  all  carping  and 
censure. 

Owing  to  a  strange  delusion,  very  few  are  really 
aware  of  their  own  habit  of  indulgence  in  this 
vice,  though  they  readily  remark  it  in  others.  ] 
believe,  indeed,  that  the  worst  offenders  would  be 
amazed  should  they  learn  the  truth.  If  you  have 
any  doubt  on  the  subject,  set  down  thrice  a  day 
in  a  blank  book,  as  nearly  as  you  can  recal  it,  every 
word  which  you  have  said  of  any  one  which  you 
would  not  repeat  to  his  face,  or  have  said  of  your- 
self K  you  occasionally  review  the  volume  you 
will,  in  all  probability,  be  induced  to  reform  tha 
habit 


OF  COMPLJMEXTS. 


49 


CHAPTER  VI. 


OF  COMPLIMENTS. 


HE  spirit  of  a  compliment  is  the 
expression  of  something  agreeable 
to  another  person. 

It  is  therefore  absurd  to  broad- 
ly condemn  it,  since  the  whole  art 
of  pleasing  is  more  or  less  directly 
that  of  complimenting.  The  most 
benevolent  or  generous  act  to  an 
equal,  loses  much  of  its  value  if  utterly  devoid  of 
compliment  —  that  delicate  homage  by  which  we 
imply  that  certain  excellencies  or  merits  in  another 
bare  made  upon  us  a  something  more  than  superfi- 
cial impression. 

Women  —  or  men  —  who  are  not  familiar  with 

3 


50  Ai^T  OF  COJVrERSATIOJV. 

the  world,  or  skilled  in  conversation,  invariably  ex- 
press, and  perhaps  feel,  a  dislike  to  compliments. 
They  are  either  suspicious  and  doubt  the  sincerity 
of  all  praise,  or,  as  is  more  frequently  the  case,  they 
find  themselves  unable  to  turn  the  compliment  with 
an  adroit  answer  or  graceful  reply,  and  are  conse- 
quently rather  vexed  than  pleased  with  it.  Much 
of  this  comes  from  an  uneasy  fear  of  covert  ridi- 
cule, of  being  '^  quizzed  "  or  held  at  an  advantage. 
It  is  needless  to  say  that  such  feelings  or  fears  never 
annoy  a  cultivated  woman,  or  any  one  gifted  with 
proper  self  respect. 

It  is  true  there  are  compliments  to  which  objec- 
tion may  justly  be  raised.  Some  are  coarse,  some 
clumsy,  others  trivial,  and  others  worn  out;  bu: 
they  almost  invariably  correspond  to  the  character 
and  conversation  of  those  who  utter  them,  and  if 
we  are  frequently  annoyed,  it  is  generally  our  fault. 

But  no  compliment  should  be  too  severely  judged, 
unless  it  be  manifestly  a  downright  -sarcasm  or  in- 
sult in  disguise.  The  flattest  flattery  implies  at 
least  on  the  part  of  the  one  uttering  it,  a  desire  to 
commend  himself  to  favorable  consideration,  and  haa 
a  more  creditable  f^round  than  scandal,  satire  and 


OF  COMPLIMENTS.  51 

I  have  already  intimated  that  the  crownirg  excel- 
lence of  conversation,  as  a  mere  art,  is,  not  to  ac- 
quire a  reputation  for  excellency  in  it,  lest  through 
notoriety  we  lose  naturalness.  To  pay  compliments 
well,  especially  to  young  women,  one  should  not 
have  the  reputation  of  being  profuse  in  praise,  or,  as 
girls  sometimes  phrase  it,  of  "having  the  hat-full 
ready.'- 

Yet  as  every  expression  of  congenial  appreciation 
and  admiration  is  really  a  compliment,  it  is  evident 
that  the  art  should  be  cultivated  —  I  dare  not  say 
studied  —  since  a  studied  compliment  has  been  de- 
clared to  be  none  at  all,  Sincere  admiration,  ele- 
gantly or  wittily  expressed,  is  acceptable  to  most 
people,  and  is  the  most  effective  means  of  persuasion 
for  a  lover.  And  it  need  not  be  directly  oral.  Ex- 
pressive and  respectful  glances  —  not  stares,  — 
adroit  commendation  of  certain  qualities  in  other 
people  which  are  shared  by  the  one  you  compliment, 
all  belong  to  the  art.  If  we  carefully  study  any 
person's  tastes,  tendencies,  accomplishments  and  as- 
sociations, opportunities  for  sincere  and  pleasing  com- 
pliments will  occur  continually. 

Of  all  compliments  the  most  agreeable  are  those 
in  which  the  one  paying  them  seems  to  be  uncon- 


52  -^RT  OF  COJVVERSATIOJV. 

scious  of  so  doing,  and  is  at  the  same  time  warmljr 
in  earnest.  When  offered  in  this  manner  to  a  lady 
she  is  doublj  gratified,  —  first  with  the  compliment, 
and  secondly,  with  her  own  penetration  at  having 
detected  a  real  feeling  in  relation  to  herself. 

Beautiful  women  are  readily  convinced  by  a  glance 
or  by  demeanor  that  their  charms  are  appreciated. 
All  of  them,  however,  who  have  any  claims  to  cul- 
ture, will,  when  the  first  tribute  is  paid,  be  best 
pleased  with  appreciative  compliments  paid  to  their 
intelligence,  accomplishments,  ''spirit,"  kindness 
of  heart,  tastes,  habits,  hopes  and  associations.  A 
very  beautiful  woman  who  believes  that  she  has  ex- 
cited a  deep  admiration  for  some  quality  othe?^  than 
her  beauty  —  especially  if  it  be  one  for  which  the 
TTorld  gives  her  little  credit  —  is  always  gratified. 
"I  heard  that  you  said  a  very  good  thing  lately," 
''  There  is  an  excellent  remark  going  the  rounds 
which  I  hear  attributed  to  you,"  will  be  found  much 
more  gratifying  to  a  person  who  has  no  established 
reputation  for  wit,  than  to  any  other.  And  aa 
there  are  very  few  persons  who  never  say  anything 
worth  repeating,  it  is  an  easy  matter  to  pay  such 
compliments  in  all  sincerity. 

There  are  few  persons  living  who  are  not  iT\or« 


OF  C0MPLIME.YT8.  5<, 

or  le.5S  interested  in  the  opinion  of  others.  Men, 
as  a  rule,  are  gratified  to  know  not  merely  that 
women  have  praised  them  in  their  absence,  but  even 
ttat  they  have  been  favorably  spoken  of  to  the 
dames.  If  you  can  inform  A  that  you  had  con- 
versed with  B  in  reference  to  him,  and  that  the  con- 
versation had  been  such  as  to  give  B  a  favorable 
impression  of  A,  or  had  drawn  a  compliment  from 
him,  you  will  yourself  pay  an  agreeable  compliment 
by  referring  to  it,  especially  if  your  words  and  man- 
ner are  aptly  managed.  If  B  occupy  a  high  posi- 
tion, A  will  assuredly  never  forget  the  fact.  There 
need  be  neither  impropriety  or  insincerity  in  thus 
promoting  kindly  feelings  between  people. 

After  all  said  on  the  subject,  it  is  certain  that  to 
an  intelligent  and  cultivated  mind  there  are  few 
women  of  intelligence  entirely  devoid  of  personal 
attractions ;  and  almost  every  human  being,  though 
he  or  she  may  have  even  relinquished  all  claim 
to  be  beautiful,  still  clings  to  the  very  last  to 
a  fiiitb  in  a  certain  *'  expression,"  which,  improper- 
ly appreciated,  must  raise  the  whole  personality  to 
admiration.  And  instances  are  not  unfrequent  in 
which  women  who  were  either  beautiful,  piquant, 
pleasing  or   "  sympathetic,"  have  heard  so  little  of 


54  -^RT.  OF  COJVVERSATIOJV. 

the  language  of  admiration,  that  the  first  report  cf 
a  really  genial  compliment  paid  them,  thrilled 
through  the  heart  like  fire.  This  is  sometimes  the 
case  when  a  sister  has  attracted  all  the  admiration. 
There  are  again  instances  in  which  a  ladj  may  have 
a  good  enough  opinion  of  herself,  and  jet  be  quite 
incapable  of  appreciating  the  peculiar  or  real  reason 
why  she  is  admired.  I  could  cite  the  instance  of  a 
lover  of  art,  who  had  a  special  admiration  for  the 
singular  face  of  a  statue  in  the  Louvre,  and  who  had 
the  strange  fortune  to  find  it  almost  identically  real- 
ized as  a  living  fac  simile  in  the  features  of  a  young 
girl  who  was  by  no  means  accustomed  to  praise  of 
her  beauty.  Very  often,  peculiar  associations  like 
this  will  render  certain  countenances  charming  to 
us,  which  is  the  secret,  by  the  way,  why  ignorant 
boys  and  girls,  who  are  without  such  associations, 
are  extremely  critical  and  conventional  in  their 
judgment  of  personal  attractions,  while  men  of  wide 
experience  and  knowledge  are  far  more  generally 
appreciative,  and  more  easily  pleased.  In  short, 
where  wo  wish  to  compliment,  the  opportunity  to  do 
Bv  with  sincerity  and  credit  to  ourselves  is  seldom 
wanting,  when  our  tastes  are  cultivated. 

Compliments    are    frequently   uttered  as  good 


OF  COMPLIMEJ^TS,  55 

natured  jokes,  not  to  be  taken  literally,  and  yet  to 
be  accepted  as  manifesting  at  least  politeness,  Tlma 
in  a  book  on  Italy,  a  gentleman  while  admiring  a 
picture  of  Louis  XIV  surrounded  by  the  ladies  of 
his  court,  is  represented  as  remarking  that  "he 
would  gladly  have  been  in  that  monarch's  place  at 
that  time."  To  which  the  painter  of  the  picture  — ■ 
a  Frenchman  —  replied  that  "  he  certainly  knew  no 
j^entleman  who  could  have  filled  it  with  more  credit 
to  himself,  or,  more  agreeably  to  the  ladies.  Such 
a  compliment  is  a  mere  trifle,  and  cannot  go  beyond 
a  laugh  and  a  gay  reply,  but,  as  the  world  goes, 
with  many  men  and  women  it  would  produce  a  bet- 
ter impression  than  the  most  elaborate  wisdom. 

Do  not  forget,  however,  that  in  compliments  aa 
well  as  in  all  that  you  say,  the  manner,  style,  ad- 
dress and  tone  have,  in  ordinary  conversation,  quite 
as  much  to  do  with  success,  as  the  sentiment. 
Many  people  smirk  when  about  to  speak;  others 
have  an  intolerable  air  of  preamble^  which  seems  to  -/y 
promise  that  something  remarkable  (in  the  opinion 
of  the  speaker)  is  coming.  Some  acquire  a  manner 
of  saying  everything,  which  is  not  agreeable,  as  it 
betrays  consciousness  of  intending  to  produce  an 
effect.    In  short,  there  is  but  one  rule,  —  be  natural 


56  ART  OF  COJVVERSATIOJf 

By  carefully  observing  and  noting  down  soma 
scores  of  compliments,  or  of  remarks  which  have 
made  an  agreeable  impression,  and  by  studying  and 
comparing  them,  the  reader  will  be  able  to  attain 
proficiency  in  classifying  these  butterflies  of  the 
social  garden,  and  he  certainly  will  learn  to  word 
his  own  compliments  more  aptly.  This  will  be  an 
easy  matter,  since  the  proportion  of  people  who  will 
cheerfully  supply  you  with  such  as  have  been  ad- 
dressed to  themselves,  is  by  no  means  small. 

A  compliment  is  nothing  if  it  is  not  sincere,  and 
it  should  no  more  be  confounded  with  flattery,  than 
pride  with  vanity. 


EGOTISM  IJV-  COJVVERSATJOJV 


61 


CHAPTER  Vn. 


OP  EGOTISM  IN   CONVERSATION. 


N  conversation   make  as  few  refer- 
ences as  possible  to  yourself. 

Beware  of  giving  the  slightest 
indication  that  you  habitually  realize 
your  own  merits. 

This   is,   however,   equivalent   to 
urging  you  to  begin  with  first  prin- 
ciples,   and   to   conquer  the   habit, 
since  no  one  who  has  formed  it  can  conceal  it. 

Egotism  is  the  most  insidious  and  effective  poison 
of  merit.  No  matter  how  wise,  how  witty,  learned, 
brave,  or  beautiful  one  may  be,  self-consciousness 
spoils  all  its  effects,  and  even  a  child,  can  render  the 
least  vanity  ridiculous.  It  is  the  greatest  of  blem- 
3» 


58  -ART  OF  C0J\rFEIlSAT10JV, 

ishes  in  social  intercourse,  and  should  be  most  scru- 
pulously  shunned   in   its   everj  form.     A  French 
j  writer  has  spok-en  of  people  in  whose  manner  could 
(I  be  detected  '•  suppressed  vanity,"  and  of  different  va- 
i  rietics  of  such  people.     The  truth  is,  that  the  habit 
—  for  it  is  only  a  mere  habit  —  must  be  cured^  not 
disguised.      Suppressing    egotism    does   not   mean 
crushing  self-confidence  or  pride,  but  tlte  destroying 
a  silly  habit  of  continually  looking  at  self  as  another 
personage  parading  about  on  the  stage  of  life,  and 
anxiously  caring  for  what  is  said  of  it,  or  studying 
the  effects  which  it  produces.     The  fault  is  rapidly 
,    developed  by  much  indulgence  in  "  small  talk,"  and 
j     above  all  by  continually  gossipping  of  other  people 
f     —  of    families,    marriages,    engagements,     '^  atten- 
tions," fortunes,  and  what  is  said  by  everybody  of 
\    every  body  else. 

'  Men  and  women  who  are  weak  and  ignorant 
enough  to  believe  that  a  general  knowledge  of  the ' 
affairs  of  others  indicates  familiarity  with  "  society  " 
and  the  world,  are,  without  exception,  egotists  of  the 
ridiculous  stamp.  Nothing  but  a  weak  vanity  can 
induce  man  or  woman  to  become  the  "  Jenkins  "  or 
current  chronicle  of  "  the  fashion  "  in  any  city,  vil- 
lage or  hamlet.     People  not  unfrequently  encourage 


EGOTISM  IJ\r  COjYVERSATIOJ^.  59 

the  ^'  Jonkins  "  bj  smiles  and  praise,  but  thej  al- 
ways despise  the  character  in  their  hearts.  It  is 
very  easy  to  understand  that  the  giving  much 
thought  to  little  transitory  personal  trifles  of  no 
value  in  themselves,  rapidly  increases  the  fault  of 
v^hallow  vanity.  \He  who  is  continually  busy  with 
reflectIng~o»nrwGat  people  think  and  say  of  each 
other,  will  be  quite  certain  to  keep  a  place  for  him- 
self with  the  rest.  This  is  the  reason  why  in  very 
gossiping  circles  there  are  few  efforts  of  genius,  and 
few  genial  and  earnest  minds,  for  all  is  killed  by  re- 
flected egotism 

1 1  Never  speak  of  your  own  peculiarities. 
/    Many  persons  acquire  a  gay  habit  of  merry  boast- 
\  ing,  or  of  humorous  gasconading  —  so  called  from  the 
\Gascons,  a  brave  and  talented  people,  who  however  ut- 
yterly  destroy  all  respect  for  their  real  merit  by  their 
\  habits  of  vaunting.     He  who  ,would  avoid  vanity 
/  should  have  absolutely  nothing  to  do  with  it  —  not 
/    even  to  burlesque  it.     Self  is  our  most  insidious  foe, 
\     and   he  who   boasts   in  fun  will   soon  find  earnest 
thoughts  gliding  into  the  current  of  his  jests.     In 
ijhort,  avoid  everything  which  may  suggest,  however 
remotely,  to  those  with  whom  you  converse,  the  sus- 
picion that  you  think  of  the  effect  you  produce. 


60  -^RT  OF  COJVVERSATIOJy. 

There  are  people  who  can  speak  in  detail  of  them- 
selves and  their  works  without  vanity,  and  there  are 
others  who  cannot  tell  you  the  day  of  the  month 
wittout  some  ridiculous  manifestation  of  self- 
consciousness. 

I  Avoid  intimacy  with  weak  minds,  or  at  least 
'  evade  as  much  as  possible  indulging  them  in  their 
idle  gossip,  if  you  would  escape  vanity.  Ignorance 
takes  refuge  in  personality,  and  people  who  care 
nothing  for  books,  or  art,  or  amusements,  or  beautiful 
subjects  or  great  questions  of  general  interest  will  talk 
about  one  another  and  of  themselves.  *'  The  more 
culture  the  less  vanity,"  is  a  rule  by  which  one  may 
accurately  determine  the  nature  of  the  society  in 
which  he  finds  himself  If  you  are  obliged  to  asso- 
ciate with  back-biters,  gossips  and  egotists,  intimate 
to  them  as  quietly  as  you  can,  and  without  hurting 
their  feelings,  that  you  wish  to  avoid  their  favorite 
topics.  If  you  persistently  refrain  from  such  sub- 
jects for  a  few  weeks  you  will  realize  to  a  remarka- 
ble degree  the  benefit  of  such  discipline. 

Persons  who  can  be  aware  that  another  is  endeav- 
oring to  cure  himself  of  a  defect,  and  will  yet  ridi- 
cule him  for  it,  deserve  to  be  distinctly  ranked  as 
morally  vile. 


EGOTISM  Lr  COJVVKRSATIOJ^r.  Q\ 

Taking  one  vice  with  another  there  is  not  one 
which  makes  so  much  mischief  as  is  caused  bj  cen- 
'soriousness  and  gossip,  yet  we  seldom  find  vigorous 
efforts  made  to  extirpate  them,  and  it  is  bat  fair  to 
inform  the  inexperienced  reader  that  in  circles  where 
there  is  not  a  high  degree  of  culture,  he  will  meet 
with  many  who  regard  themselves  as  very  moral 
persons  who  will  actually  discourage  his  efforts  to 
avoid  gossip  and  vanity.  Let  him,  however,  perse- 
vere and  he  will  succeed.  Life  wag  never  given  to 
us  that  our  thoughts  should  all  be  given  to  the  be- 
trothals, successes,  and  private  affairs  of  people,  or 
to  what  figure  we  cut  before  them.  Had  it  been  so, 
there  would  not  have  been  the  slightest  occasion  for 
bestowing  on  us  reason  or  intellect. 

Do  not  in  conversation  refer  too  frequently  to 
scenes  in  which  you  have  figured ;  to  great  people 
whom  you  have  known ;  to  your  travels,  your  suc- 
cesses, or  to  anything  on  which  you  may  be  sup- 
posed to  congratulate  yourself  If  possible,  avoid 
recurring  often  to  trains  of  thought  and  associations 
connected  with  your  "  strong  points,"  since  most  peo- 
ple, and  especially  women,  are  very  apt  at  detecting 
vanity.  Do  not  however  as  some  do,  scrupulously 
avoid  all  mention  whatever  of  your  experiences  and 


62  -^J^T  OF  COJVVERSATIOJ^. 

fortunes.  There  are  men  who  carry  this  to  an  ah 
Burd  degree  of  affectation,  and  abstain  from  the 
slightest  reference  to  their  travels,  or  what  they 
have  seen^  or  of  which  they  werje  a  part.  This  ia 
only  vanity  in  a  more  refined  form.  Many  "  honest 
folk  "  expect  from  a  traveller,  or  any  other  who  has 
achieved  what  is  to  them  at  least  a  celebrity,  some 
entertaining  anecdotes  which  they  themselves  may 
cite.  Such  excellent  souls  can  no  more  comprehend 
motives  for  reserve  than  an  Arab  would  similar 
modesty  in  a  hadji  from  Mecca.  Whenever  you 
can  appropriately  and  modestly  draw  upon  your  ex- 
perience for  an  illustration,  do  so.  Rely  upon  it 
that  opportunities  will  not  be  wanting. 

Do  not  talk  so  as  to  display  your  wealth  or  your 
habitual  familiarity  with  it,  or  with  rich  people. 
This  disgusting  form  of  vanity  is  very  common  in 
the  United  States,  and  gives  an  excellent  standard 
for  ascertaining  the  real  social  position  and  culture 
of  many  who  are  well  guarded  against  detection  in 
other  respects.  It  is  an  insidious  fault,  and  one  full 
of  temptation  in  circles  where  money-getting  is  the 
chief  occupation.  It  displays  itself  in  the  aifecta- 
tion  of  forgetting  what  some  expensive  article  costs, 
and  in  speaking  of  expenditures  ^s  trifles,  when  thej 


EGOTISM  IJV  COJVVERSATIO.X.  68 

were  really  matters  of  serious  consideration.  It  ia 
betrayed  in  the  vulgar  habit  of  never  alluding  to  a 
wealthy  man  without  speaking  of  his  riches,  or  to  a 
respectable  family  in  modera^te  circumstanceSj  with- 
out declaring  that  they  are  "  poor  as  Job."  When 
you  are  yourself  well  off,  such  a  style  of  reference 
to  others,  especially  before  those  who  are  not  so 
prosperous,  is  truly  contemptible,  even  when  no 
"hints"  are  intended,  and  no  offence  is  given. 
This  form  of  vanity  is  also  seen  in  the  habitual  en- 
deavor to  create  the  impression  that  one's  mind  at 
least  is  familiar  with  luxury.  Such  people  talk 
nothing  but  gems  and  divans,  Tokay  and  costly 
steeds,  sables  and  three-pile  velvet.  Others  roll 
over  with  a  relish,  the  names  of  the  millionaires  of 
tlie  day,  and  will  mention  with  pride  the  having 
been  in  company  with  some  great  Shylock's  agent, 
as  though  there  were  something  gilding  in  the  very 
neighborhood  of  a  man  who  deals  in  large  sums.  It 
is  shown  in  a  tendency  to  increase  figures  when 
speaking  of  sums.  There  are  men  who,  in  narrating 
an  anecdote  of  a  wager  never  place  the  sum  at  less 
than  "  ten  thousand  dollars ;  "  and  like  them  are 
the  women  whose  friend's  diamonds  are  always  said 
to  be  worth  "  thirty  thousand.'*     The  same  vanity  ij 


64  -^^2'  OF  COJVVERSATIOJSr. 

displayed  in  volunteering  to  tell  the  price  of  everj 
article  in  your  possession,  or  in  asking  that  of  ar- 
ticles belonging  to  others  —  a  thing  which  sliould  be 
done  as  seldom  as  possible^  and  always  with  an  apol- 
ogy —  or  at  least  with  that  straight-forwardnesa 
which  in  some  persons  speaks  of  itself  a  pressing 
reason,  devoid  of  all  idle  curiosity. 

Avoid  very  frequent  conversation  on  any  subject 
in  which  you  are  notoriously  interested.  If  you 
have  a  specialty  in  politics,  religion,  or  in  any  other 
direction,  it  will  be  often  enough  referred  to  by 
others  without  your  introducing  it.  If  you  are 
physically  strong,  or  handsome,  or  accomplished  in 
any  arts,  do  not  make  strength  and  beauty  and  your 
favorite  abilities,  even  indirectly,  a  frequent  subject 
of  discussion. 

Beware  of  a  peculiar  form  of  vanity  which  con- 
sists in  making  confidences  of  your  private  affairs  to 
many  people,  and  in  binding  every  acquaintance  to 
solemn  secresy  as  to  this  or  that  matter  relative  to 
yourself  or  friends.  Weak  people  often  think  by 
such  confidence  to  attract  intimacy,  but  the^jconfided- 
in  seldom  fail,  on  reflection,  to  a4;tribute  it  to  mere 
vanity. 

Of  all  follies,  never  seek  to  make  capital  in  gen 


EGOTISM  IJV  COJSrVERSATIOJV.  (55 

eral  conversation  by  communicating  to  any  mortal 
whatever,  your  misfortunes,  grievances  and  losses. 
Whatever  momentary  sympathy  you  may  attract 
will,  in  too  many  cases,  be  entirely  neutralized  on 
the  fatal  sober  second  thought  of  th.ose  in  whom  you 
may  confide.  That  is  a  pitiful  vanity  indeed,  which 
would  sooner  expose  its  defeats  from  Fortune,  than 
not  talk  of  self  More  absurd  still  is  the  confes- 
sion of  your  private  faults  and  vices  —  a  species  of 
vanity  frequent  enough  among  would-be  romantic 
people  of  a  school  which  is  now  becoming  generally 
ridiculous.  On  this  subject  a  French  writer  hag 
well  remarked,  that  "  you  should  always  avoid  men- 
tion of  yourself,  since,  if  it  be  an  eulogium,  people 
will  regard  it  as  a  lie ;  while  if  you  criticise  your- 
self, they  will  take  you  at  your  word,  and  accept  it 
as  an  article  of  faith." 

In  short,  never  allude  in  any  way,  or  under  any 
circumstances,  where  it  can  be  avoided,  to  your  own 
excellencies  or  defects. 

It  is  very  vain  to  use  strong  and  emphatic  asser- 
tions,  such  as  "  7  know,"   "  I  am  positively  cer-  J 
tain,"   "  Yes  —  but  /  happen  to  know  all  about  it." 
It  is  intolerably  conceited,  and  in  most  instances 
'  irritates,  without  exciting  the  slightest  respoct  for 


66  ^RT  OF  COJ\rVERSATIOJ\r. 

your  declaration.  Always  substitute  "  I  tliink,' 
"  I  believe,"  "  It  seems  to  me,"  "  Excuse  mcj  but 
I  think  I  have  heard,"  &c.  It  is  not  enough  to 
limit  your  words  in  this  respect,  you  should  never 
emphasize  the  voice  too  forcibly.  One  may  say . 
'  I  beg  your  pardon.  Sir,"  with  an  expression  equiv- 
alent to  a  flat  and  insulting  contradiction. 

Still  more  vain  and  vulgar  is  the  use  of  such  ex- 
pressions as  "  H'm  !  "  "  Pshaw  !  "  "  Much  you 
know  about  it !  "  "  Stuff!  "  and  ''  Fiddlesticks  !  " 
These  expressions  and  others  like  them  of  a  strongly 
dissentient  nature,  should  never  be  uttered  by  any 
one  under  any  circumstances  whatever.  They  are 
all  rude,  as  is  indeed  every  word  and  every  empha- 
sis which  directly  expresses  denial  of  any  assertion. 

A  very  improper  manifestation  of  vanity  is  shown 
in  giving  advice  rather  with  a  view  to  displaying 
superior  wisdom,  than  to  really  assist  a  sufferer.  A 
very  common  form  of  such  weakness  consists  in  ad- 
vising in  vague  and  general  terms  which  are  of  no 
practical  significance,  and  convey  no  new  idea.  One 
may  repeat  a  hundred  times  :  "be  industrious  !  be 
thrifty  !  be  enterprizing  "  —  but  unless  the  advice 
be  accompanied  with  some  practical  illustration  or 
%I)plication,  its  result  will  in  most  cases  be  to  irritate 


EGOTISM  IJSr  COJ\rVERSATIOJ>r,  Q*l 

Nevei  talk  simply  to  hear  yourself  talk,  or  for  ef- 
fect. Be  especially  on  your  guard  against  thia 
when  more  than  one  person  is  listening  to  you,  for 
then  the  temptation  will  often  be  great  to  speak 
merely  from  display. 

Every  time  you  converse  with  any  one  it  will  be 
your  own  fault  if  you  have  done  nothing  to  create  a 
favorable  impression.  But  all  displays  of  vanity 
are  unfavorable. 

Beware  at  all  times  of  social  oratory.  The  par- 
lor lecturer  is  a  common  form  of  vanity,  especially 
among  men  of  humble  origin  who  have  unexpectedly 
developed  some  intellectual  power,  and  risen  to  a  lit- 
tle public  consideration.  Small  orators,  small  cler- 
gymen, small  poets  and  small  politicians  are  all  giv- 
en to  this  weakness.  They  love  the  sound  of  their 
own  voices  and  are  not  in  the  habit  of  reflecting  that 
all  professional  display  in  private  is  silly. 

Never  undertake  to  lead  in  conversation.  Do 
not  when  you  are  about  to  narrate  something  look 
about  and  enforce  silence.  If  you  say  good  things 
the  world  will  soon  find  it  out.  Never  try  to  be  a 
*'  lion,"  or  to  do  all  the  talking.  I  have  seen  a 
gentleman  noted  for  his  stories,  look  positively  of- 
fended after  having  monopolized  the  entire  attention 


68  -^RJ^  OF  COJVVERSATIOJSr. 

of  a  large  company  for  an  hour,  because  anptliei 
person  ventured  to  tell  a  tale  of  the  same  stamp  as 
his  own.     It  is  all  vanity. 

If  jou  remember  any  one  distinctly  after  a  long 
absence,  do  not  affect  to  have  forgotten  him,  even 
though  he  should  be  so  weak  as  to  do  so.  Noncha- 
lance is  at  best  an  ornament  of  very  doubtful  ele- 
gance, and  is  now  rather  old-fashioned.  It  is  gen- 
erally accompanied  by  egotism,  and  leads  every  one 
who  deliberately  cultivates  it  into  the  commission  of 
countless  petty  falsehoods  and  many  acts  of  real 
rudeness.  To  affect  to  forget  what  you  really  re- 
member is,  after  all,  untrue — and  honesty  is  the 
first  qualification  of  a  gentleman  or  lady.  I  would 
lay  great  stress  on  the  avoiding  this  affectation  of 
indifference,  since  it  is  unfortunately  still  prevalent 
in  all  classes  of  society.  If  you  really  cannot  at 
first  recal  any  one,  be  certain  to  speak  out  honestly 
(and  eagerly,  if  you  feel  the  slightest  inclination  to 
do  so,)  as  soon  as  you  begin  to  remember  any  cir- 
cumstance in  connection  with  your  former  inter- 
course. 

Whenever  any  instance  of  vanity  or  affectation 
strikes  you  in  others,  note  it  down  and  strictly  avoid 
it  in  future  in  your  own  person.     If  you  hear  a  per- 


EGOTISM  JJV  COJVVERSATTOJV.  69 

son  outshouting  an  entire  congregation  in  responses 
or  *'  amens,"  remember  that  vanity  seeks  for  effect^ 
and  sink  your  own  voice.  Nearly  all  eccentricity 
?rhatever  is  in  fact  only  shallow  vanity.  Avoid  odd' 
ity  of  every  kind  whatever  in  your  external  ap- 
pearance or  manners  or  conversation.  If  you  dili- 
gently cultivate  your  mind  and  study  assiduously  to 
please  in  conversation,  you  will  soon  become  noted 
and  that  in  the  most  agreeable  way. 

It  is  to  be  regretted  that  French  writers  on  eti- 
quette and  conversation  insist  so  strongly  on  vanity 
as  the  real  basis  of  all  character.  In  a  work  which 
is  in  many  other  respects  excellent,  I  find  for  in- 
stance these  axioms : 

'•  It  is  not  necessary  to  be  really  modest,  but  at 
least  attempt  to  appear  so." 

*'  Modesty,  or  that  which  seems  to  be  such,  is  a 
speculation  on  the  vanity  of  others."  * 

Let  the  young  reader  rest  assured  that  it  is  neces- 
sary to  be  modest  as  well  as  to  appear  so,  and  that 
'  that  virtue  may  be  acquired  by  practice.     By  associ- 
•^  ating  with  those  who  excel  you  in  your  own  especial 
merits,  you  will  improve  these,  and  at  the  same  time 

♦  L'Art  de  Causer,  Encyclopedie  de  la  Conversation,     Pai 
M.  Saint  Maurice,  Paris  1834. 


70  ART  OF  COJTJrERSATIOJS'', 

learn  to  avoid  vanity.  And  remember,  he  who  cul- 
tivates  modesty  does  not  disqualify  himself  for  suc- 
cess in  the  world.  In  acquiring  it  you  also  gain  con- 
fidence and  firmness.  Impudence  is  generally  the 
cloak  of  indecision  and  of  cowardice. 


POLITEJK'ESS.     ITS  BASIS  7| 


CHAPTER  Vm, 


POLITENESS.      ITS   BASIS.       ITS   APPLICATION. 


HE  basis  of  all  true  politeness  is 
kindness. 

All  politeness  should  be  real,  U^" 
and  from  the  heart.  If  you  con- 
stantly strive  to  reason  away  your  '-^'' 
prejudices  against  people,  you  will 
become  polite.  Most  of  our  dis- 
likes have  very  little  foundation. 
A  large  proportion  of  them  spring  from  idle  gossip, 
from  fancied  slights,  or  from  trials  of  our  temper 
which  we  could  very  easily  forgive,  wer.e  it  really  our 
interest  to  do  so. 

But  it  is  always  our  interest  to  keep  on  the  beat 
terms  with  every  one  who  is  not  really  bad  or  dis- 
reputable.    To  do  this  one  must  maintain  an  un- 


7:^  .iRT  OF  COJ>rVERSATlO.\- 


U' 

^o: 


ceasing  watch  over  his  or  her  temper,  and  suffer  no 

opportunity  to  escape,  however  trifling,  of  gratify- 

\  ing  others.     If  kindness  of  heart  be  the  first  requi- 

/  Bite  in  politeness,  it  is  quite  as  true  that  assiduity 

\  is  not  less  needed. 

Let  memory  be  on  the  alert  to  recal  anything 
which  may  be  agreeable  or  serviceable  to  those  with 
whom  you  converse,  and  keep  your  eyes  and  eara 
open  to  seize  the  opportunity  for  any  friendly  oflfice, 
no  matter  how  trifling.  Politeness,  be  it  remem- 
l)ered,  includes  "  polish,  elegance,  ease  and  graceful- 
ness of  manner,  united  with  a  desire  to  please  others, 
and  a  careful  attention  to  their  wants  and  wishes." 
J\  The   first   step   towards  achieving   grace    is   to  be 

j   quietly  confident  and   feel  at  ease  in  any  society. 

/  Tf  your  language  be  good,  y^our  knowledge  creditable, 
your   personal   appearance  devoid   of    eccentricity 
and  if  you  have  learned  to  avoid   making  yourself 
•'  conspicuous,"  there  is  no  reason  why  you   should 
not  bo  firm  and   assured,  anywhere.     Do  not  vex 

v/yourself  with  thoughts  of  inferiority,  but  "  be  your- 
self to  yourself,"  and  a  little  familiarity  with  the 
world  will  soon  teach  you  the  absurdity  of  timidity. 
Ease  rapidly  brings  grace  if  any  effort  whatever  be 
made  to  say  and  do  kindly  things  in  a  cheerful  and 
conciliatory  way. 


POLITEJVESS.     ITS  BASIS.  73 

t      Exercise  your  attention  and  your  thoughts  when 
ir.  company.     If  you  find  that  bashfulness  and  em-   iy^ 
barrassment  without  cause  occasionally  afflict  you 
in  society,  banish  them  by  finding  something  to  do 
or  say  forthwith.     Do  not  stop  to  argue  with  your-  *^ 
self  but  act  promptly.     Ask  for  an  introduction  to  y 
any  body,  and  talk  of  the  weather  or  the  walking, 
or  the  rooms,  or  any  trifles,  till  something  better 
suggests  itself.     The  first  step  in  politeness  is  to 
make  such  efforts,  and  they  are  a  duty.     In  society 
you  owe  them  to  your  host  or  hostess  who  does  not 
of  course  like  to  see  a  gloomy  or  embarrassed  guest. 
And  you  owe  them  at  all  times,  in  all  places,  to 
everybody,  as  a  matter  of  politeness. 

Do  not  think  it  a  matter  of  indifference  whether 
you  pick  up  a  fan  for  some  humble  old  dame,  eager^ 
ly  or  indifferently.  If  your  mind  be  active,  {a7id 
you  can  make  it  so  by  frequently  thinking  of  such 
matters,)  it  will  occur  to  you  that  a  little  attention 
of  the  kind  with  an  appearance  of  prompt,  earnest 
courtesy  is  very  gratifying  to  old  people  ;  and  there- 
fore you  will  probably  on  such  reflection  show  active 
service  with  downright  good  will.  And  if,  a  minute 
after,  you  have  an  opportunity  to  render  the  same 
courtesy  to  the  belle  of  the  ball-room,  you  will  find 
4 


74  ART  OF  COJVVERSATIuJV 

that  you  do  it  all  the  better  for  your  previous  ser* 
vice. 

The  young  of  either  sex  should  remember  that  all 
/  tho  little  attentions,  salutations,  civilities  and  graces 
/  of  "  society  "  are  as  strictly  due  in  the  home  circle 
to  sisters,  brothers,  parents  and  others,  as  at  a  party, 
\  and  that  courtesy,  like  charity,  begins  at  home. 
Boys  and  girls  should  be  taught  never  to  receive 
anything  from  the  hands  of  a  servant  without  ex- 
pressing thanks,  and  all  services  whatever,  from  all 
persons,  should  be  acknowledged  in  like  manner. 

The  higher  ladies  or  gentlemen  are  placed  in  soci- 
ety, and  the  more  refined  their  politeness,  the  more 
frequently  do  they  speak  courteously  to  servants  and 
to  all  humble  people.  French  ladies  and  gentlemen 
very  generally  salute  their  dependents  as  they  would 
their  acquaintances,  while  it  has  been  remarked  of 
the  English  in  the  highest  circles,  that  they  never 
notice  the  existence  of  those  who  minister  to  their 
wants,  and  worship  the  same  God  with  them  in  tho 
same  family-chapel,  any  more,  than  if  they  were  so 
many  machines.  Of  late  years  this  discreditable 
rudeness  has  been  a  little  modified,  but  it  is  still 
very  general. 

If  it  should  occur  to  you  that  an  article  which 


POLITEATESS.    ITS  BASIS.  7ft 

meets  your  eye  in  a  newspaper  would  interest  a  friend, 
do  not  neglect  or  forget  it,  but  take  measures  so  that 
he  may  see  it  as  soon  as  possible.  Remember  tht  t 
'  to  most  persons,  especially  to  the  young  and  to  la- 
dies,  gifts,  however  trifling,  are  always  acceptable, 
and  that  a  shell,  a  coin,  a  drawing,  in  short  almost 
lany  little  thing  is  frequently  a  very  gratifying  com- 
[pliment  indeed.  There  may  possibly  in  no  one  in- 
stance  be  a  solid  return  for  all  these  services.  You 
may  fancy  that  you  are  coldly  thanked,  and  that  your 
courtesy  has  been  churlishly  received.  But  do  not, 
as  the  vulgar  do,  grumble  over  it,  to  yourself  or  to 
others.  Remember  that  you  have  at  least  exercised 
your  heart  and  your  manners.  Persevere  in  your  ^ 
attentions  to  every  one,  and  you  will  soon  find  the 
reward  i?i  yourself.  Remember  the  Arab  proverb 
"  do  good  and  throw  it  into  the  sea.  If  the  fishes  do 
not  observe  it  God  will." 

By  remembering  all  the  instances  of  true  polite- 
ness, devoid  of  a  desire  to  display^  which  fall  under 
your  notice,  and  by  applying  them,  you  will  soon 
become  graceful  in  manner  if  not  in  body.  The  one 
however  leads  to  the  other.  Begin  by  strictly  ob- 
serving all  the  little  courtesies  of  thanks,  salutations, 
offering  places,  handing  chairs,  paying  deserved  com- 


'  ART  OF  COJ^VEHSATIOJSr. 

pliments,  and  in  fact  by  rendering  all  services  and 
attentions  to  all  people  at  all  times,  which  are  prop 
er  and  fit.  Do  not  neglect  anything  of  the  kind, 
even  to  a  person  for  whom  you  care .  very  little,  nor 
say  to  yourself:  ''  he  will  never  know  it  if  I  neg- 
lect it."  Be  up  and  acting.  It  is  a  great  step  to- 
wards politeness,  grace  and  skill  in  conversation,  to 
have  formed  habits  of  generosity  and  constant  cour- 
tesy. 

If  you  have  an  enemy,  and  an  opportunity  occurs 
to  benefit  him  in  matters  great  or  small,  act  like  a 
gentleman^  and  do  him  good  service  without  hesita 
tion.  If  you  would  know  what  it  is  to  feel  noble, 
and  "  strong  within  yourself,"  do  this  secretly  and 
keep  it  secret.  Though  you  have  no  higher  motive, 
carry  out  the  principle  for  the  sake  of  pride  and 
dignity.  A  man  who  can  act  thus  will  soon  feel  at 
ease  anywhere.  It  is  said  of  Callot,  an  eminent 
French  artist  and  engraver  of  the  seventeenth  cen- 
tury, that  he  was  once  slandered  in  a  pasquinade  by 
a  certain  nobleman  of  the  court.  At  that  time,  to 
have  one's  portrait  engraved  by  Callot  was  an  object 
of  ambition  with  the  highest  dignitaries  of  the  king- 
dom and  it  was  attained  by  very  few.  Callot*s  an- 
Bwar  to  the  injury  was  to  publish  a  superbly  execut* 


POLITEJSTESS.     ITS  BASIS.  77 

ed  likeness  of  his  enemy,  with  an  inscription  setting 
forth  his  titles  and  great  deeds.  To  this  day  the  in 
cident  is  cited  as  an  instance  of  proud  nobility  of 
soul.     Callot  was  in  the  highest  sense  polite. 

Politeness  is  shown  by  passing  over  the  faults  and 
foibles  of  those  whom  you.  meet.  Cultivate  this 
especially  towards  relations.  The  world  is  severe  in 
its  judgment  of  those  who  expose  the  faults  of 
kindred,  no  matter  what  the  provocation  may  be. 
Vulgar  families  are  almost  always  at  feud.  It  is  not 
polite  to  detail  injuries  which  you  may  have  received  ^ 
from  any  one,  unless  there  exist  some  urgent  neces- 
sity for  so  doing. 

Politeness  is  manifested  in  courteous  inquiries  after 
I  the  friends  and  family  of  those  whom  you  meet,  and 
[in  manifesting  a  cordial   interest  in  them.      It  is 
shown  by  devoting  a  little  space  in  every  letter  to 
"  remembrances  "  for  friends.     It  is  a  highly  grati-     / 
fying  form  of  politeness  to  write  occasionally  to  all  ' 
from  whom  you  have  received  kindnesses  which  will 
warrant  you  in  so  doing.     It  is  polite  to  conform 
your  dress,  and  (in  reason)  your  habits,  to  the  tastes 
and  feeling  of  those  whose  guest  or  associate  you  / 
may  be.     It  is  polite  and  complimentary  to  inquire' 
after  any  one  of  whose  acquaintance  your  friend  may 


^8  -^RT  OF  COJVVERSATIOJSr 

Lave  reason  to  be  proud.  It  is  polite  when  you  are 
a  guest  to  endeavor  to  enjoy  yourself  and  make  oth- 
ers do  so.  It  is  polite  to  those  who  are  assembled 
in  any  place,  to  avoid  heated  argument,  and  all 
noisy  remarks  or  "  remarkable  "  conduct.  It  is  po- 
lite to  promptly  ask  every  one  to  take  a  chair  who 
enters  your  house  or  office,  and  the  more  cultivated 
you  are,  the  more  widely  will  you  extend  such  cour- 
tesies to  humble  people.  It  is  polite  to  do  every- 
/  thing  for  another  which  would  gratify  him  or  her 
/  and  is  not  unreasonable.  It  is  polite  to  make  no  al- 
J  lusions  to  age.  It  is  polite  to  spare  people  elder! 
than  yourself,  and  women  of  any  age,  any  exertion 
of  personal  eflfort,  even  in  the  merest  trifles.  It  is  ' 
polite  to  take  no  notice  whatever  of  accidents  or  an- 
noying occurrences,  unless  by  so  doing  you  can  be  of 
assistance.  It  is  polite  to  make  ready  and  unstudied 
sacrifices  of  your  exertion  or  of  your  comfort  to 
gratify  others  j  as,  for  instance,  to  always  escort  any 
lady,  or  do  a  service  for  a  friend.  It  is  polite  to  \ 
suppress  your  peculiar  tenets  in  religion  or  politics 
before  those  who  differ  with  you.  It  is  polite  to 
never  take  it  upon  yourself  in  any  way  to  punish 
any  person,  unless  it  be  distinctly  your  business  to 
do  so.     It  is  polite  to  avoid  practical  jokes.     It  is 


POIITEJ\rESS     ITS  BASIS.  79 

jolite  when  you  have  offended  any  one  or  hurt  his 
feolings  in  any  way,  to  apologize  for  it.  as  clearly 
as  possible  without  reservation  or  excuse,  since  the 
more  vulgar  a  man  is,  the  more  does  he  obscure  and 
degrade  an  apologj  by  self-justification.  It  is  po- 
lite to  express  an  interest  in  or  admiration  of  that 
which  is  dear  to  others.  It  is  sometimes  more  polite 
to  accept  a  gift  or  a  courtesy,  especially  from  hum- 
ble people,  than  to  refuse  it ;  and  it  is  polite  to  show 
the  utmost  kindness  and  courtesy  to  those  who  have 
been  reduced  by  adversity.  And  it  is  something 
more  than  polite  to  interpose  and  shield  another  per- 
son from  mortification,  wounded  self-respect  and  loss 
of  dignity. 

The  young  reader  may  practise  the  politeness 
which  will  advance  him  in  the  most  elegant  society, 
in  every  hut  and  workshop.  He  may  show  it  every 
time  he  speaks  to  ^ny  person,  and  test  it  in  every 
act  in  which  another  is  concerned.  If  in  addition 
to  constant  courtesy  and  kindness  he  cultivate  the 
graces,  be  neat  in  person  and  attire,  make  a  good 
bow  is  prompt  at  offering  a  lady  his  arm,  and  become 
otherwise  personally  dexterous,  he  will  have  done 
much  to  qualify  himself  for  that  conversation^ 
which,  as   meaning    "familiar  discourse  and  inter- 


80  -^RT  OF  COJVVERSATIOJV. 

Change  of  sentiments,"  must  itself  be  entirely  qual« 
ified  by  the  nature,  habits,  and  feelings  of  any  one 
maintaining  it. 

I  trust  that  if  the  reader  who  aims  at  this  accom- 
plishment will  carefully  re-read  this  chapter,  and 
thoroughly  realize  the  meaning  and  applicability  of 
its  rules,  he  will  not  accuse  it  of  being  a  collection 
of  "mere  general  remarks"  of  no  practical  use. 
Certain  minor  requisites  popularly  connected  with 
*' politeness  "  are  indeed  not  to  be  learned  from  a 
book.  To  bow  gracefully,  to  hold  one's  head  erect, 
to  sit  properly  at  all  times  and  always  at  ease,  to 
walk  well,  to  avoid  clownish  attitudes  and  many  lit- 
tle awkward  acts,  to  eat  properly  and  conduct  one's 
self  well  in  all  respects  at  table,  require  either  fa- 
miliarity with  people  who  do  all  these  things,  or  else 
very  great  perseverance.  But  to  form,  even  unaided, 
the  great  basis  of  all  elegance  and  politeness,  is  pos- 
sible to  all.     It  is  a  duty  and  should  be  a  pleasure. 


STORIES,  AJVECnOTHS,  pujys. 


81 


CHAPIER  IX. 

01   8TOEIE8,   ANECDOTES,   AND  PUNS,   IN   CONVERSATION 


T  is  well  to  be  able  to  tell  a  good 
story,  but  it  is  better  to  be  able  to 
avoid  the  reputation  of  being  a  pro- 
fessed story-teller. 

The  same  is  true  as  regards  re- 
peating anecdotes,  puns,  quotations, 
and  other  illustrations  of  a  more  for- 
mal style  of  wit  or  of  sentiment  than 
conversation  usually  affords.  He  who  aims  at  con- 
versing well,  must  avoid  a  hobby. 

Yet  in  limiting  your  stories  to  one  or  two,  while 
in  the  same  party,  as  high  authority  advises,  I  do 
not  counsel  the  continual  repetition  of  only  one  or 

two  stories.     It  is  very  disagreeable  to  be  expected 
4» 


g2  -^RT  OF  COJVVERSATIOJV 

to  laugh  at  something  which  one  has  heard  before^ 
and  the  man  who  is  known  by  repeatmg  a  small 
budget  of  the  same  tales  to  all  his  friends,  is  invari 
ablj  more  or  less  imbecile.  What  shall  I  say  cf 
men  who  learn  one  story  of  a  professor  of  elocution, 
who  practise  it  frequently  at  home,  and  repeat  it  for 
years  on  every  occasion  ! 

Do  not  tell  a  story  unless  you  think  it  new,  oi 
/  are  at  least  confident  that  it  will  be  new  to  your  au- 
/     ditors.     Lot  it  be  m  place  —  that  is  to  say,  illustra- 
y      tive  of  son:)ething  which  has  occurred  in  conversa- 
tion, for  a  story  forced  in  at  all  hazards  is  very 
ridiculous.       Of  such    awkward   introductions  the 
jest  books  contain  the  following  illustrations  : 

"  An  Old  gentleman  had  a  story  of  a  gun,  which 
he  was  wont  to  tell  every  day  at  dinner.  As  it  was 
sometimes  difficult  to  find  an  opportunity  to  intro- 
duce it,  he  hit  upon  the  following  unfailing  expedi- 
ent. Stamping  on  the  ground  beneath  the  table,  he 
'  would  exclaim : 
^y  "'Bless  me!  what's  that?  — a  gun?  By  the 
way,  talking  of  gu?is  —  ' 

"  And  then  he  told  his  story." 

There  is  also  an  instance  of  one  who,  m  company 
with  a  celebrated  theologian,  thought  it  necessary  to 


STORIES,  AJ^ECDOTES,   PUJVS.  83 

display  Bome  Biblical  knowledge,  but  could  not,  for 
a  long  time  think  of  anything  which  seemed  apt. 
At  last,  at  a  very  unfit  time,  he  cried  out : 

"  I  do  declare  that  Samson  was  the  strongest  man 
that  ever  lived." 

''  Not  so,''  exclaimed  one  present.  "  You  your- 
self are  stronger  than  Samson." 

"  How  so?  "  asked  the  other,  in  amazement. 

"  Why,  have  you  not  just  lugged  him  in  by  the 
head  and  shoulders  ?  " 

The  jest  was  rude  and  therefore  not  to  be  com- 
mended. In  telling  stories,  study  brevity,  and  good, 
clear  English,  avoiding  all  "  fine  language,"  and  yet 
omitting  nothing  which  can  render  them  perfectly 
intelligible.  If  you  can  tell  them  without  laughing 
yourself,  the  effect  is  generally  thought  to  be  thereby 
improved.*  The  best  story-tellers  seldom  mimic 
the  voice  or  accent,  as  it  savors  of  buffoonery  and 
vulgarity,  unless  a  foreigner  be  described,  and  even 

*  Charles  Lamb,  in  his  Essays  of  Elia,  (Edition  of  Phila- 
delphia, 1859,  p.  489,)  declares  the  axiom  "  that  a  man  must 
not  laugh  at  his  own  joke,"  to  be  a  popular  fallacy,  and  •*  the 
severest  exaction  surely  ever  invented  upon  the  self-denial  of  poor 
human  nature."  ♦'  This  is,"  he  continues,  "  to  expect  a  gentle- 
man to  give  a  treat  without  partaking  of  it ;  to  sit  esurient  at 
his  own  table,  and  commend  the  flavour  of  his  venisop  upon  th« 
absurd  strength  of  his  never  touching  it  himself." 


84  -^RT  OF  C0J\rVERSAT20Jy. 

in  such  a  case,  good  taste  shows  itself  by  avoiding 
exaggeration. 

Never  vamp  up  an  old  story  with  new  dates  and 
faces.  It  is  a  species  of  falsehood,  and  will  subject 
you  to  contempt  when  detected  —  as  you  certainly 
will  be.  I  have  heard  one  who  would  be  indignant 
at  being  called  other  than  a  gentleman,  tell  a  story 
hundreds  of  years  old,  as  having  occurred  within 
his  own  experience,  and  to  his  neighbors.  What  is 
to  be  thought  of  a  man  who  would  risk  his  character 
for  veracity  and  honor  for  the  sake  of  a  jest  ? 

An  effort  at  dramatic  acting  in  story  telling  is  to 
be  avoided,  since  it  not  only  leads  to  ''over-acting," 
but  conveys  an  unpleasant  impression  of  self-con- 
sciousness of  humor.  I  do  not  refer  in  this  to  any 
truly  natural  effusion  of  merriment,  such  as  many 
natives  of  Continental  Europe  display  in  narration, 
but  to  the  manifest  effort  at  effect  which  results  from 
vanity. 

There  are  men  who  are  always  the  heroes  of  their 
own  stories,  and  others  who  will  fondly  ask :  "  Did 
you  hear  that  little  thing  I  got  off  the  other  day  ?  " 
Some  will  modestly  preface  a  jest  by  informing  you 
that  it  is  their  own^  but  perhaps  you  have  already 
heard  it,  as  it  is  all  over  the  town?     Others  will  in- 


STORIES,  AJSTECDOTES,  PUJVS.  85 

cidentallj  give  themselves  a  touch  of  gilding  b^ 
casually  mentioning  the  name  of  some  eminenx  man 
or  woman  who  was  much  delighted  "with  their  wit, 
while  certain  persons  humbly  angle  for  a  little  praise 
by  inquiring  if  it  be  not  good  enough  to  print  7 

Many  who  would  not  be  guilty  of  an  "  immoral  " 
thought,  do  not  hesitate  to  tell  coarse  stories  and 
utter  rank  jests.  As  such  wit  or  humor  invariably 
indicates  vulgarity^  either  inherent  or  acquired,  I 
cannot  too  strongly  warn  the  young  reader  who 
would  converse  well,  against  even  listening  to  such 
stuff,  lest  his  mind  should  acquire  a  taint.  Unclean- 
liness  in  any  form,  unpleasant  details  of  personal 
neglect,  anecdotes  founded  on  the  secrets  or  the  arti- 
cles of.  the  toilette,  instances  of  gross  appetite,  or 
indeed  of  any  sensual  excesses  ;  of  being  disgusted, 
and  incidents  of  ill-health,  are  all  utterly  unfit  sub- 
jects for  pleasantry,  and  should  never  be  used  as  such. 
No  prefacing  or  apology  can  render  them  excusable, 
or  remove  the  stain  of  nastiness  from  the  mind 
which  entertains  them.  It  is  worth  remarking,  that 
while  the  merely  "witty  and  wicked"  jest  general- 
ly flits  away  into  forgetfulness,  the  coarse  joke  re- 
mains to  be  too  often  permanently  fixed  in  the 
memory.    But  young  minds  which  are  contaminated 


SQ  ART  OF  COJ\rVERSATIOJ\r. 

with  coarseness  are  the  readiest  receptacles  for  all 
vice.  It  is  not  at  all  unusual  to  hear,  in  rural  dis- 
tricts, even  pious  men,  of  the  ruder  class,  "who  would 
not  for  the  world  make  the  faintest  allusion  to  any- 
thing savoring  of  "  immorality,"  still  indulge  in 
many  varieties  of  verbal  filth  which  would  cause 
some  of  the  wickedest  worldlings  of  the  cities  to  feel 
unpleasantly.  Those  who  have  carefully  studied 
children's  minds,  will  agree  with  me  when  I  attribute 
the  .development  of  much  of  that  impropriety  which 
after  (and  sometimes  before)  the  age  of  puberty, 
results  in  vice  ;  not  to  inherent  appetite,  but  rather 
to  familiarity  with  the  coarseness  disguised  as  hu- 
mor, which  is  never  reprobated  as  wicked,  though  it 
may  be  frequently  reproved  as  "  vulgar." 

Let  the  reader  rely  upon  it,  there  is  nothing 
manly  or  spirited  in  any  manifestation  of  coarseness 
whatever,  and  that  all  vulgar  wit  and  humor  simply 
excites  the  silent  contempt  of  the  well-bred  man  or 
woman  of  the  world, 

Anecdotes  should  by  all  means  be  new ;  old  ones 
are  little  insulta  A  French  author  has  said  that 
we  should  be  very  economical  in  using  even  the  best, 
as  they  form  a  sort  of  small  change,  of  which  a  man 


STOHIES,  AJSTECDOTES,  PUJfS.  87 

cf  wit  and  taste  will  avail  himself  only  on  very  great 
occasions.  A  good  anecdote,  aptly  told,  is,  however, 
a  powerful  aid  in  conversation  ;  serving,  it  may  be, 
for  a  very  brilliant  illustration.  A  man  who  never 
tells  an  anecdote  is  generally  dull ;  one  who  does 
little  else  in  conversation  is  frequently  described  as 
being  in  his  anec-dotage. 

I  do  not  agree  with  a  writer  on  conversation*  who 
exhorts  his  readers  to  invariably  attribute  the  pater- 
nity of  puns  and  conundrums  to  some  other  person, 
adding,  "if  they  have  a  success  in  the  world,  you 
can  always  reclaim  them.  But  it  certainly  is  not 
necessary,  neither  is  it  in  good  taste,  to  begin  or  end 
by  informing  the  hearers  that  such  an  elaborate 
effort  of  wit,  as  a  pun  often  seetris  to  be,  is  your  own. 
Depend  upon  it,  that  if  you  originate  many  plays 
upon  words,  you  will  acquire  quite  as  much  reputa- 
tion as  a  punster  as  any  man  need  desire,  though 
you  conceal  your  share  in  them  with  the  most  scru- 
pulous care.  Genial  humor  or  brilliant  wit,  far 
from  injuring  real  dignity  in  the  eyes  of  cultivated 
people,  increase  it ;  but  there  is  something  petty  in 
the  continual  torture  of  language  for  the  sake  of 

•  St  Meurice. 
i 

V 


I/' 


gg  -ART  OF  COJSrVERSATIOJV. 

extracting  forced  resemblances,  wliich  is  generally 
well  understood^  and  indicates  the  cause  why  the 
professional  punster  is  never  spoken  of,  as  such,  with 
much  respect.  It  has  been  thought  that  as  people 
in  the  olden  time  hired  their  cap-and-bell  punsters, 
while  modern  society  gets  its  own  for  nothing,  that 
they  are  on  the  increase ;  but  there  is  certainly  no 
corresponding  increase  in  the  degree  of  respect  which 
they  elicit. 

Good  puns  are,  however,  not  to  be  despised.  They 
may  point  a  moral,  illustrate  a  character,  and  give 
force  and  elegance  to  a  compliment.  A  pun  on  the 
incident  of  the  day  may  have  a  vast  influence,  and 
pass  into  history  as  a  curious  fact.  When  Charles 
the  Fifth  boasted  that  he  could  put  Paris  into  his 
glove  (alluding  to  Ghent,\pr  Gand,  which  was  pro- 
nounced like  (/a7i(j  a  glove),  he  made,  it  is  true,  a 
poor  pun,  but  illustrated,  with  characteristic  force, 
not  only  his  power,  but  also  the  prosperity  of  Flan- 
ders. 

It  is  well  to  learn,  from  jest-books  and  other 
sources,  what  puns  and  facetious  anecdotes  are 
already  current  in  the  world.  If  the  reader  has 
any  aptitude  whatever  for  such  matters,  he  mH  thug 


STORIES,  JIJVECDOTES,  PUJVS.  gfj 

be  soon  sufficiently  well-informed  to  be  on  his  guard 
against  those  who  would  impose  on  kim  the  shoddy 
of  wit  for  its  broadcloth.  '  Every  man,"  says  a 
writer,  "  ought  to  read  the  jest-books,  that  he  mny 
not  make  himself  disagreeable  by  repeating  '  old 
Joes '  as  the  very  last  good  thing." 


90 


ART  OF  COJSrVERSATW^t 


CHAPTER  X. 

•r   QUESTIONING.      ITS   MISAPPLICATION,   AND    ITS   ADVANTAGES  Ul 
CONVEBSATION. 


EVER  ask  a  question  to  which  a 
reluctant  answer  may  be  antici- 
pated. 

I  do  not  here  refer  to  questions 
put  to  satisfy  prying  curiosity,  but 
rather  to  a  form  in  which  some 
persons  shape  much  of  their  con; 
versation.  The  habit  is  one  which 
incessantly  involves  those  who  are  questioned,  in  dif- 
ficulties. Instead  of  remarking  that  the  weather  is 
fine,  the  questioner  asks  if  the  weather  be  not  fine  ? 
which  can  be  answered  only  with  a  commonplace 
affirmative.  Without  meaning  it,  he  either  puta 
another  in  the  position  of  one  unable  to  say  any- 


OF  QUESTIOJVlJsrO,  91 

thing,  or  compels  an  unusual  amount  of  thought  and 
evasion. 

The  questioner  asks  at  a  party,  "  What  do  you 
tliink  of  Miss  A's  dress  ?  "  thereby  casting  all  the 
responsibility  of  saying  anything  unfavorable  on  the 
other,  or  at  least  safely  leading  him,  or  her,  into 
the  temptation.  Many  show  a  great,  but  not  credit- 
able, ingenuity,  in  employing  questions  in  such  a 
manner  as  to  make  others  appear  to  discredit,  and 
yet  seem  very  little  in  the  wrong  themselves.  If 
there  be  a  manifest  unwillingness  to  answer  the 
query,  the  one  putting  it  will  smile  significantly,  and 
say:  ''Oh  — I  see;"  or,  "Ah!— a  friend?  — I 
bog  pardon."  Women  of  a  certain  grade  of  vul- 
garity seem  to  think  this  form  of  speech  very  arch, 
and  shrewd,  or  ''  cunning,"  and  employ  it  freely. 
It  is,  in  fact,  a  species  of  "  teasing,"  and  is  resorted 
to  as  giving  the  querist  a  position  of  ease  and  supe- 
riority.* 

Most  of  my  readers  have  met,  or  will  meet,  per- 
sons who  once  or  oftener  in  a  conversation  inquire, 
vaguely  :  "  What  do  you  think  of  A.,  or  B.  ?  "  ex- 

*  Mr.  Chakles  Dickens  has  in  the  character  of  '*  Rosa  Dartle,** 
in  his  novel  David  Copperfieldy  set  forth,  with  great  skill,  manj 
of  the  annoying  traits  of  the  habitual  questioner  in  coDYersation, 


92  -^RT  OF  COJVTERSATIOJyr 

pecting  no  news,  but  hoping  for  a  display  of  weak- 
ness or  dislike  on  your  part.  Such  persons  are  the 
serpents  of  society.  It  is  an  art  to  evade  them,  and 
with  them  all  impertinent,  meddling,  and  foolish 
questions.  The  self-possessed  "conversationalist  will, 
however,  find  it  an  easy  matter  to  answer  with  a 
calm,  steady,  prolonged  gaze,  before  entering  a  polite 
demurrer  against  being  thus  witness-boxed. 

Questioning  may,  however,  at  times  be  made  a 
medium  of  true  kindness  and  courtesy.  People  are 
often  willing,  nay,  anxious  to  communicate  informa- 
tion, but- are  unable  to  do  so  unless  adroitly  ques- 
tioned. A  modest  man,  who  will  not  speak  of  his 
own  exploits,  may  be  induced  to  impart  much  that 
is  interesting,  and  he  will  frequently,  and  perhaps 
very  properly,  think  he  has  been  entertaining  others, 
and  conversing  in  a  highly  creditable  manner. 

It  is  necessary  to  learn  the  art  of  asking  ques- 
tions skilfully,  but  it  should  not  be  forgotten  that 
they  ought,  in  most  cases,  to  be  prefaced  with  an 
excuse  or  some  slight  apology. 


T^KIJVG  LIBERTIES. 


98 


CHAPTER  Xli^:  i 


TAKDIO  LIBERTIES.      IMPUDENCE.      8TABIK0. 


HOSE  whose  conversation  is  in- 
spired by  courtesy  and  refined  by 
tf^^^viil  jISXs   culture,  are  the  last  to  indulge  in 
the  violations  of  etiquette  known 
as  taking  liberties. 

There  are  circles,  and  those  not 
entirely  among  the  so-called  vul- 
gar, where  liberties  are  continu- 
ally taken,  and  where  there  is  even 
an  impression  that  social  intercourse  without  them 
would  be  dull  and  spiritless.  This  belief  is  encour- 
aged by  axioms  to  the  effect  that  "  there  is  nothing 
like  a  little  impudence  to  succeed  with  the  women," 
''  nothing  venture  nothing  have,"  "  brass  is  better 
than  gold,"  and  nothing  is  given  without  asking." 


94  -ART  OF  COJSrVERSATlOJV. 

The  practical  meaning  of  it  all  is  that  the  modesty 
of  others  may  be  invaded,  and  the  ordinary  observan- 
ces of  society  freely  violated,  whenever  it  suits  the 
pleasure  of  any  one  to  do  so,  especially  if  he  can  by 
tact  or  luck  escape  punishment. 

Let  the  young  reader  determine  from  the  begin- 
ning that  anything  which  is  to  be  obtained  by  impu- 
dence may  be  secured  to  much  greater  advantage  by 
modesty,  or  at  least  by  a  careful  observance  of  all 
the  forms  of  good  breeding,  and  by  respect.  Firm- 
ness and  confidence,  enterprize  and  boldness  itself, 
have  nothing  in  common  with  impudence,  and  the 
most  daring  deeds  are  best  accomplished  when  the 
most  scrupulous  regard  to  the  feelings  #f  othera 
which  circumstances  permit,  is  observed. 

There  are  men  who  cannot  take  a  seat  in  a  piiblio 
vehicle,  who  cannot  give  an  order  at  a  hotel  table,  in 
a  word  who  can  do  nothing  while  observed  by  others, 
without  displaying  the  miserable  vanity  of  impudence. 
They  ask  the  simplest  questions  with  the  air  of  "  con- 
fidence men,"  and  read  a  newspaper  with  a  pitiable 
expression  of  conceit  and  insolence.  They  are  quick 
to  take  Dfience,  for  they  are  aware  that  they  are  fre- 
quently observed  and  understood  by  their  superiors 


TAKIJ^TG  LIBERTIES  95 

in  good  breeding,  even  among  those  whom  they  treat 
as  inferiors,  and  the  consciousness  makes  them  irri- 
table. To  remedy  this  they  take  liberties  apd  defy 
the  consequences. 

A  very  common  form  of  vulgar  impudence  is  the 
staring  at  ladies.  To  do  so  in  any  public  place  ia 
ungentlemanly,  but  to  avail  oneself  of  a  vicinity 
which  circumstances  render  unavoidable,  is  contemp- 
tible. The  man  who  will  stare  continually  at  a  lady 
across  a  hotel-table,  or  in  an  omnibus,  deserves  to  be 
arrested.  Ignorant  young  men  frequently  do  this 
under  the  impression  that  it  is  not  really  disagree- 
able to  the  other  sex  and  that  they  are  in  fact  pay- 
ing a  species  of  compliment.  Could  they  know  the 
vexation  and  annoyance  which  is  often  masked  under 
the  air  of  calmness  with  which  their  insolence  is  re- 
ceived, they  would  think  differently.  I  have  heard 
at  a  hotel,  of  instances  in  which  ladies  delayed  their 
meals  for  hours  ;  subjected  themselves  to  many  an- 
noyances and  even  left  the  house  in  order  to  avoid 
the  presence  of  some  conceited  puppy  who  possibly 
imagined  that  he  was  recommending  himself  to  their 
good  graces. 

I  have  known  a  man  who  moved  "  in  the  first  cir- 


96  ART  OF  COJVVERSATIOJV. 

cleSj"  to  intrude  into  a  private  opera-box  and  take  a 
front  seat  accidentally  left  vacant,  which  he  was  per- 
mitted to  retain,  since  each  of  the  two  parties  in  the 
box  supposed  he  was  a  friend  of  the  other,  when  in 
fact  none  of  them  were  acquainted  with  the  fellow. 
It  is  difficult  to  comprehend  that  the  temporary  ad- 
vantafire  derived  from  such  conduct  could  counterbal- 

o 

ance  the  permanent  contempt  excited  when  the  full 
nature  of  his  impudence  was  finally  understood  by 
all.  Yet  a  liberty  of  this  nature  is  of  the  kind 
which  many  persons  regard  as  rather  funny  and  par- 
donable. 

Never  infringe  on  any  properly  established  regu- 
lation be  it  what  it  may.  A  young  lady  may  be  aa 
dashing  a  Di  Vernon  as  ever  lived,  and  a  girl  of  the 
utmost  spirit,  originality  and  independence,  without 
plucking  flowers  in  public  places  where  it  is  for- 
bidden, or  asking  questions  which  she  knows  will 
be  reluctantly  answered,  or  intruding  where  she  is 
not  wanted,  and  young  men  may  in  correspond  mg 
manner  behave  themselves  with  all  regard  to  the  feel- 
ings of  other  people  without  incurring  the  slightest 
suspicion  of  ''  slowness." 

Always  discourage  forwardness  in  others  and  bo 


TJiRlJ\rG  LIBERTIES.  ^ 

.ireluctant  to  grant  favors  or  patronage  to  impudent 

i /people.     For  all  creditable  employments  they  are 

1/  less  fitted  than  the  well  bred  and  firm,  while  their 

//    honesty  is  always  questionable.     Insolence  is  of  it- 

I     self  a  lack  of  conscience  as  regards  the  rights  of 

others 


9H 


ART  OF  noj\rvEBsaTT:)jr. 


CHAPTER  Xn. 

Of  JLXGUMSirr  in  CONTEBSATION.      of  M»     who    ABE    **  ALTTATI 

IN  TDE  Riam 


ARNEST  argument  should  be  avoid- 
ed in  society  or  before  a  third  per- 
son. To  prove  yourself  in  the  right 
is  to  show  that  another  is  in  the 
wrong.  It  is  ill-bred  to  do  this  be- 
fore witnesses,  and  it  is  courteous  to 
avoid  it,  so  far  as  is  possible,  at  any 
time. 

Men  are  much  more  given  to  "  argument  "  than 
women,  and  are  far  less  sensible  of  its  absurdity. 
It  is  well  to  reason  with  oneself  as  much  as  possi- 
ble, but.  little,  beyond  a  display  of  vanity,  is  gained 
in  debating  a  point  with  another. 

For  a  man  or  woman  of  intellect  to  seriously  ar- 


AR  G  UMEJ>rT  IJ\r  COJVVER  SA  TIOJST.  99 

gue  a  point  with  one  of  inferior  mind,  experience, 
or  culture,  is  ridiculous. 

If  you  are  known  to  hold  firmly  established  views 
on  any  subject,  beware  of  conversing  much  on  it, 
except  with  those  who  perfectly  agree  with  you. 
You  will  not  aid  your  cause  or  yourself  by  dlspiit- 
ing  over  it.  If  you  are  boldly  attacked,  respectable 
people  will  give  you  much  more  credit  for  gracefully 
evading  a  strife  of  opinions,  than  for  entering  upon 
it.  Ladies  who  have  a  true  claim  to  the  name,  in- 
variably appreciate  and  admire  such  conduct  in  a 
man.  Much  more  skill  and  sagacity  may  be  shown 
in  refusing  to  argue,  than  in  so  doing ;  the  one  who 
Becks  to  escape  having  the  great  advantage  of  being 
able  to  make  his  adversary  appear  determined  to 
be  disagreeable  and  discourteous. 

The  inconvenience  of  having  a  guest  given  to  ar- 
gument, and  one  who  continually  proves  himself  to 
be  in  the  right,  is  well  illustrated  by  a  French  story 
which  I  translate,  and  which  may  serve  as  a  les'soL 
for  all  conceited  and  disputative  men. 

*'  The  author  of  the  poem  Des  Saisons — ^  The 
treasons  —  the  Marquis  do  Saint  Lambert,  intro- 
duced one  day  to  the  celebrated  Madame  Geoffrin, 
who  assembled  at  her  house  the  first  men  of  letters 


iOO  -^^^  OF  COJVVERSATlOJr. 

of  her  time^  an  estimable  man  9f  learning,  known 
dj  many  excellent  works  which  he  had  written  on 
political  economy. 

"  Madame  Geoffrin  received  him  kindly, — as  she 
did  every  one, —  and  then  the  recommendation  of 
the  Marquis  de  Saint  Lambert  was,  with  her,  of 
great  influence. 

"  For  three  months  the  poet's  protegd  never 
failed  to  be  present  at  the  lady's  receptions,  and  no 
one  complained  of  his  company,  since  he  was  a  man, 
not  only  of  learning,  but  of  taste.  One  day,  how- 
ever, when  about  to  enter,  a  servant  stopped  him  at 
the  door,  and  said  with  great  gravity  : 

*'  '  Madame  cannot  see  you  to-day.' 

''  ^  How  —  she  is  gone  out  ?  But  I  see  Monsieur 
Morellet  enter  — ^  and  Monsieur  Thomas.  Why, 
there  is  the  Abbe  Delille,  humming  an  air  at  the 
window.  —  Ha  !  good  day,  Monsieur  1' Abbe  !  How 
is  our  dear  lady  to-day  ?     I'm  sure  she's  at  home.' 

"  '  Madame,  sir,  cannot  see  you.' 

"  'But  is  she  ill,  then?  Of  course  not,  since  I 
hear  Diderot's  Ipud  laugh,  and  if  Madame  Geoffrin 
were  not  in  health  — ' 

"  '  Sir,  I  beg  your  pardon  a  thousand  times,  but 
I  have  simply  to  say  that  madame  cannot  see  you.* 


ARGUMEJVT  IJ^  COJVVERSATIOjyT.      IQl 

''  This  argument  was  irresistible,  and  the  authoi 
bowed  to  the  servant  —  for  a  true  philosopher  is  po- 
lite to  every  one  -  -  and  went  next  day  to  his  patron 
to  tell  him  of  the  event  of  yesterday. 

"  He  could  make  nothing  of  his  strange  recep- 
tion. Had  he  committed  some  blunder?  Had  he 
permitted  himself  to  say  something  indiscreet  or 
inconvenient  ?  The  author  endeavored,  but  in  vain, 
to  show  that  he  had  been  in  the  wrong,  in  order  to 
prove  that  Madame  Geoffrin  was  in  the  right.  Saint 
Lambert  listened  to  the  end,  and  only  interrupted 
the  eloquent  pleading  with  the  words,  '  you  are  in 
the  right,  my  friend ;  a  thousand  times  in  the  right.' 
When  he  had  concluded,  Saint  Lambert  took  from 
the  chimney-piece  a  letter,  of  which  he  broke  the 
seal,  and  presented  it  to  his  protege,  inviting  him  to 
read  it.  The  latter  urged  a  few  scruples,  but  finally 
opened  the  letter.  It  was  signed  by  Madame  Geof- 
frin, and,  addressed  to  the  Marquis  de  Saint  Lam- 
bert, contained  the  following  lines  : 

"  '  I  close  my  door,  my  dear  marquis,  on  your 

learned  M.  B ;  should  I  see  him  often,  I  should 

bo  vexed  to  death ;  and,  thank  heaven,  I  am  still  a 
little  attached  to  life^  thanks  to  your  friendship  and 
to  that  of  a  few  of  the  faithful  who  resemble  you 


102  -^RT  OF  coj^vehsatiojv. 

Your  M.  B is,  in  short,  intolerable  —  he  is  al- 
ways in  the  right !  ' 

*'  These  few  words  at  once  explained  every  thing 
to  the  learned  man,  and  Saint  Lambert,  as  wo  are 
assured,  gave  him  a  long  lecture  on  the  danger  of 
being  always  in  the  right,  and  on  the  necessity  of 
being  sometimes  in  the  wrong.  A  man  who  never 
risks  a  mere  opinion,  who  always  bases  himself  on  a 
logical  foundation,  on  reason,  and  truth,  must.be 
very  annoying. 

"  The  learned  author  at  once  changed  his  system 
of  tactics,  and  soon  re-entered  the  good  graces  of 

Madame  Geoffrin.     M.  B kept  his  word.     He 

became  one  of  the  most  amusing  men  of  the  circle 
whence  he  had  been  exiled ;  and  his  conversation, 
bristling  with  paradoxes  and  odd  caprices  of  wit  and 
humor,  ensured  him  many  successes.  He  became 
one  of  the  most  perfect  men  of  the  world  of  his  time, 
without  in  the  least  losing  his  reputation  as  a  politi- 
cal economist." 

In  France  the  manifestation  of  a  fixed  determina- 
tion to  argue^  is  very  properly  regarded  as  rude. 
Even  in  inferiol*  society  we  may  hear  uttered,  as  a 
reproach  :  "  Tiens  !  —  il  veut  avoir  du  raison  !  '' 
''  Ah !    he   wishes  to  prove   himself  to  be   in   the 


AR  G  UME  ATT  JJV  COJ^-VER  SJl  TIOJV       103 

right !  "  Those  who  have  seen  a  whole  dinner- 
party made  uncomfortable  by  two  desperate  debaters ; 
or  who  have  heard,  in  a  party,  voices  loud  in  dispute^ 
while  the  hostess,  seriously  annoyed  or  grieved,  al- 
most struggled  with  tears  at  the  interruption  to  the 
harmony  of  the  meeting ;  will  agree  with  me  that 
argument  in  society  is  indeed  misplaced.  It  is  wrong 
to  be  always  in  the  right. 


104  ART  OF  COJ^VERSATIOJf. 


CHAPTER  XHL 

Of  IHB  ETPLUEKCB  0?   WOMEN   OK    CONTERSATIOK.       MARBTtn 

HE  most  celebrated  groups  of  ge- 
nius which  the  world  has  ever  seen, 
may  have  consisted  exclusively  of 
men,  but  they  have  always  been 
formed  around  a  woman. 

From  the  days  when  all  the  in 
tellect  of  Greece  gathered  about 
Aspasia,  down  to  the  French  sa- 
lons of  the  last  century,  each  with 
its  beautiful  or  witty  cnryphcba,  or  centre  of  the 
chorus,  we  find  that  when  conversation  has  at  any 
period  been  raised  to  a  high  degree  of  culture,  and 
exerted  a  decided  influence  on  the  spirit  of  the  age, 
it  has  owed  its  development  in  a  great  degree  to  wo- 
men. 


THE  LYFLUEJ^CE  OF  WOMEJV.  105 

The  ability  displayed  by  Dr.  Johnson  and  Oliver 
Goldsmith  in  conversation  was  due  to  their  own  ge 
nius,  but  their  many  defects  of  rudeness,  or  of  eccen- 
tricity, may  be  fairly  attributed  to  a  want  of  famil- 
iarity in  early  life  with  women  of  culture  and  refine- 
ment. The  best  part  of  Lord  Chesterfield's  wit  and 
polish,  was  derived  as  he  himself  tells  us,  from  assid- 
uously frequenting  the  society  of  ladies. 

Every  well  educated,  amiable  and  witty  woman 
who  has  fully  acquired  "  the  art  of  society,"  has  it 
in  her  power  to  exercise,  in  connection  with  hospital- 
ity, a  very  great  influence  on  the  world  around  her, 
and  to  do  much  good.  It  is  not  enough  for  the 
scholar,  the  artist,  and  others  of  retired  habits  to 
meet  with  friends  among  women  —  they  also  require 
intercourse  with  cultivated  society  where  they  may 
rub  off  the  rust  of  retirement,  and  realize  with  pleas- 
ure that  they  are  really  in  the  world,  and  of  it. 
When  drawn  together  around  an  accomplished  hos- 
tess their  thoughts  are  more  readily  refined,  and  the 
rough  diamonds  of  their  knowledge  are  cut  and  pol- 
ished into  the  most  attractive  forms. 

Such  women  intuitively  comprehend  their  mis- 
sion, and  recognize  that  its  chief  duty  is  to  be  agree- 
able to  all^  and  to  elicit  from  each  a  display  of  hia 
6« 


106  ART  OF  COJVVERSATIOJV, 

best  qualities.  They  are  consequently  courteona  and 
attentive  to  all  who  are  presented  to  them.  The 
young  collegian  or  clerk,  the  retiring  youth  who  has 
seldom  attracted  notice  from  other  women,  is  often 
astonished  and  gratified  to  find  himself  an  object  of 
kind  interest  to  some  far-famed  belle  or  brilliant  lady- 
leader  of  society,  whom  he  had  supposed  far  too  ele- 
vated by  adulation  to  bestow  on  him  more  than  ordi- 
nary civilities.  He  does  not  know  that  it  is  her 
pride  to  make  something  graceful  out  of  such  raw 
material  as  his  mind  presents,  and  that  the  more  a 
woman  is  elevated  by  her  own  abilities,  the  more 
widely  do  her  rays  shine  on  all. 

It  is  under  the  auspices  of  such  women  that  con- 
versation ;  the  art  which  of  all  others  conduces  to 
make  social  intercourse  agreeable  ;  is  most  p(?i'fectly 
developed.  The  beneficial  influence  which  they  ex- 
ert is  in  consequence  incalculable.  The  eminent 
statesman,  the  great  clergyman,  the  celebrated  poet, 
may  imagine  that  the  evenings  spent  in  chatting 
with  an  accomplished  lady  and  her  friends  have  been 
passed  in  mere  amusement,  but  they  aie  mistaken 
Genial  influences  are  the  most  conducive  to  fresh  ex- 
ertions of  genius.  Original  ideas  are  more  rapidly 
developed  in  the  summer  of  cultivated  society  than 
in  the  winter  of  solitude. 


THE  IJVFLUEA^CE   OF   WOMEJ^.         IQ? 

It  is  a  duty  -which  every  one  owes  to  himself  to 
seek  the  society  of  such  women,  nor  is  it  less  the 
duty  of  every  lady  who  is  conscious  of  possessing 
ability,  to  exert  it  so  as  to  assemble  those  who  may 
be  thereby  benefitted  Let  her  endeavor  by  reading, 
to  qualify  herself  to  converse  intelligently  with  every 
one,  and  banish  from  her  manner  all  vanity,  and 
every  tendency  to  say  anything  disagreeable,  so  that 
only  pleasant  impressions  may  be  left  in  all.  If  she 
do  this  successfully,  she  may  rest  assured  that  she 
does  not  live  in  vain. 

It  is  to  be  regretted  that  in  England  and  in  Amer- 
ica "  the  world"  seems  to  think  that  refined  social 
intercourse  can  only  exist  when  favored  by  wealth. 
To  pass  an  evening  pleasantly  there  must  be, .  for 
many,  a  supper,  expensive  dresses,  and  the  costly 
preparations  which  give  a  festival  air  to  such  assem- 
blages. Many  women  who  are  personally  in  every 
way  well  qualified  to  do  incalculable  good,  exclude 
themselves,  in  consequence  of  limited  means,  from 
society,  and  confine  their  influences  to  the  domestic 
circle.  The  result  is  that  ladies  when  married,  and 
when  their  minds  are  expanding  in  culture  and  ex 
perience,  find  themselves  too  frequently  shut  out 
from  their  proper  sphere,  while  mere  boys  and  miss- 


108  -^RT  OF  COjYVERSATIOJST. 

es,  in  certain  circles,  constitute  and  control  society  i 
Intellect  is  transferred  from  the  head  to  the  heels,  and 
when  we  ask  what  is  discussed  at  parties,  the  appro- 
priate answer  would  be,  •'  people  dance." 

This  will  be  remedied,  and  conversation  will  be- 
come what  it  should,  when  the  silly  spirit  of  osten- 
tation is  subdued,  and  people  learn  that  it  is  possi- 
ble to  receive  friends  without  turning  their  homes 
into  restaurants.  A  lady  who  receives  company  has 
enough  to  do  in  attending  to  her  guests,  and  in  pro- 
moting conversation  among  them,  without  the  addi- 
tional anxiety  lest  a  supper  be  well  served,  and  lest 
servants  should  blunder.  Our  American  married  la- 
dies complain,  and  justly,  that  they  lose  social  influ- 
ence when  they  gain  the  wedding  ring,  but  it  is  in 
their  own  power  to  remedy  the  evil.  Let  them  re- 
ceive their  friends  freely  without  feeding  them.  In 
our  large  cities,  receptions  without  "  refreshments," 
or  with  very  little,  are  already  doing  much  good,  but 
through  the  country  the  old-fashioned  ideas  of  ''  par- 
ties "  and  what  they  should  be,  are  still  prevalent. 

Young  men  for  their  part  should  remember  that 
excellence  in  conversation,  and  refined  manners,  arc 
most  readily  acquired  by  the  "  temperate,"  and  that 
the  man  is  to  be  pitied  who  cannot  enjoy  social  in- 


THE  LNFLUEJ^CE   OF   WOMEJV,         109 

tcrcourse  without  eating  and  drinking.  He  whc 
would  influence  others,  must  not  himself  be  influ- 
enced by  appetite.  The  lowest  orders,  it  is  true,  can- 
not imagine  a  cheerful  assembly  without  the  attrac 
tions  of  the  table,  and  this  reflection  should  induce 
all  who  aim  at  intellectual  culture  to  endeavor  to 
avoid  placing  the  choicest  phases  of  social  life  on 
such  a  basis. 

It  is  almost  needless  to  advise  young  men  to  cul- 
tivate the  society  of  ladies.  This  counsel  is  every 
where  given.  But  the  reader  should  remember  that^ 
to  use  a  French  expression,  •'  there  are  women  and 
women,"  or,  that  there  are  very  great  differences  in 
"  the  sex."  A  young  woman  who  never  cultivates 
her  mind,  whose  reading  is  confined  to  second-rate 
novels,  whose  conversation  runs  principally  on  other 
people's  affairs,  and  whose  remarks  have  for  the  most 
part  a  tone  of  jeering  flippancy  and  depreciation 
may  be  a  subject  for  occasional  amusement,  but  is 
utterly  unfit  to  be  a  friend  or  companion  to  any  ra- 
tional man,  and  least  of  all  to  a  man  who  is  steadily 
determined  to  improve  in  every  way  his  heart  and 
intellect,  and  to  rise  in  the  world.  Fortunately  it  is 
seldom  needful  to  choose  between  such  female  friends 
or  none.     He  who  reads  much,  who  expresses  him- 


110  -ART  OF  COJVVERSATIOM, 

self  well,  and  who  talks  no  scandal,  will,  if  he  make 
every  effort,  soon  find  congenial  society. 

Conversation  with  intelligent  married  ladies  of  any 
age,  who  have  seen  much  of  the  world,  is  therefore 
to  be  strongly  commended  to  all  who  would  improve 
their  minds  and  manners.  To  gain  a  good  wife  one 
should  study  good  wives.  "He  who  would  the 
daughl£i;jKiiL,."  says  an  excellent  proverb,  "rauaj;^ 
with  the  mojher  first  begin."  Ey  beginning  in  so- 
cial intercourse  from  above  instead  of  from  below,  one 
is  far  more  likely  to  meet  with  young  ladies  who  are 
really  worth  knowing,  than  if  he  devote  his  leisure 
hours  to  idle  chat  with  girls  who  take  no  interest  in 
any  object  of  real  intellectual  value. 


DISAGREEABLE  SUBJECTS. 


Ill 


CHAPTER  XIV. 


OF  DISAGREEABLE  SUBJECTS   IN   CONVEESATION. 


HE  reader  will  frequently  be  re- 
minded in  society  of  the  remark, 
attributed  I  believe  to  Dr.  Samuel 
Johnson,  that  "  nice  persons  have 
frequently  nasty  ideas."  I  do 
not  refer  to  immoral  or  indecent, 
but  to  disagreeable  subjects,  or  at 
least  to  such  as  it  is  well  to  avoid 
if  possible. 

To  be  scrupulously  cleanly  in  every  respect  should, 
with  a  well  bred  man,  be  so  much  a  matter  of  habit 
as  to  seldom  occupy  his  thoughts  when  not  engaged 
in  its  duties.  But  there  are  people  so  self  conscious 
of  their  neatness  as  to  make  a  constant  parade  of 
their  customs  in  this  respect.     They  will  talk  in  any 


112  JlRT  OF  COJVVERSATIOK. 

society  of  the  details  of  their  toilette,  and  descant  on 
the  advantages  to  be  derived  from  cold  water  as 
though  it  were  a  new  invention.  Others  are  fond  of 
discussing  their  own  ailings,  and  will  describe  a  dys- 
^P^sia  or  liver-complaint  at  any  time  to  almost  any 
body.  Some  will  enter  upon  such  unpleasant  per- 
sonal details  with  an  apology,  while  others  with  still 
greater  caution  contrive  under  the  guise  of  an  ex- 
cuse for  not  fulfilling  an  engagement,  to  give  the  full 
particulars  of  the  maladies  which  prevented  attend- 
ance. 

Can  it  really  interest  any  one  to  know  that  a  per- 
son has  an  excellent  or  an  indifferent  appetite,  and 
does  it  never  occur  to  others  that  it  is  seldom  agree- 
^  able  to  a  guest  to  be  informed  before  company  that 
he  is  eating  very  little  ?  Is  it  less  polite  than  it 
would  be  to  exclaim,  ''  why,  how  much  you  are  eat- 
ing !  "  When  a  lady  carefully  informs  all  present 
that  she  seldom  requires  much  food,  does  it  suggest 
to  those  who  are  even  slightly  acquainted  with  phy- 
siology, any  agreeable  associations,  and  does  it  prove 
anything  except  that  she  neglects  to  exercise  and  to 
otherwise  take  proper  care  of  her  health  ? 

We  all  know  that  dental  operations,  the  sufferings 
endured  from  tight  boots,  the  offensive  conduct  of 


DISAGREEABLE  SUBJECTS,  US 

bad  servants,  children's  teethings,  the  effects  of  medi- 
cines, casualties  and  deaths,  must  not  onlj  occur,  but 
also  be  more  or  less  discussed.  But  many  people 
who  are  bj  no  means  absurdly  fastidious  naturally 
avoid  all  such  subjects  of  annoyance  in  conversation, 
while  others,  in  proportion  to  the  vulgarity  of  their 
minds,  introduce  them  and  dwell  upon  them.  There 
is  of  course  nothing  so  easy  as  to  prove  the  neces- 
sity of  talking  on  such  matters,  but  it  is  very  cer- 
tain that  refined  people  instinctively  avoid  a  griev- 
ance, or  a  personal  detail,  and  experience  no  incon- 
venience from  so  doing. 

I  trust  that  the  hints  given  in  this  chapter  will 
be  borne  in  mind  by  the  young  reader  not  merely 
*' in  society,"  but  among  his  most  familiar  associ 
ates.  The  habit  of  talking  on  disagreeable  and  per- 
sonal topics  is  generally  formed  among  intimate  com- 
panions, and  when  formed  is  apt  to  betray  itself  at 
all  times.  As  with  all  •subjects  for  reform,  it  should 
be  attended  to  in  the  root,  and  not  in  the  branches. 


114 


ART  OF  COJSrVERSATIOJSf 


CHAPTER  XV 


XHB  PARADOX  IN  CONVEESATION. 


OMMON -PLACE,  steady  men, 
talking  among  themselves,  may 
be  very  well  amused  with  "  regu- 
lar stories,"  perhaps  with  long 
ones,  and  with  old-fashioned  jokes. 
But  with  women,  and  volatile 
men  of  the  world,  such  formal 
fun  finds  little  favor.  Again,  an 
anecdote  which  would  set  the  ta- 
ble in  a  roar  at  the  Club,  will  be  but  indifferently 
received  at  a  "  reception,"  even  though  whispered 
to  dames  who  are  anything  but  prudes,  and  though 
the  jest  in  itself  be  anything  but  improper. 

"  Why  is  this  ?  "     Has  the  reader  never  observed 
that  women  who  enjoy  humor  such  as  pleases  men 


THE    PARADOX.  115 

invariably  resemble  men  in  other  respects,  as  regards 
habits  of  thought  ?     Let  him  therefore  think  twice     I  \ 
before  he  ventures  to  offer  to  ladies  the  same  fun 
which  has  already  had  a  brilliant  success  among  his 
male  friends.  > 

Compliments  in  a  witty  or  droll  form  are,  as  I 
have  said,  always  acceptable  to  every  one.  A  para- 
dox is  also  almost  invariably  sure  to  at  least  pass  as 
worth  hearing.  It  is  something  which,  while  con 
trary  to  received  opinion,  or  seemingly  absurdj  is 
true  in  fact,  and  of  a  truth  which  is  at  once  felt  by 
all  to  whom  it  is  addressed.  To  say,  for  instance,  of 
a  lady's  face  in  a  picture  gallery  that  it  represents 
eith^the  ugliest  of  all  the  beauties,  or  the  mo^t 
^^arming  of  alLthe  plain  women,  is  a  paradox  which 
may  contain  much  truth  relative  to  the  character  of 
one  of  those  peculiar  countenances  which  attract  us ; 
we  know  not  why.  It  is  a  paradox  to  say  that  noth- 
ing lies  so  much  as  facts,  unless  it  be  figures,  since 
these,  while  acknowledged  to  be  the  most  accurjjte 
means  of  presenting  truths,  are  also  very  extensively 
used  in  reports  to  falsify  them.  "  There  is  no  fool 
like  a  wise  fool,"  "  Men  who  are  willing  to  die  in 
the  last  ditch  for  their  country,  are  generally  care- 
ful to  avoid  the  first,"  are  all  tolerable  paradoxes 


116  -ART  OF  COJ^VERSATIOJS". 

Sometimes  a  paradox  occurs  in  the  form  of  an  an 
swer.  "  Did  you  ever  see  such  a  diamond?"  in- 
quired a  lady,  referring  to  an  enormous  imitatii 
brilliant  in  a  jeweller's  window.  "Not  since  I 
visited  a  glass-factory,"  was  the  reply.  "I  can 
read  you  like  a  book,"  said  an  illiterate  person, 
rudely  to  a  girl.  ''  I  should  think  so,"  she  quietly 
replied. 

The  paradox  is  easily  cultivated,  and  when  made 
on  a  topic  of  any  importance,  is  not  unfrcqucntly 
very  suggestive  of  sound  reflections.  The  mind 
may  be  trained  to  form  it  as  readily  as  the  pun ;  but 
it  has  this  great  advantage  over  the  latter,  that  it 
may  involve  almost  any  thought  whatever,  while  the 
pun  is  a  mere  play  upon  words  and  sound. 

The  paradox  is*  not  an  element  of  first  class  im- 
portance in  conversation.  It  should  not  be  very  fre- 
quently repeated,  and  it  cannot  be  sustained  for  any 
length  of  time,  save  in  humorous  argument.  But  it 
should  be  cultivated  as  a  means  of  presenting,  in  a 
spirited  form,  thoughts  which  would  otherwise  sound 
very  commonplace. 

There  are  those,  however,  who  abuse  this  form  of 
thought  and  of  expression ;  as,  for  instance,  men 
who,  having  satisfied  themselves  by  much  special 


THE    PARADOX.  117 

studj  and  research  that  some  generally  received 
opinion  is  false,  or  that  some  popular  idol  had  his  se- 
cret faults,  frequently,  in  mixed  society,  startle  and 
confound  people  of  very  ordinary  attainments,  with 
their  novel  views.  When  the  paradox  in  this  form 
is  launched  at  a  person  of  equal  ability,  no  objec- 
tion can  be  raised,  save  the  proviso  that  there  shall 
be  no  heated  argument,  unbecoming  general  society. 
But  it  is  unkind  and  cowardly  to  unsettle  or  demol- 
ish the  perfectly  harmless  faith  or  opinions  of  those 
who  are  inadequately  provided  with  powers  of  re- 
partee. 

The  urging  of  paradoxes  in  this  extreme  form, 
especially  among  those  who  are  not  accustomed  to 
them,  not  unfrequently  fails  entirely  to  produce  the 
effect  anticipated.  I  may  quote,  for  example,  a  gen- 
tleman who  spent  an  evening  in  astonishing  a  circle 
of  young  ladies  by  abusing  General  Washington. 
He  flattered  himself  that  he  had  created  a  sensation 
—  the  only  result  was  a  very  natural  suspicion  as  to 
his  sanity 


118 


ART  OF  C0JWERS£TIOJ>r 


CHAPTER  XVL 


01  SELFISHNESS  IN  TRITLES.      SMALL  SACBIFIGEB. 


0  MAN  can  go  well  through  the 
world,  succeed  in  society,  or  be- 
come an  adept  in  conversation,  un- 
less he  learn  to  sacrifice  selfishness 
in  many  little  things  to  the  com- 
fort of  others. 

It  is  true  that  accomplished  men 
of  the  world  are  often  intensely 
selfish  beings.  But  they  have  the 
shrewd  tact  to  yield  in  trifles,  while  some  of  the 
most  generous  people  will,  through  mere  inertness 
and  moral  laziness,  never  think  of  giving  up  or 
making  way,  for  the  convenience  of  others. 

With  many  women  —  not  all —  great  acts  of  gen- 
erosity, and  noble  deeds  are  regarded  as  obvious  du- 


SELFISHJV'ESS  IJST  TRIFLES.  119 

tics,  while  little  sacrifices  and  trivial  courtesies 
have  that  sweetest  of  aromas  —  the  incense  of  vol- 
untary active  homage.  Hence  it  comes  that  men 
who  are  known  to  be  cruel,  unprincipled,  depraved 
and  heartless,  are  often  greatly  liked  by  ^'  very  nice" 
girls  —  to  the  great  astonishment  of  male  friends 
who,  having  exposed  the  character  of  "  the  villain," 
expect  to  see  him  at  once  detested.  These  excellent 
persons  do  not  know  that  to  superficial  women, 
whatever  their  moral  education  may  have  been, 
great  virtues  are  always  a  little  below  the  heroic 
standard  in  value,  while  small  virtues  are  very 
great.  It  is  the  old  story  of  the  two  sexes  —  the 
one  dealing  only  in  large  notes  and  paying  heavy 
bills,  so  that  he  expects  every  one  to  recognize  the 
value  of  money,  and  the  other  familiar  with  nothing 
but  the  constant  rattle  of  small  change. 

But  however  good  and  virtuous  and  great  a  man 
may  be,  he  is  very  far  from  being  excused  on  that 
account  from  making  every  efibrt  to  excel  in  little 
virtues,  and  in  those  small  sacrifices  of  comfort 
which  are  really  oifered  to  urbanity.  If  bad  men 
make  themselves  attractive,  good  men  should  beat 
them  at  their  own  weapons,  and  there  is  no  rea- 
son why  they  should  not.     The  world  is  rapidly 


120  -^^r  OF  COJ\rVERSATIOj\ 

losing  all  its  respect  for  that  ungainly  and  uncouth 
Puritanism  which  in  its  excess  of  zeal  for  grace,  lost 
all  sight  of  the  graces.  No  degree  of  moral  purity 
can  afford  the  slightest  excuse  for  a  man's  feeding  to 
gross  excess  at  a  table,  displaying  meanwhile  in  hia 
conversation  little  save  conceited  boorishness,  snub- 
bing his  hostess  ^t  intervals,  insulting  his  fellow 
guests  in  the  style  of  Dr.  Johnson  and  other  emi- 
nent Englishmen,  and  finally  rolling  off  to  an  easy 
chair  to  ruminate  at  leisure  until  the  hour  arrived  to 
deliver  his  evening  discourse.  Yet  such  is  the  pic- 
ture which  is  drawn  of  one  of  the  most  popular 
English  preachers  of  the  present  day,  and  it  would 
apply  to  many  others  of  less  note.  Such  examples 
have  the  worst  possible  effect  on  the  young  who 
are  shrewd  enough  to  feel  that  there  is,  and  should 
be,  a  connection  between  refinement,  courtesy,  and 
all  true  goodness,  and  that  selfishness  and  boor- 
ishness are  as  wicked  in  their  ultimate  effects  on  oth- 
ers, as  the  breaking  any  precept  in  the  Decalogue. 

The  man  of  talent,  far  from  being  excused  from 
cultivating  courtesy  and  small  unselfish  traits,  is  the 
very  one  who  should  lead  in  such  accomplishments. 
Jn  the  first  place,  as  I  have  already  intimated,  all 
ability  is  most  perfectly  matured  and  develcpcd  b^ 


SELFISHJV'ESS  IJV  TRIFLES.  125 

intercourse  with  society.  And  in  the  second  place, 
the  man  of  great  intellectual  power  is  the  one  of  all 
others  who  should  excel  in  making  himself  and  those 
■whom  he  may  meet,  mutually  agreeable.  Some  of 
the  most  brilliant  men  who  ever  trod  the  floor  of 
a  parlor,  have  been  "  mere  scholars,"  and  members 
of  a  class  which  is  habitually  spoken  of  among  those 
who  are  ignorant  of  its  highest  types  as  "  pedantic  " 
and  ignorant  of  the  world. 

One  of  the  most  agreeable  of  small  sacrifices 
which  can  be  made  at  an  evening  party,  for  the  sake 
of  the  hostess  and  for  the  promotion  of  gayety,  is  to 
distribute  the  conversation.  It  is  doubtless  very  com- 
fortable to  get  in1;o  a  quiet  corner  with  a  brilliant 
beauty,  or  "a  lady-comrade  of  established  liking," 
and  flirt  or  laugh  away  with  her  till  supper  time. 
But  if  one  does  so,  all  must  —  with  somebody. 
Hence  the  establishment  of  "barricades" — 'those 
settled  groups,  which  cannot  be  broken  up,  and 
which  are  the  horror  of  all  who  detest  a  stiff  party. 
They  gather  chair  by  chair  till  the  whole  room  be- 
comes impenetrable,  and  any  person  who  is  in  the 
charmed  circle  is  to  you  as  "  unattainable  as  the 
stars."  In  such  a  fixed  condition  appeal  to  the 
friend  with  whom  you  are  conversing,  or  call  jcrar 


122  -^RT  OF  COJ>>rVERSATIOJ\r. 

hostess  to  counsel,  and  you  will  soon  thaw  the  frozen 
stream.  No  lady  who  knows  much  of  society  will 
think  that  weariness  of  her  conversation  induces  a 
gentleman  who  knows  his  duties  to  the  world,  to  take 
leave  of  her  after  a  prolonged  interview,  nor  will 
any  gentleman  suffer  his  vanity  to  be  piqued  should 
she  manifest  a  willingness  to  converse  with  others, 

K  you  have  very  few  acquaintances,  make  others. 
This  may  be  readily  done  by  exercising  a  little  tact. 
It  is  well  to  ascertain  who  are  present,  from  some 
friend ;  the  doing  so  will  afford  an  opportunity  to  in- 
timate that  some  one  of  them  interests  you,  in  which 
case  courtesy  will  suggest  an  introduction.  It  is 
needless  to  say  that  when  it  devolves  on  you  to  make 
strangers  acquainted,  you  should  exercise  some  dis- 
cretion, and  ascertain,  or  at  least  consider,  whether 
it  would  be  mutually  agreeable.  Those  who  intro- 
duce much  are  good  Samaritans  in  society,  those  who 
do  so  injudiciously  are  marauders  who  rush  upon 
travelers  and  bind  them  captive,  two  by  two. 

If  you  know  anything  of  music,  you  may  proper- 
ly enough  ask  for  an  introduction  to  any  lady  who 
has  favored  those  present  with  a  vocal  or  instrument- 
al performance.  Few  singers  are  sorry  to  learn  that 
they  have  made  an  impression.     If  there  be  a  maa 


SBLFISHJVESS  IJ\r  TRIFLES,  123 

or  woman  of  celebrity,  present,  it  will  be  but  natu- 
ral for  you  to  desire  an  acquaintance.  If  you  are 
in  any  degree  intimate  with  your  entertainer,  you 
would  show  a  kindness  which  will  be  appreciated,  by 
intimating  a  desire  to  be  introduced  to  any  present ; 
especially  to  any  ladies ;  who  seem  to  be  silent  and 
neglected.  In  the  social  garden  wall-flowers  are 
weeds,  but  like  many  weeds  they  only  require  a  little 
cult  are  to  take  place  with  the  choicer  blooms. 

If  you  are  invited  to  pass  an  evening  at  any  place 
never  be  one  of  those  who  are  absent  on  account  of 
unfavorable  weather.  Then,  if  ever,  you  should 
make  every  exertion  to  fulfil  the  promise  given  in 
your  acceptance.  A  sacrifice  of  this  nature  is  al- 
ways appreciated.  If  your  circumstances  be  moder- 
ate, and  it  should  be  the  occasion  of  expense  which 
you  can  ill  afibrd,  regard  it  as  a  debt  of  honor  which 
must  be  paid,  and  save  it  out  of  some  other  expendi- 
ture. Remember  that  in  any  case  it  will  not  have 
cost  you  so  much  as  it  will  the  lady  or  gentleman  to 
whose  kindness  you  owe  the  invitation. 


124 


ART  OF  COJ\rVERSATIOJr 


CHAPTER  XVn. 

OF  CONVERSATION  AT  DINNER -PARTIEB, 

HEN  guests  are  strangers  tc 
each  other,  a  dinner-party 
is  the  severest  test  as  to  the 
ability  possessed  by  each  to 
converse  well. 

Sometimes  we  may  know 
from  the  character  of  the  host 
or  hostess,  or  of  "the  house," 
that  of  those  who  assemble 
there.  It  may  be  "  ultra-fashionable,"  "  moderately 
fashionable,"  or  ','  rather  fashionable."  It  may  be 
*'  extremely  conservative,"  ''  highly  respectable,  or 
*  very  respectable,"  and  again  it  may  be  one  of  the 
numerous  crosses  of  two  or  more  of  these.  It  may 
be  based  on  rising  wealth  with  new  affiliations  through 


DIJVJSrER-PARTIES.  125 

the  younger  branches,  or  by  marriage,  to  the  respect- 
able and  fashionable,  and  it  may  consist  of  nice; 
quiet  people,  forming  a  sort  of  unknown  island,  which 
maintains  very  little  communication  with  the  great 
continent  of  society.  It  may  be  diplomatic,  or  only 
political,  and  it  may  be  sectarian.  The  lady  of  the 
house  may  have  been  deeply  steeped  in  Parisian 
French,  while  her  husband  is  as  decidedly  immersed 
in  Pennsylvania  German.  It  may  be  the  party  of 
a  rising  young  professional. man,  or  that  of  one  who 
is  firmly  established  in  the  world ;  or  of  a  real  es- 
tate auctioneer,  or  prominent  editor ,  or  it  may  be 
military,  or  naval,  or  rural. 

If  you  know  thus  much  of  your  entertainer,  you 
may  probably  conjecture  something  as  to  the  general 
character  of  those  whom  you  are  invited  to  meet. 
Of  one  thing  you  may  be  certain,  that  the  more 
highly  cultivated  the  guests,  and  the  more  decided 
their  cosmopolitanism,  the  easier  will  be  the  inter- 
course, and  the  less  apparent  any  want  of  previous 
acquaintance  among  them.  There  is  a  freemasonry 
among  men  and  women  of  the  world  which  renders 
a  dull  dinner  impossible.  Much  tact  is  often  dis- 
played by  the  entertainer  in  seating  togethei  persona 


J 


126  -^I^T  OF  COJVVERSATIOJV 

of  a  congenial  disposition,  who  will  readily  engage 
in  animated  conversation,  which  acts  as  a  stimulus  to 
all  around,  and  is  all  the  more  effective  since  it  ren- 
ers  occasional  silence  less  liable  to  observation. 
If  you  are  seated  by  a  lady  who  seems  reserved, 
plunge  into  generalsubjects  and  current  topics^  tak- 
ing care,  however,  to  make  your  beginning  apropos 
to  some  trifle  which  the  dinner  itself  cannot  fail  to 
suggest.  On  such  occasions,  general  information  on 
small  matters  will  be  of  great  assistance.  Lead  your 
neighbor  to  speak  on  some  subject  with  which  you 
may  happen  to  be  familiar,  and  as  soon  as  she  dis- 
plays any  familiarity  with  it,  encourage  her  by  cour- 
teous questions  to  proceed.  If  she  say  but  little, 
talk  all  the  more.  There  is  no  soil  in  which  some- 
thing will  not  grow  if  it  be  properly  cultivated,  and 
no  woman  who  will  not  converse  in  time.  If  there 
be  a  lion  of  any  degree  of  celebrity  whatever,  pres- 
ent, though  he  be  only  the  local  clergyman,  you  may 
appropriately  enough  ask  for  information  relative  to 
him,  or  bestow  it.  Much  may  be  done  in  ascertain- 
ing where  your  fellow  guest  has  travelled,  and  in  in- 
ducing her  to  speak  of  the  celebrated  persons  whom 
she  has  seen  or  met.     Avoid  all  egotism  whatever, 


DLYJSrER'PARlIES.  127 

direct  or  implied.  Many  persons  seem  to  think  that 
among  strangers  it  is  necessary  to  give  auto-bio- 
graphic hints  sufficient  to  show  that  they  are  entitled 
tc  consideration.  Rely  upon  it,  if  you  converse  well 
enough  to  excite  interest,  the  world  will  soon  know 
everything  about  you. 

I  have  presumed  an  extreme  case,  and  the  most 
trying -which  can  happen  at  a  dinner,—  to  be  seated 
by  a  diffident  woman,  or,  what  is  the  same  thing,  by 
an  over-cautious  person,  who  for  a  long  time  casts  on 
others  the  burden  of  the  conversation.  Absolute  re- 
serve, from  any  one,  under  such  circumstances,  is 
unpardonable  —  it  is  a  lack  of  courtesy  to  the  enter- 
tainer, and  a  reproach  to  the  quality  of  the  guests. 
With  any  person  who  is  not  reserved  you  should 
enjoy  conversation.  If  you  are  possessed  of  the 
slightest  general  knowledge  of  men  and  things,  of 
the  current  topics  of  the  dayToFbooks,  or  of  places, 
it  will  be  your  own  fault  if  you  cannot  find  some- 
thing to  say,  and  gradually  expand  it  to  animated 
narrative  or  discussion.  Be  always  on  the  alert  to 
suppress  yourself  when  you  see  that  your  companion 
is  beginning  to  listen  with  interest  to  his  own  voice  ; 
and  when  others  also  begin  to  listen  or  to  take  part 


128  -ART  OF  COJVVERSATIOJ\r. 

in  the  conversation,  be  prompt  to  show  them  every 
courtesy  and  deference. 

Never  forget  that  at  a  dinner,  as  on  all  occasions 
of  hospitality,  it  is  your  chief  duty  to  relieve  the 
hostess  from  every  annoyance  or  care. 

It  would  be  well  if  those  who  give  dinners ;  aa 
well  as  their  guests  ;  would  bear  in  mind  the  follow- 
ing remarks  of  a  French  writer : 

"  It  must  not  be  imagined  that  the  diuDcr  to 
which  you  are  invited,  is  simply  given  for  the  pur- 
pose of  giving  a  gross  and  purely  material  pleasure  ; 
no,  it  is  to  put  you  in  company  with  persons  of  con- 
sideration, and  to  give  you  an  opportunity  to  display 
your  intelligence,  or  cause  your  good  qualities  to  be 
appreciated  in  the  species  of  demi-intimacy  which 
may  result  from  it." 

To  which  may  be  added  these  remarks  on  dinner 
parties,  and  other  social  meetings,  at  the  present  day: 

*'  If  you  have  no  accurate  ideas  as  to  any  of  the 
thousand  trifles  which  rise  up  at  every  instant  when 
one  has  entered  a  saloji,  observe  in  silence,  and  imi- 
tate what  you  see  done  by  well-bred  persons.  The 
aristocratic  element  being  that  which  now  prevails  at 
the  tables  of  all  respectable  families,  and  in  every 


DIJVJVER-PARTIES  129 

parlor  where  good  company  assembles,  it  will  be 
easy  to  do  this  simply  and  adroitly,  without  aiming 
at  'prodiicing  an  effect, ^^  * 

It  has  been  said  that  the  table  is  the  touch-stone 
of  a  gentleman.  lie  who  may  successfully  conceal 
vulgarity  in  every  other  phase  of  life,  is  sure  to 
betray  it  almost  immediately  at  dinner. 

*  La  Viti  Elegant 
BoiHSE.    Paris,  1858. 


\ 


ISO 


dRT  OF  COJVVERSATIOM 


CHAPTER  XVIIL 


Cr  KLBSn  PEOPLE.       TIMIDITY.       ITS  CUWL 


jHERE  are  men  "who  carry  tacitur 
nity  to  rudeness.  Speech  it  is 
said  is  golden  and  silence  is  silver, 
but  such  persons  turn  it  to  brass. 
Many  young  men  encourage  in 
this  manner  a  natural  defect  of 
moodiness  and  surliness,  thinking 
that  it  gives  them  an  air  of  digni- 
fied reserve.  There  could  be  no 
greater  mistake.  When  a  person  has  given  you  no 
positive  cause  for  desiring  to  drop  his  acquaintance 
you  are  guilty  of  great  rudeness  in  compelling  him 
to  bear  the  entire  burden  of  conversation.  It  is  an 
ill-bred  assumption  of  superiority,  and  of  cynical  in- 
difference to  others,  such  as  can  find  no  place  either 


DJJVJVER'PARTIES,  131 

m  the  heart  or  manners  of  him  who  would  perfectly 
acquire  the  humane  art  of  conversation.  To  endeav* 
or  to  create  an  impression  of  dignity  by  mere  silence 
is  a  confession  that  the  outward  appearance  is  not 
sustained  by  the  intellect.  There  are  however,  many 
persons,  and  singularly  enough  the  majority  of  them 
are  women,  who  are  silent  in  society  and  avail  them- 
selves of  every  art  to  create  the  impression  that  their 
silence  is  the  result  of  courteous  attention,  when  in 
fact  they  have  nothing  to  say.  Among  weak  and 
shallow  persons  of  their  own  calibre  their  tongues 
will  fly  rapidly  enough,  but  with  strangers  and  es- 
pecially with  all  who  are  out  of  their  own  "set*' 
they  i  re  afflicted  with  a  most  disagreeable  dumb- 
ness, varied  by  little  "  flurries "  of  mere  shallow 
''  talk."  It  is  remarkable  that  people  of  this  kind 
when  they  eventually  find  their  tongues,  are  extreme- 
ly apt  to  employ  them  in  sustaining  differences  of 
opinion  and  "  arguments,"  which  leave  on  the  whole 
an  unpleasant  impression.  With  such  persons  an 
accomplished  conversationalist  may  at  least  practice 
patience  and  display  good  temper.  He  will  often 
make  a  highly  favorable  impression  on  them,  and  be 
afterward  astonished  to  learn  it,  when  no  word  at  the 


132  -ART  OF  COJ\rVERSATIOJ>f. 

time  indicated  his  success.  Should  he  persistently 
return  to  the  charge  he  cannot  fail  to  achieve  a  com- 
plete victory. 

There  are  occasional  instances  of  young  persona 
of  excellent  dispositions  and  even  of  high  intellec- 
tual culture^  vrho  are  afflicted  with  reserve  and  bash- 
fulness  to  such  a  degree  that  it  actually  becomes  a 
species  of  mental  disease.  Parents  say  of  this  that 
"  it  will  wear  off,"  and  frequently  leave  it  to  cure 
itself  It  may  indeed  outwardly  pass  away,  or  be 
transformed  to  an  affectation  of  assurance  or  of  im- 
pudence, but  its  evil  effects  are  too  generally  felt 
even  to  the  end  of  life,  in  the  want  of  that  calm 
confidence  and  well  balanced  presence  of  mind,  so 
requisite  in  all  intercourse  with  our  fellow  beings. 
In  such  cases  a  study  of  the  art  of  conversation,  with 
efforts  to  put  into  practice  its  rules  in  company  with 
a  few  intimate  friends,  will  be  found  amply  sufficient 
to  effect  a  cure. 
/  He  alone  can  become  a  truly  accomplished  con- 
versationalist who  is  gifted  with  a  kind  heart,  and 
such  a  person  will  always  take  pleasure  in  conquer- 
ing the  painful  diffidence  of  others,  and  in  breaking 
away  the  limits  which  separate  them  from  ^*  life." 


TIMIDITY.    ITS  CURE.  I33 

.  Many  persons  suffer  most  unjustly  under  the  im- 
putation of  having  nothing  to  say,  when  the  truth 
is,  that  few  comparative  strangers  have  ever  con- 
versed much  with  them.  I  believe  it  will  be  found 
that,  in  most  cases,  these  "  silent  women "  and 
*'  dumb  youths  "  are  far  better  worth  knowing  than 
the  majority  of  chatterers  of  common-place  trifles. 

If  you  are  so  unfortunate  as  to  feel  a  tremor  at 
the  thought  of  encountering  strangers  in  society,  re- 
member that  they  simply  form  a  collection  of  per- 
sons, with  whom  you  would  have  no  difficulty  in 
conversing  singly.  If  you  are  conscious  of  possess- 
ing general  information  equal  to  that  of  those  whom 
you  expect  to  meet,  and  are  yourself  respectable 
as  regards  personal  appearance,  venture  confidently 
and  calmly  on  the  ordeal.  You  will  soon  find  it 
is  like  learning  to  swim,  and  that  there  is  no  diffi- 
culty or  danger,  even  in  the  first  plunge,  which  is 
not  entirely  imaginary.  Let  nothing  deter  you, 
come  what  may.  If  in  certain  circles  you  meet  with 
people  who  are  unkind  enough  to  be  indifferent,  or 
annoy  you  more  directly,  take  no  notice  of  it ;  above 
all,  do  nothing  to  revenge  yourself,  and  console  your 
mind  with  the  indubitable  truth,  that  if  you  a^oid 


134  -ART  OF  COJSrVERSATIOJSr. 

acting  as  they  have  done,  the  time  will  come  when 
you  will  be  far  their  superior  as  regards  the  practice 
of  all  in  "  the  art  of  society  "  which  can  make  you 
truly  esteemed. 

Every  evening  spent  in  society  is  a  lesson  which, 
if  turned  to  advantage,  may  aid  your  success  in  life. 


CORRECT   LAJVGUAGE. 


186 


CHAPTER  XIX. 

OF  GOBKEGT  LANGUAOB  IN  CONVEBSATIOIT. 


0  SPEAK  your  own  language 
correctly,  is  to  secure  the  most 
important  aid  to  success  in  society. 
Study  the  grammar  and  dic- 
tionary carefully  and  continually, 
but  avoid  unusual  words  and  high- 
flown  phrases. 

If  you  have  a  welf  educated 
f^fiend,  ask  him,  in  confidence,  to 
observe  and  correct  your  faults  of  language.  If  ^ 
your  own  education  has  been  defective,  and  your 
opportunities  for  mingling  with  cultivated  persons, 
limited,  you  will  probably  use  many  expressions 
which,  you  will  be  surprised  to  learn,  are,  if  not  in- 
correct, at  least  to  be  avoided.   Do  not  suppose  them 


1 


136  ^R'J^  OF  COJVVERSATJOjY. 

to  be  trifles.  In  good  sosiet^z^^ilifiu-slightfist  inacc^^ 
racj  in  language  will  be  greatly  to  your  disadvan- 
tage. 1N"6  advantages  of  person  or  of  fortune,  can 
"entirely  counterbalance  the  effect  of  a  phrase,  or 
of  a  peculiarity  in  pronunciation  which  betrays 
early  ignorance.  But  if  you  converse  correctlyy 
you  certainly  possess  an  accomplishment  which  will 
enable  you  to  sustain  a  position  in  any  society. 
When  it  is  once  acquired,  you  need  experience  no 
timidity  in  talking  with  any  person  whatever  — 
your  language  will  of  itself  entitle  you  to  a  courte- 
ous reception.  The  number  of  persons  whose  ex- 
pressions are  entirely  free  from  mistakes,  or  impro- 
prieties, is  so  small,  that  one  belonging  to  it  is  sure 
of  respect. 

You  would  do  well  to  form  a  class  with  a  few 
friends,  for  the  purpose  of  reading  aloud  by  turns 
some  well  written  works.  Select  a  chapter,  and  de- 
termine, by  the  aid  of  your  dictionary,  the  proper 
pronunciation  and  accent  of  every  word.  In  the  be- 
ginning, read  the  separate  chapters  over  at  least  six 
times,  or  oftener,  if  you  are  not  confident  of  having 
perfectly  mastered  every  difficulty  which  each  pre- 
sents. If  there  be  added  to  this,  practice  in  writing 
short  "  compositions"  or  essays,  to  be  submittt(d  to 


CORRECT  LAJSTGUAGE^  137 

the  criticism  and  correction  of  the  whole  class,  your 
progress  will  be  rapid. 

It  is  very  difficult  to  make  young  persons  of  cither 
sex  comprehend  the  positive  impropriety  of  using 
slang.  Its  words  and  phrases  are,  for  the  most  part, 
expressive,  and  occasionally  humorous.  When  we 
experience  difficulty  in  expressing  a  thought  con- 
cisely and  with  point/ a  new  application  of  some 
■  cant  word  not  unfrequently  settles  it  very  promptly. 
And  this  latter  is  indeed  the  great  impediment  with 
which  those  who  would  converse  correctly,  express- 
ively, and  fluently,  have  to  contend.  vA^jglan^ 
_phraseia^redlx  J^^J[iftJorJbh^ 
trouble  in  Jhinkin^  But  for  this  very  reason  it 
should  be  avoided.  Endeavor  to  exert  your  inge- 
nuity in  forming  some  correct  equivalent  for  the 
1 1  slang  expression.  Determine  what  your  thought  is, 
and  express  it  in  good  grammatical  language.  Re- 
member that  those  who  converse  with  the  greatest 
purity,  and  at  the  same  time  most  impressively,  never 
employ  slang. 

Q  The  young  man  who  converses  readily  in^implo 

arid  correct   language,  possesses  an  accomplishment 

N    which  cannot  fail  to  aid  him  materially  in  the  pur- 

\  suit  of  fortune  or  of  honors.     The  first  indication 


X38  -^^^  O^  COJ^VERSATIOJ>r. 

of  genius  in  Henry  Clay  which  led  to  his  advance- 
ment, was  his  constant  endeavor,  while  yet  a  mere 
l>oy,  to  express  himself  with  purity  and  accuracy. 
Such  a  habit  is  generally  received  by  the  world  aa 
indicative  of  strength  of  character,  while  slang,  bad 
grammar,  and  provincial  phrases,  are  often  thought 
to  betray  the  weakness  of  self-contented  vulgarity. 

Ladies  frequently  use  slang  phrases,  with  a  slight 
pause  or  smile  to  serve  as  marks  of  quotation,  or 
rather  as  an  apology.  But  to  modify  a  fault  is  not 
to  remove  it.  Resolve  that  you  will  never  use 
an  incorrect,  an  inelegant,  or  a  vulgar  phrase  or 
word,  in  any  society  whatever.^  If  yoii  are  gifted 
with  wit,  you  will  soon  find  that  it  is  easy  to  give  it 
far  better  point  and  force  in  pure  English,  than 
through  any  other  medium,  and  that  brilliant  thoughts 
make  the  deepest  impression  when  well  worded. 
However  great  it  may  be,  the  labor  is  never  lost 
which  earns  for  you  the  reputation  of  one  who  habit- 
ually uses  the  language  of  a  gentleman,  or  of  a  lady. 

It  is  difficult  for  those  who  have  not  frequent 
opportunities  for  conversation  with  well  educated 
people,  to  avoid  using  expressions  which  are  not  cur- 
rent in  society,  although  they  may  be  of  common  oc- 
currence in  books.     As  they  are  often  learned  from 


CORRECT    LAJVGUAGE,  139 

Lovels,  it  will  be  well  for  the  reader  to  remember 
that  even  in  the  best  of  such  works,  dialogues  are 
seldom  sustained  in  a  tone  which  would  not  appear 
affected  in  ordinary  life.  This  fault  in  conversation 
is  the  most  difficult  of  all  to  amend,  and  it  is  unfor- 
tunately the  one  to  which  those  who  strive  to  express 
themselves  correctly,  are  peculiarly  liable.  Its  effect 
is  bad,  for  though  it  is  not  like  slang,  vulgar  in 
itself,  it  betrays  an  effort  to  conceal  vulgarity.  It 
may  generally  be  remedied  by  avoiding  any  word  or 
phrase  which  you  may  suspect  yourself  of  using  foi: 
the  purpose  of  creating  an  effect.  Whenever  you 
imagine  that  the  employment  of  any  mere  word  or 
sentence  will  convey  the  impression  that  you  are! 
well  informed,  substitute  for  it  some  simple  expres- 
sion. 
)  ^^f  you  are  not  positively  certain  as  to  the  pronun- 
ciation of  a  w^ord,  never  use  it/>  If  the  temptation 
be  great,  resist  it ;  for  rely  upon  it,  if  there  be  in 
your  mind  the  slightest  doubt  on  the  subject,  you 
will  certainly  make  a  mistake. 

Never  use  a  foreign  word  when  its  meaning  can 
be  given  in  English,  and  remember  that  it  is  both 
rude  and  silly  to  say  anything  to  any  person  who 
possibly  may  not  understand  it.    But  never  attempt, 


140  -^-Rr  OF  coj\rvER8ATioj\r, 

under  any  circumstances  whatever,  to  utter  a  foreign 
word,  unless  you  have  learned  to  pronounce  cor- 
rectly the  language  to  which  it  belongs.  If  you  have 
not  been  able  to  acquire  the  tongue,  remember  that 
*'  French  without  a  Master,"  or  any  similar  work, 
will  enable  any  one,  with  a  few  hours  of  careful 
study,  to  pronounce  at  least  tolerably. 

Many  young  men  are  so  ignorant  as  to  believe 
that  the  theatre  is  not  only  a  school  for  elegant 
manners,  but  also  for  language,  and  that  expressions 
picked  from  "genteel  comedy"  may  be  properly 
used  in  ordinary  conversation.  I  regret  that  it  is 
not  entirely  needless  to  say,  that  this  is  a  very  vul- 
gar error.  Neither  in  England  nor  in  America  does 
the  stage  at  the  present  day  present  anything  much 
better  than  a  gross  caricature  of  good  society  and  of 
its  manners.  I  would  not  forbid  the  theatre,  by  any 
means,  as  a  place  of  amusement,  any  more  than  I 
would  a  Punch  and  Judy  show ;  but  after  many 
years  of  familiarity  with  the  drama,  as  set  forth  by 
its  best  artists,  I  can  say  conscientiously  that  I  re- 
gard the  youth  as  one  to  be  pitied  who  derives  from 
it  his  lessons  of  life  or  language.  However  cornectly 
an  actor  may  pronounce  English,  he  seldom  fails  to 
fall  into  a  strained  and  exaggerated  style  of  empha- 


II 


CORRECT  LAJSTGUAGE.  141 

BIS  and  of  action,  which,  if  introduced  into  daily 
life,  would  be  simply  ridiculous.  His  business  is  to 
intensify  all  that  is  extravagant  in  life,  while  tb© 
province  of  good  breeding  is  to  subdue  it. 

Do  not,  however,  aim  at  acquiring  a  great  reputa- 
tion, or  rather  notoriety,  for  using  elegant  language. 
Should  you  do  so,  you  would  probably  endeavor  to 
sustain  it  for  the  sake  of  display,  and  could  not  fail 
to  become  affected.  The  great  charm  of  conversa- 
tion is  to  be  natural,  and  this  is  unavoidably  lost  to 
every  one  who  is  conscious  of  exhibiting  in  a  supe- 
rior manner  the  medium  through  which  he  expresses 
his  thoughts  Eemember  that  wHen  according  to 
Whately,  we  exclaim  of  an  orator:  "how  elo- 
quent !  "  the  true  eloquence  no  longer  exists. 


SELF   EDUCATIOIJ, 


QEA^ERAL    KJVOWLEDGE  145 


CHAPTER  XX. 

OF  ACQUIRINQ   GENERAL    KNOWLEDGE. 

NE  may  converse  well  at  times 
without  displaying  knowledge,  but 
still  a  certain  amount  of  learning 
is  essential  to  all  who  would 
excel  in  conversation. 

The  literary  information  which 
enables  one  to  maintain  a  credita- 
ble position  in  social  intercourse, 
is  two-fold  :  —  that  which  results 
from  a  regular  education,  and  that  which  is  derived 
from  the  casual  reading  of  current  literature  or 
through  occasional  study. 

It  is  possible  for  almost  every  one  whose  educa- 
tion has  been  neglected,  to  repair  the  loss  to  such  a 
degree  that  it  will  be  unnoticed.    To  do  this,  a  regu 
lar  plan  and  steady  application  are  all  that  is  requi 
site.     Knowledge  increases  knowledge  very  rapidly 
Tie  who  every  day  adds  to  his  stock,  and  also  reviews 


J 46  -^RT   OF  COJVVERSATIOJV, 

something  already  learned,  will  find  in  time  that  ha 
knows  more  than  he  has  read,  for  he  will  have 
awakened  observation  and  thought. 

THE   STUDY   OP   GEOGRAPHY. 

I  will  suppose  that  the  reader  who  is  desirous  of 
becoming  well  informed,  has  at  least  mastered  the 
most  ordinary  branches  of  a  common  school  educa- 
tion. Let  him,  then,  review  his  geography  with 
scrupulous  care.  Ignorance  of  the  situation  of  coun- 
tries and  their  cities  is  unpardonable,  and  such  blun- 
ders in  conversation  are  ridiculous.  I  have  heard  a 
University  man,  who  spoke  four  or  five  languages, 
ask  if  Sumatra  were  not  in  America.  In  connec- 
tion with  the  careful  study  of  geography,  one  should 
gather  from  books  of  travel,  and  from  history,  and 
from  reviews,  all  the  latest  information  relative  tc 
each  country. 

I  have  already  spoken  of  the  advantage  to  be  de- 
rived from  the  association  together,  in  a  club,  of  per- 
sons for  improvement  in  reading.  If  such  a  club 
were  also  to  take  up  geography,  discussing  a  sepa- 
rate nation  at  a  meeting,  each  communicating  all 
that  he  had  read  or  heard  on  the  subject,  there 
would  be  little  danger  of  gross  ignorance  of  it.     Aa 


QEJVERAL    KJ\rOWLEDGE.  I47 

soon  as  one  nation  or  country  shall  have  been  well 
discussed,  its  name  should  be  legibly  written  on  a 
large  sheet,  and  with  it  a  few  leading  facts  illus- 
trating its  population,  language,  history,  and  gov- 
ernment, ^"IheT^tylo  "of  the  short  articles  in  a 
gazetteer,  which  should  hang  up  in  the  place  of 
meeting  till  it  may  be  presumed  that  all  are  familiar 
with  them.  A  very  extensive  knowledge  of  the' 
world  may  be  easily  gathered,  by  adhering  to  the 
simple  rule,  whenever  you  learn  anything  in  refer- 
ence to  a  subject,  review  what  knowledge  you 
already  have  in  reference  to  it. 

THE  STUDY  OF  GRAMMAR. 

The  grammar  of  your  native  language,  as  I  have 
already  intimated,  should  be  carefully  studied.  A 
good,  full-sized  dictionary  should  be  in  your  pos- 
session —  the  best  that  money  can  buy  —  though  to 
obtain  it  you  should  be  obliged  to  sell  every  book 
you  own  except  your  grammar  and  your  Bible.  Re- 
fer to  it  continually.  Let  no  day  pass  without 
determining  from  it  the  meaning  and  proper  pronun- 
ciation of  words  with  which  you  are  not  familiar. 
But  beware,  lest,  as  many  do,  you  suffer  the  diction* 
ary  to  take  the  place  of  memory. 


148  JlRT  OF  COJVVERSATIOJV. 

Bear  in  mind  in  studying  the  grammar,  that  joui 
object  is  not  simply  to  commit  rules  bj  heart,  and  to 
parse,  but  to  converse  and  write  correctly. 

If  you  can  associate  with  you,  in  studying  the 
grammar,  one  or  more  friends,  it  is  not  impossible 
that  your  progress  in  learning  will  be  much  greater 
than  if  you  were  directed  by  an  indifferent  teacher. 

After  becoming  somewhat  familiar  with  the  gene- 
ral principles  of  the  language,  it  will  be  time  to  be- 
gin to  read  aloud  from  authors  noted  for  their  purity 
of  style.  For  this  purpose,  I  recommend  Gold- 
smith's "  Vicar  of  Wakefield,"  Washington  Irving' 3 
writings,  '' The  Spectator/'  and  Macaulay's  "Es- 
says," and  "  History  of  England."  Observe,  while 
reading,  the  agreement  of  the  precepts  of  your 
grammar  with  the  sentences  which  you  follow.  Re- 
member, that  by  devoting  regular  hours  to  study, 
and  by  frequently  reviewing  and  understanding 
thoroughly  every  page,  before  you  undertake  a  sin- 
gle new  paragraph,  you  must  inevitably  succeed. 

Having  done  this  for  a  short  time,  you  may  begin 
tc  write  according  to  the  rules  laid  down  in  the 
ensuing  chapter.  Your  study  of  grammar  will  now 
begin  in  earnest,  and  you  cannot  fail  to  realize,  daj 
by  day,  its  great  practical  utility. 


LITERARY  COMPOSITIOM 


149 


CHAPTER  XXI. 


Of  SELF-INSTRUCTION  IN  LITERARY   COMPOSITION,   OR    WRITING. 


T  HAS  been  said  that  whoever  can 
talk  well,  can  write.  It  might  be 
added,  that  if  one  can  write  ele- 
gantly, it  will  be  sure  to  exert  a 
favorable  influence  on  his  conversa- 
tion. 

If  a  young  man  has  had  absolutely 
no  practice  whatever  in  committing 
his  thoughts  to  paper,  he  would  do 
well  to  obtain  some  simple  and  well  written  work 
and  copij  from  it  until  the  general  forms  of  expres- 
sion become  familiar  to  him.  Letters  are  excellent 
subjects  for  such  practice.  Having  done  this  till 
he  has  filled  a  few  quires,  let  him  form  a  few 
reflections  of  as  natural  a  character  as  though  he 


150  -^^^  OF  COJVVERSATIOJ^l. 

were  telling  something  to  a  friend,  and  note  them  on 
a  slate.  From  these  he  should  write  a  letter  ;  and, 
what  is  of  greater  importance,  should  then  re- 
write it,  with  the  utmost  care,  at  least  once.  I 
have  observed  that  unpractised  letter-writers  are 
always  perfectly  satisfied  with  the  first  efibrt. 

Epistolary  writing  is  an  art  which  rapidly  culti- 
vates the  mind.  It  is  said  that  during  the  Revolu- 
tionary war,  men  who  were  at  its  beginning  very 
ignorant  of  composition,  yet  who  were  raised  to  offi- 
ces which  obliged  them  to  correspond  extensively, 
became  excellent  writers.  It  has  the  advantage  of 
being  the  easiest  road  to  ready  expression. 

By  writing  on  a  great  variety  of  -subjects,  and  by 
the  occasional  introduction  of  humor  into  composi- 
tion, the  student  will  rapidly  improve  in  the  manage- 
ment of  language,  and  his  letters  will  be  received 
and  read  with  pleasure.  It  will  be  found  well  worth 
the  while  to  enter  into  a  book,  from  time  to  time, 
subjects  to  introduce  into  correspondence. 

When  confident  that  you  can  write  a  good  letter, 
correctly,  (and  not  before,)  you  may  begin  to  com- 
mit your  thoughts  to  paper  in  the  form  of  "  compo- 
Bitions."  Do  not  begin  by  selecting  "Love,"  or 
*  Ambition,  "^^as  a  subject.     Rather  describe,  as  ao 


LITERARY    COMPOSITION.  \^\ 

cttrateiy  as  possible,  scenes  which  yoa^Jia^fe—wit^ 


nessecl7~and  events  which  have_come  under  your 
observation.  Let  your  language  be  plain  and  sim- 
ple, such  as  you  would  like  to  hear  from  a  friend  in 
conversation,  and  endeavor  to  use  short  words. 
"  Fine  writing,''  as  it  is  called,  is  rapidly  going  out 
of  fashion,  and  "  sensational  "  efforts  are  peculiar  to 
the  vulgar.  So  far  as  it  is  possible,  write  as  you 
should  talk,  and  talk  as  you  would  write. 

Read  aloud  what  you  have  written.  Many  defects 
will  then  be  perceived  which  had  before  escaped  your 
observation.  If  you  have  a  literary  friend  who  will 
kindly  correct  your  efforts,  submit  without  argu- 
ment to  his  revision ;  and  be  certain  that  in  asking 
him  for  advice  you  do  not,  like  most  young  writers, 
merely  mean  admiration.  Rely  upon  it  that  it  will 
be  long  enough  before  you  deserve  the  latter.  If 
you  can,  after  months  of  constant  labor,  avoid  errors 
in  writing,  you  may  congratulate  yourself  on  having 
advanced  rapidly. 

Literary  composition  is  of  all  arts  the  one  best 
adapted  to  bring  our  thoughts  and  our  knowledge 
into  a  useful  form,  and  to  improve  our  language. 
Yet  most  persons  have  a  great  dislike  to  spending 
time  in  steady  labor  over  it,  and  especially  to  care- 


152  -^RT  OF  COJ\rVEBSATIOJ)r. 

fullj  correcting  with  the  grammar  and  dictionary 
what  thej  have  written.  Many  of  those  who  have 
made  a  crude  beginning,  which  has  possibly  been 
admired  by  a  few  friends,  must  needs  "  rush  into 
print,"  and  editors  are  in  consequence  seriously  an- 
noyed by  entreaties  for  encouragement  from  thoso 
whose  manuscripts  would  not  bear  the  revision  of 
any'governess  who  is  qualified  for  her  calling. 

I  would  however  encourage  every  one  to  culti- 
vate the  art  of  writing  so  far  as  to  be  able  to  "  pen 
an  article  for  the  press  "  when  there  is  an  occasion 
to  do  so.  Such  opportunities  continually  present 
themselves  in  America,  and  may  frequently  be 
turned  to  advantage.  Every  young  man  may  expect 
to  be  on  a  committee  where  his  services  as  secretary 
will  entitle  him  to  esteem.  No  one  knows  but  that 
the  time  may  come  when  he  will  be  glad  to  be  able 
to  prepare  a  petition,  a  report,  or  a  series  of  resolu- 
tions. ^ 

The  student  should  by  all  means  obtain  some  ele- 
mentary work  teaching  the  principles  of  English 
composition,  and  study  it  carefully.  It  is  better  to 
do  this,  however,  after  he  shall  have  made  some 
progress  in  mere  copying  and  corresponding,  lest  he 
be  embarrassed  at  the  same  time  by  the  labor  of 


LITERARY    COMPOSITION".  153 

writing,  and  of  forming  his  thoughts.  Parker's 
Exercises  is  to  be  commended  for  this  purposCj  but 
if  it  is  not  to  be  procured,  anj  schoolmaster  or  book- 
seller will  doubtless  aid  the  student  to  obtain  some 
other  work  on  the  same  subject.  The  Elements  of 
Khetoric,  by  Professor  Henry  Coppde,  (Philadel- 
phia, E.  H.  Butler  &  Co.,)  and  The  Scholar's  Com- 
panion, by  R.  W.  Baily,  will  at  this  stage  be  found 
to  be  excellent  and  most  useful  works.  Whately's 
Elements  of  Rhetoric,  and  Blair's  Lectures  on 
Rhetoric  and  Belles  Lettres  may  next  be  studied  to 
very  great  advantage.  Those  who  would  go  further 
in  this  study,  and  who  have  facilities  for  obtaining 
books,  will  derive  great  advantage  from  perusing 
the  Essays  on  the  Nature  and  Principles  of  Taste 
by  the  Rev.  Archibald  Alison,  Burke's  Philosophi- 
cal Enquiry  into  the  Origin  of  our  Ideas  on  the 
Sublime  and  Beautiful,  Campbell's  Philosophy  of 
Rhetoric,  and  the  Elements  of  Criticism,  by  Lord 
Kames. 

I  can  not  too  earnestly  insist  on  a  steady  adher- 
ence, in  writing,  to  the  principle  of  observing  regu- 
lar hours  for  study,  and  of  assiduously  reviewmg 
everything  learned  from  the  beginning.  To  keep 
up  these  reviews  with  the  least  possible  labor  is  of 


154  -^RT  OF  COJVVERSATIOJ^, 

itself  an  art,  though  far  from  being  one  which  i« 
difficult  of  application.  Geography,  which  must  al^ 
ways  be  kept  up  as  a  study,  should,  for  instance,  bo 
frequently  made  to  furnish  subjects  for  literary  com- 
position. As  the  student  advances  in  the  separate 
department  of  the  studj^  of  literature,  he  will  find 
that  geography  embraces,  or  leads  to,  the  read- 
ing of  books  of  travel,  of  history,  and  of  science. 
Thus  the  two  become  at  every  step  more  identified. 
In  pursuing  literary  composition,  he  will  find  that 
all  three  studies  continually  present  material  which 
is  common  to  each,  and  that,  in  consequence,  the 
acquisition  of  knowledge  becomes  easier  as  it  pro- 
gresses. 

The  student  need  be  under  no  apprehension  that 
confusion  will  result  from  this  growing  affinity  be- 
tween the  difibrent  branches  of  study.  Let  him 
perfectly  master  the  first  principles  as  here  laid 
down^  continually  acquiring  fresh  facility  in  their 
management  and  application,  and  he  will  see  his  way 
more  clearly  as  he  advances.  He  will  however  be 
materially  aided  in  this  by  observing  the  practice  of 
forming  groups  of  facts,  and  of  constantly  adding  to 
them,  of  which  I  have  spoken  more  fully  in  another 
place.     Every  man,  during  the  course  of  his  life, 


LITERARY    COMPOSITIOJV.  Ifg 

acquires,  and  rapidly  loses,  a  vast  amount  of  informa* 
tion  which  he  would  retain,  were  he  in  the  habit  of 
referring  each  item,  as  it  comes  to  his  knowledge,  to 
some  group  of  facts  which  he  has  formed  and  fre- 
quently reviewed. 

It  is  wonderful  how  rapidly  the  mind  gathers 
knowledge,  and  with  what  tenacity  it  is  retained, 
after  steadily  persevering  for  some  months  in  this 
practice  of  noting  down  certain  facts,  of  adding  to 
them  at  intervals,  and  of  carefully  learning  the 
whole  by  occasional  reviewing.  Its  results  in 
strengthening  the  memory  are  incredible,  especially 
with  the  young. 


156  -^^T  OF  COA'VERSATIOJ^ 


CHAPTER  XXn. 


OP  EEADINQ. 


F  IT  be  within  your  means,  obtain  a 
good  Cyclopaedia.  That  of  Apple- 
ton  is  at  present,  on  the  whole,  the 
cheapest  and  best  in  English,  and  it 
is  to  be  recommended  as  containing 
information  relative  to  America 
which  is  to  be  found  in  no  other 
work.  When,  in  the  course  of  your 
conversation,  or  reading,  a  subject 
is  introduced  of  which  you  are  not  well  informed, 
consult  the  Cyclopaedia  as  a  guide  to  further  know- 
ledge, and  as  far  as  is  possible,  impress  the  facts  on 
your  memory. 

The  student   will   derive   great  advantage   from 
keeping  common-place  books.     Let  them  be  stoutly 


OF  READIJVG.  157 

bound  blank  books,  with  a  wide  margin.  On  refer- 
^  ring  to  any  subject,  enter  its  name  and  definition  in 
your  book ;  adding  to  it,  from  time  to  time,  notes  of 
the  additional  information  which  may  be  acquired  :n 
it.  I  have  found  volumes  of  ordinary  sized  letter 
paper  the  most  convenient  for  this  purpose.  Write 
down  the  name  of  every  work  which  you  read,  with 
extracts  from  its  pages.  ^  author  has  said  that  to. 
read  withoutwriting,  is  to  be  guilty  of  downrighl 


Make  out  a  list  of  the  best  authors  in  the  English 
language  in  both  prose  and  poetry,  giving  the  prefer- 
ence to  those  of  long  established  reputation,  and 
read  them  carefully  as  opportunities  may  occur  to 
do  so.  Read  aloud,  at  times,  from  all  of  them,  as 
it  will  assist  you  materially  in  understanding  each 
author's  style. 

It  will  be  well  in  many  cases  if  the  student  begin 
by  reading  essays,  biographies,  standard  books  of 
travel,  and  other  works  of  light  literature ;  since 
T  am  convinced  that  this  is  the  surest  means  of 
acquiring  a  taste  for  reading,  and  of  awakening  a 
desire  to  become  familiar  with  more  solid  literature. 
Young  men  desirous  of  cultivating  their  minds,  often 
begin  by  reading  works  which,  owing  to  a  want  of 


158  ART  OF  COJ>rVERSATIOJV. 

geiieral  knowledge,  they  find  intolerably  heavy.  I 
have  frequently  known  one  ignorant  of  very  common 
facts,  and  of  well  known  books,  to  devote  .himself 
to  months  of  reading  of  first  class  historians.  For 
want  of  a  few  associations  of  interest,  everything 
thus  read  is  apt  to  vanish  from  the  memory  almost 
as  soon  as  perused.  For  this  reason  I  would  recom- 
mend a  careful  perusal  of  many  works  which  are 
not  generally  regarded  as  "educational;"  as,  for 
instance,  Bulwer's  "  Last  Days  of  Pompeii,"  which 
has  been  correctly  described  as  the  best  introduction 
to  Roman  Antiquities.  Let  the  reader  always  bear 
it  in  mind  that  every  fact  acquired  should  be  either 
made  the  centre  around  which  to  group  further 
information  on  the  same  subject,  or  else  be  added  to 
some  group  already  formed,  and  set  down  either  in 
the  memory  or  the  common-place  book.  If  this  habit 
of  collecting  and  classifying  knowledge  be  for  a 
short  time  vigorously  pursued  and  rigorously  ad- 
hered to,  the  results  will  be  both  remarkable  and 
gratifying.  Every  newspaper  will  be  found  to  con- 
tain paragraphs  worth  dipping  out  and  preserving. 
„  ^  If  a  club  or  society  be  formed  with  a  view  to  cul- 
tivating knowledge,  it  will  be  wdll  for  its  members 
\   to  obtain  a  few  works  for  reference.     AmoAg  these 


OF  READlJVa  159 

the  following  may  find  place  :  Lippincott's  "  Gen 
eral  Gazetteer,"  Brande's  "  Dictionarj  of  Science, 
Literature,  and  Art,"  The  American  Census  Re- 
port, Chamher's  "  Cyclopaedia  of  English  Litera- 
ture," and  Allibone's  *'  Critical  Dictionary  of  Eng- 
lish Literature  and  British  and  American  Authors." 
Useful  manuals  of  general  literature  in  the  form  of 
catalogues  have  been  published  by  the  Appletong 
and  G.  P.  Putnam,  of  New  York.  To  these  may 
be  added  Mills's  "  Literature  and  Literary  men  of 
Great  Britain,"  D'Israeli's  "  Curiosities  of  Litera- 
ture," Cleveland's.  "  Compendium  of  English  Litera- 
ture," andHallam's  ''Introduction  to  the  Literature 
of  Europe  in  the  15th,  16th  and  17th  Centuries." 
*'  Lectures  on  English  Literature,  from  Chaucer  to 
Tennyson,"  by  Henry  Reed,  of  Philadelphia,  is  also 
id  be  commended,  as  also  the  "  Handbook  of  Gen- 
eral Literature,"  by  Mrs.  Botta. 

Every  American  should  make  himself  tho- 
roughly conversant  with  the  literature  of  his  oivn 
country.  Let  this  be  borne  in  mind,  and  its  object 
pursued  with  eagerness.  There  is  no  more  infallible 
means  of  awakening  and  sustaining  national  pride 
and  patriotism  than  a  knowledge  of  the  genius  of 
your  native  land,  and  its  results.     Shakespeare  is 


J 60  >ART  OF  COJ^VERSATIOJ^. 

half  the  glory  of  England.  Make  it  a  matter  of 
conscience  to  be  able  to  recal  the  name  of  every 
American  writer  of  any  eminence,  and  to  have  some- 
thing more  than  a  superficial  knowledge  of  his  writ- 
ings. In  these  days,  everything  which  contributea 
to  create  a  national  feeling  is  of  very  great  substan- 
tial value,  and  you  can  materially  aid  it  by  teaching 
yourself  and  others  what  we  have  contributed,  as  a. 
country,  to  the  history  of  intellectual  culture.  If 
this  work  should  have  impressed  nothing  more  than 
this  fact  on  your  mind,  it  will  not  have  been  written 
in  vain. 

The  reader  will  find  in  Dr.  Gris wold's  "  Prose 
Writers  of  America,"  and  in  "  The  Poets  and  Poetry 
of  America,"  {latest  editioti)  information  which  will 
enable  him  to  make  a  good  beginning  on  the  subject 
of  which  it  treats.  Triibner's  "  Bibliographical 
Guide  to  American  Literature,"  published  in  Lon- 
don, presents,  in  the  form  of  a  catalogue,  the  titles 
of  all  American  works  printed  previous  to  the  year 
1859.  It  is  extremely  useful,  since  it  gives,  under 
separate  headings,  the  titles  of  books  published  on 
different  subjects,  and  also  contains,  in  the  form  of 
an  introduction,  an  excellent  and  concise  history  of 
American  literature. 


OF  READIJVG.  161 

The  study  of  general  literature  may  be  advanta- 
geously pursued  in  the  following  manner.  Let  tha 
student  obtain,  for  example,  "  The  Poets  and  Poetry 
of  Europe ;  with  Introductions  and  Biographical 
Notices,"  by  Henry  W.  Longfellow.  Beginning 
"with  what  is  written  of  the  literature  of  each  lan- 
guage, he  should  not  merely  master  it  by  frequent 
perusal,  but,  so  far  as  he  is  able,  follow  it  up  by  ob- 
taining and  reading  the  works  referred  to  in  the 
volume.  He  will  at  least  thereby  make  beginnings, 
or  groups,  to  which  all  the  subsequent  information 
on  the  subject  which  is  met  with,  may  be  attached. 
He  will  find  something  relating  to  these  groups  in 
almost  every  good  literary  magazine,  and  very  fre- 
quently indeed  in  newspapers.  Let  it  all  be  col- 
lected. Copy  and  clip  assiduously.  Bring  into  your 
reading  circle  all  facts  thus  acquired,  and  discuss 
them  freely. 

In  connection  with  this  study,  the  reader  will  de- 
rive great  advantage  from  carefully  perusing,  as  ho 
advances,  the  "Historical  Views  of  the  Literature 
of  the  South  of  Europe,"  by  J.  C.  L.  Simonde  de 
Sismondi,  (Bohn's  Standard  Library  —  to  be  ob- 
tained through  most  booksellers)  ;  ' '  The  Prose  Writ- 
ers of  Germany,"  by  Frederic  H.  Hedge,  (Phila- 


162  -^^T  OF  COJS-VERSATIOJSr. 

delphia,  1848)  ;  *'  History  of  Spanish  Literature/ 
bj  George  Ticknor  ;  Hallam's  "  Introduction  to  the 
Literature  of  Europe,"  (Boston,  Sheldon  &  'Co. 
1863);  Max  Miiller's  "German  Classics  from  the 
Xiy.  to  the  XIX.  Century,"  (London,  1858); 
*'  Sketches  of  the  Poetical  Literature  of  the  Past 
Half  Century,"  by  D.  M.  Moir,  (Edinburgh,  1851); 
*'  The  History  of  English  Poetry,"  by  Thomas  War- 
ton,  (London,  1840)  ;  ''The  Poets  and  Poetry  of 
the  Ancient  Greeks,"  by  Abraham  Mills,  (Boston, 
1854)  ;  "  Specimens  of  Foreign  Standard  Litera- 
ture," edited  by  George  Ripley,  (Boston,  1838-9), 
and  "  Specimens  of  the  Greek  and  Roman  Classic 
Poets,"  translated  into  English  verse  by  Charles 
Abraham  Elton,  (Philadelphia :  F-  Bell,  1854.)  A 
very  extensive  series  of  the  works  of  the  English 
poets  has  been  issued  by  Little  &  Brown,  of  Boston, 
and  many  useful  selections  may  be  made  from  the 
publications  of  Henry  G.  Bohn,  in  London.  These 
books ;  a  catalogue  of  which  may  be  obtained  from 
every  bookseller  ;  comprise  several  hundred  volumes 
of  excellent  works  of  general  literature,  which  are 
for  sale  in  our  principal  American  cities,  at  a 
very  moderate  price.  For  a  knowledge  of  the  shortei 
current  poems  of  the  English  language,  the  student 


OF  REAJDIJVG.  163 

may  consult  the  ''  Household  Book  of  Poetry,"  col- 
lected and  edited  by  Charles  A.  Dana,  (New  York 
3358.) 

This  list  might  be  greatly  extended,  but  the  readei 
may  rest  assured  that  long  before  he  can  have  care- 
fully read  so  many  of  these  works  as  he  will  proba- 
bly be  able  to  buy,  hire,  or  borrow,  no  difficulty  will 
be  experienced  in  continuing  the  course  of  literary 
study  for  himself  As  he  progresses,  and  his  inter- 
est is  awakened,  he  may  take  up  standard  works  of 
history,  and  peruse  them  with  real  relish.  From 
history  he  will  derive  intellectual  strength,  and  its 
study  should  be  continued  through  life.  As  an  easily 
mastered  and  purely  elementary  work,  the  excellent 
''  Landmarks  of  History,"  by  Miss  Yonge,  (3  vol- 
umes, Philadelphia,  F.  Leypoldt,  1864),  may  be 
commended  to  young  readers. 

Let  the  student  avoid  second-class  novels,  and, 
indeed,  a  very  large  proportion  of  the  light  works 
constantly  poured  forth  from  the  press.  To  peruse 
them  not  only  wastes  time,  but,  what  is  worse,  weak- 
ens the  mind.  If  it  be  convenient,  one  may  pro- 
perly know  what  is  being  published,  and  acquire  a 
general  knowledge  of  its  character,  without  injury , 
but  the  greater  part  of  your  reading  should  be  de- 


154  -^RT  OF  COJVVERSATIOJ\r. 

voted  to  books  of  established  reputation.  It  is  mel- 
ancholy to  think  of  the  amount  of  trash  over  which 
many  men  and  many  more  women,  debase  their 
intellects. 

Never  let  your  reading  betray  you  into  pedantry. 
Its  main  object  should  be  to  make  your  conversation 
not  only  sensible,  but  also  agreeable  and  varied. 


MORAL  AJSTD  MEJ^TAL  PHILOSOPHY,      165 


CHAPTER  XXm. 


HOBAL  AND  MENTAL   FHILOSOPHT. 


0  ONE  can  have  made  himself 
even  partially  familiar  with  the 
course  of  general  literature  which 
has  heen  commended  to  him  in 
these  pages,  without  feeling  the 
need  of  knowledge  on  the  subject 
of  mental  and  moral  philosophy, 
or,  as  it  is  generally,  though  not 
very  correctly  termed,  of  meta- 
physics. 

Erudition  is  most  rapidly  acquired  by  learning 
as  much  as  is  possible  of  every  subject  at  a  time, 
or  in  making  a  "thorough  beginning,  by  reviewing 
our  knowledge,  and  by  adding  to  it.  To  make 
a  good    beginning    in    general    literature,     "  The 


166  -^RT  OF  COJVVERSATIOJV. 

History  of  Philosophy,"  by  Dr.  0.  S.  Henry, 
(New  York,  Harper  Brothers,)  may  be  commended, 
to  be  followed  by  the  "  Biographical  History  of 
Philosophy,"  by  G.  H.  Lewes,  (New  York,  Apple- 
ton,  1859,)  and  Tenriemann's  "  Manual  of  the  His- 
tory of  Philosophy,"  translated  by  Rev.  Arthur 
Johnson,  (Oxford,  1832.)  With  these  may  be  con- 
sulted "  Fleming's  Vocabulary  of  Philosophy," 
containing  a  valuable  list  of  writers  on  the  subject 
of  which  it  treats,  edited  by  Rev.  C.  P.  Krauth, 
(Philadelphia,  Smith  &  English,  I860,)  and 
*'  Scliwegler's  History  of  Philosophy,"  (New  York, 
Appleton  &  Co.)  From  these  works  the  student 
will  readily  find  his  way  to  the  original  sources 
of  which  they  treat.  I  commend  a  careful  study 
of  this  branch  of  learning,  since  it  is  unquestion- 
ably true  that  those  whose  minds  readily  incline  to 
it,  find  the  least  difficulty  in  acquiring  and  classi- 
fying general  knowledge.  A  man  who  has  mas- 
tered all  the  principal  formulas  and  methods  of 
thought  which  history  presents,  has  acquired  the 
sterns^  so  to  speak,  of  all  literature,  science,  and 
art. 


JESTHETICS. 


167 


CHAPTER  XXIV 


01   ART   IN   CONVERSATION.      ^STHEIICS. 


S  ART  in  some  form  is  fre- 
quently made  a  subject  of  con- 
versation in  all  circles,  it  is  ad- 
visable that  every  one  should 
possess  some  sound  information 
regarding  it. 

After  a  certain  progress  has 
been  made  in  literature,  a  know- 
ledge of  art  becomes  indispensa- 
ble, to  enlighten  much  of  our  reading.  If  this  be 
deliberately  undertaken  on  fixed  principles,  a  few 
weeks  of  systematic  reading  will  be  of  more  real  avail 
than  years  ^{)ent  in  irregular  "dilettantism,''  or 
looking  at  pictures  and  other  works  by  mere  chance. 
There  are  very  few  persons  indeed  who  are  en 


168  -^^2"  OF  COjYVERSATIOJST 

gaged  in  manufactures  or  mechanical  occupations  of 
any  kind,  to  whom  the  historical  knowledge  alone  of 
art  would  not  prove  of  very  great  profit. 

The  study  of  art  in  all  its  branches  may  be  ad- 
vantageously pursued,  first,  in  books  devoted  to  its 
general  history  and  principles,  and  secondly,  in 
detail,  as  opportunities  for  study  and  observation 
present  themselves.  I  at  any  rate  advise  the  reader 
who  would  be  a  proficient  in  conversation,  to  learn 
at  least  the  names  and  characteristics  of  the-  princi- 
pal painters,  and  their  schools ;  to  become  familiar 
V  (from  engravings)  with  the  difierent  orders  and  styles 
4of  architecture,  and  the  principal  buildings  of  the 
l.'world,  and  to  know  something  of  sculpture.  Archi- 
tecture is  very  intimately  connected  with  history, 
and  is,  of  all  branches  of  study,  the  one  most  easily 
mastered  so  far  as  the  general  details  are  concerned. 
Let  the  reader  remember  that  every  period  of  his- 
tory produced  its  peculiar  language,  philosophy  oi 
religion,  literature,  songs,  style  of  painting,  sculp 
ture,  dress,  manners  and  customs,  music,  and  gene- 
ral tastes.  These  were  all  allied  to  each  other,  and/ 
grew  out  of  one  common  national  feeling.  All  of 
them  were  most  characteristically  reflected  in  their 
architecture.    As  soon  as  a  new  style  of  architecture 


mSTHETICS.  169 

spread  over  Europe,  it  was  promptly  modified  by 
each  nation  into  a  sub-style,  in  accordance  with  its 
other  arts  and  habits.  If  you  learn  what  these  dif- 
ferent stages  of  art  were,  you  will  have  advanced 
into  "the  study  of  aesthetics,'"  or  "the  theory  and 
^philosophy  of  taste,  the  science  of  the  beautiful,  or 
that  which  treats  of  the  principles  of  the  belles  let- 
\tres  and  fine  arts." 

Do  not  undertake  to  talk  of  pictures  or  of  any 
works  of  art  whatever,  until  you  have  acquired,  from 
reading  the  history  of  the  subject,  some  accurate 
ideas.  Unless  you  do  so,  you  will  chatter  nonsense, 
despite  all  that  is  said  of  there  being  no  disputing  on 
"  mere  matters  of  taste."  There  is  no  such  thing 
as  a  "  mere  matter  of  taste." 

A  beginning  may  be  made  in  the  study  of  art  from 
the  works  of  Mrs.  Anna  Jameson,  especially  in  her 
"  Memoirs  of  the  Early  Italian  Painters,"  (Boston, 
Ticknor  k  Fields,  1859,)  "  Memoirs  and  Essays  on 
Artj  Literature,  and  Social  Morals,"  (1846.)  and 
"  Sacred  and  Legendary  Art,"  (1857.)  Also,  for 
general  reference,  the  "  Anecdotes  of  Painters,  En- 
gravers, Sculptors,  Architects,  and  Curiosities  of 
Art,"  by  Shearjashub  Spooner,  (New  York,  1853,) 
and  a  "  Handbook  of  Literature  and  the  Fine  Arts,' 
8 


l70  -^^T  OF  COJVVERSATIOJS, 

compiled  by  George  Eipley  and  Bayard  Tayloi^ 
(New  York,  1852,)  which  are  the  most  easily  acceg- 
sible  American  works  of  the  kind.  Por  reading.  I 
would  recommend  "  Lanzi's  History  of  Painting,'* 
translated  by  Thomas  Roscoe,  (London,  H.  G.  Bohn, 
1847,)  Vasari's  "Lives  of  the  Painters,"  Kugler'a 
''Handbook  of  the  History  of  Painting,"  "The 
Philosophy  of  the  Beautiful,"  by  Victor  Cousin, 
(New  York,  1854,)  "  Ten  Centuries  of  Art,"  by 
H.  Noel  Humphries,  (1852,)  "  Lectures  on  An- 
cient Art,"  by  Eaoul  Rochette,  (London,  1854,) 
"Artist  Life,"  by  H.  T.  Tuckerman,  (New  York, 
1847,)  "  Works  of  Art  and  Artists  in  England," 
by  G.  F.  Waagen,  "  Lectures  on  Painting,  by  the 
Royal  Academicians,"  (London,  H.  G,  Bohn,  1848,) 
C.  0.  Miiller's  "  Ancient  Art,"  "Materials  for  a 
History  of  Oil  Painting,"  by  Charles  L.  Eastlake, 
Schlegel's  ^Esthetic  works,  (Bohn's  Library,  Lon- 
don, 1847,)  "Art  Hints,  "  —  also  "Art  Studies," 
by  James  Jackson  Jarves,  (New  York,  1862,)  "The 
History  of  the  Art  of  Painting,"  and  "  Sculpture 
and  the  Plastic  Art,"  (Boston,  J.  P.  Jewett,  1850,) 
Dunlap's  "History  of  the  Arts  of  Design  in  the 
United  States,  (New  York,  1834,)  and,  if  accessi- 
ble, D'Agincourt's  "  History  of  Art,  (6  vols.,  Paris, 


JESTHETWS.  171 

1823.)  and  ''  Reflections  on  the  Painting  and  Sculp- 
ture of  the  Greeks,  &c.,"  bj  Winkelmann. 

I  do  not  advise  the  reader  to  touch  the  works  of 
Ruskin  until  he  shalh  bj  previous  study  of  good 
authors,  have  formed  settled  and  correct  views  of 
xA.rt.  In  Ruskin  there  is  much  real  information  sub- 
jected to  the  treatment  of  the  rhapsodic,  chaotic 
mind  of  a  man  who  was,  as  he  boasts,  totally  igno- 
rant of  all  that  had  been  written  on  the  subject  of 
Esthetics  by  its  greatest  masters,  the  Germans.  His 
reputation  is  principally  derived  from  "  fine  writ- 
ing" and  bold  dogmatism. 

I  by  no  means  enjoin  this  course  of  reading  aa 
indispensable.  It  is  simply  given  that  those  who 
have  the  ambition  to  qualify  themselves  for  very 
accomplished  conversationalists  by  acquiring  a  wido 
range  of  general  knowledge,  may  know  what  books 
may  be  safely  read.  For  ordinary  purposes,  to  sim- 
ply "pass  well"  when  such  subjects  are  introduced,  a 
very  few  of  these  books  will  suffice.  "Whatever  is  read 
at  all,  should,  however,  be  read  very  thoroughly. 

Let  the  reader  beware  of  finding  fault  with  worka 
of  art^  unless  he  is  very  positive  from  previous  study 
that  he  is  quite  in  the  right.  Those  who  are  igno- 
rant of  drawing  and  coloring,  are  generally  the  most 


172  -^RT  OF  COJVVERSATIOJV. 

arrogant  in  their  criticisms.  Having  "  been  to  Eu- 
rope "  is  no  proof  of  a  knoivledge  of  art,  unless  it  has 
been  accompanied  bj  careful  study,  and  a  man  -who 
Yijs  never  seen  a  great  picture,  but  who  has  read 
much,  and  studied  some  good  engravings  of  great 
works,  will  indubitably  know  far  more  on  the  subject 
than  an  idle  person  who  has  run  through  all  the 
great  galleries  abroad. 

Beware,  too,  of  indiscriminate  admiration.  This 
country  is  prolific  in  self-taught,  very  ignorant 
artists,  whose  works  are  lauded  in  the  newspapers 
a3  being  equal  to  anything  ever  produced  hy  the 
old  masters.  Become  a  scholar,  and  they  will  not 
dazzle  you. 

Never  imagine  that  any  one  is  ''  a  judge  of  pic- 
tures," or  an  authority  in  art,  unless  you  know 
that  he  has  carefully  read  its  history,  and  is  also  a 
person  of  literary  attainments,  or  of  much  general 
.  knowledge.  If  his  "  taste  "  has  been  acquired  sim- 
ply by  looking  at  paintings,  he  may  indeed  have 
picked  up  many  details,  and  possess  *'  a  picture- 
dealer's  knowledge  of  art,"  but  little  else.  Painting 
is  so  nearly  allied  to  poetry  and  history,  that  an 
ignorant  man  who  has  become  fam'^iar  with  the 
works  of  the  great  masters,  is  a  pamful  incongruity. 


JES  THE  TICS  173 

\VTien  he  is,  however,  a  collector,  and  the  owner  of 
a  gallerjj  we  may  be  reminded  of  the  blind  man  of 
the  Spanish  proverb,  whose  beautiful  wife  was  adorned 
for  the  admiration  of  his  friends. 

Avoid  the  frequently  repeated  and  vulgar  error, 
that  the  old  masters  were  inferior  to  the  modern, 
and  remember  that  it  is  only  very  ignorant  persona 
wlio  sneer ,  indiscriminately  at  all  ''old  pictures.'' 
A  few  centuries  ago,  most  of  the  genius  of  Europe, 
instead  of  being  given,  as  at  present,  in  a  great  mea- 
sure, to  practically  useful  pursuits,  was  devoted  to 
art ;  and  it  is  absurd  to  assume  that  such  efforts,  by 
the  world's  most  intelligent  races,  did  not  produce 
great  results.  The  great  lesson  of  history,  and  the 
basis  of  all  true  criticism,  is  to  fully  understand  that 
every  age,  and  all  that  it  brought  forth,  form  essen- 
tially a  whole  with  other  eras ;  —  that  the  past  was 
the  basis  of  the  present,  —  and  that  it  is  as  unrea- 
sonable to  underrate  it  by  comparison  with  the  pres- 
ent, as  it  would  be  to  decide  on  the  relative  mer'ta 
of  the  blossom  and  the  fruit. 


174 


ART  OF  COJ\^VERSATIOJV: 


CHAPTER  XXV 


OP   STUDTINQ   LiLNaUAGES. 


0  LEARN  a  language  is  to  prac- 
tice an  art ;  to  study  the  general 
principles  of  languages  in  their 
aflSnities  and  history,  known  as 
philology ;  is  to  investigate  a  sci- 
ence. In  his  excellent  "  Lectures 
on  Language,"  Professor  ]\Jax 
Miiller  claims  that  Philology  has 
been  raised  to  the  rank  of  an 
exact  science,  with  a  physical  basis. 

I  commend  a  careful  reading  of  these  Lectures  to 
all  who  would  study  language  thoroughly  In  con- 
nection with  them,  the  reader  will  derive  great  ad- 
vantage from  "  An  Outline  of  the  Elements  of  the 
English  Language,"  by  Prof  N.  G    Clark,  (New 


STUDYIJVG    LAJVGUAGES.  I75 

York.  Charles  Scribner,)  ''Modern  Philosophy,"  by 
Benjamin  D.  Dwight,  (New  York,  A.  S.  BarneSj 
1859,)  "Marsh's  Lectures,"  and  "The  Philoso- 
phy of  Life  and  the  Philosophy  of  Language,"  by 
Frederic  von  Schlegel.  Should  he  find  the  study 
congenial  to  his  tastes,  he  may,  after  mastering  these 
works,  venture  to  attack  the  great  "  Comparative 
Grammar  "  of  Bopp,  translated  by  Lieut.  Eastwick. 
With  these  he  can  hardly  fail  to  guide  himself  through 
the  different  branches  of  this  fascinating  science,  of 
which  it  may  be  truly  said  that  few  tend  so  much 
to  cultivate  and  enlarge  the  mind  in  its  pursuit  of 
knowledge. 

I  would  advise  the  reader  to  master  his  own  lan- 
guage so  that  he  may  not  merely  be  able  to  read 
Chaucer,  Gower,  Lydgate,  and  other  old  English 
and  Scottish  poets  with  ease,  —  in  doing  which  he 
can  derive  much  aid  from  Chaucer's  "  Legende  of 
Goode  Women."  edited  with  a  valuable  introduction 
and  notes,  by  Iliram  Corson,  (Philadelphia,  F.  Ley- 
poldt,)  —  but  also  to  obtain  something  more  than  a 
merely  superficial  knowledge  of  Anglo-Saxon,  which 
may  be  done  from  the  "  Grammar  "  and  "  Analecta 
Anglo-Saxonica"  of  Louis  Klipstein,  (New  York, 
G.  P.  Putnam.)     To  learn  Greek  with  its  dialects, 


176  -^RT  OF  CO.rVERSATIOJV. 

and  even  Latin,  as  our  collegians  are  expected  to  dcA^ 
before  acquiring  the  slightest  knowledge  of  our  own 
noble  language  in  its  earlier  forms,  is  one  of  the 
absurdities  which  will  at  a  future  day  seem  inex- 
plicable to  a  more  thorough  generation  of  scholars. 
With  the  works  of  Klipstein  may  be  also  studied 
"The  Hand  Books  of  Anglo-Saxon  Orthography; 
of  Anglo-Saxon  Root- Words;  and  of  Anglo-Saxon 
Derivations."     (New  York,  1854.) 

To  study  French,  Spanish,  Italian  and  German, 
and  Latin,  an  easy  beginning  may  be  made  with 
Monteith's  "Languages  Without  a  Master,"  which 
work  may  be  had  in  separate  numbers  of  any  book- 
seller at  a  very  moderate  price.  Having  mastered, 
let  us  say,  "  French  Without  a  Master,"  the  student 
would  do  well  to  procure  from  the  Bible  Society  in 
New  York,  or  of  any  of  its  agencies,  a  French  New 
Testament.  This  excellent  institution  not  only  pro- 
vides the  New  Testament  in  many  modern  languages, 
with  the  English  version  on  a  parallel  column,  but 
is  also ;  according  to  my  experience  ;  extremely  cour- 
teous and  obliging,  through  its  agents,  in  obtaining 
for  scholars,  and  others,  such  translations  which  are 
Bold  at  very  low  prices. 

Having  read  the  Testament  with  careful  and  fre- 


STrDYIA'G   LAJVGUAGES.  177 

quent  reference  to  the  grammar,  the  student  may 
translate  some  easy  work,  with  the  aid  of  a  diction- 
ary. The  Testi'imen't  will  have  supplied  so  many 
words  and  expressions,  that  it  will  be  found  a  mat- 
ter of  no  difficulty.  He  should  then  write  exer- 
cises, which  he  may  do  to  advantage  from  "  Ollen- 
dorff's Method/'  a  very  thorough  work. 

For  the  student  of  French  who  is  thus  far  ad- 
vanced, I  commend  the  excellent  "  New  Guide  to 
Modern  Conversation  in  French  and  English,  by 
Whitcomb  and  Bellenger,"  Philadelphia,  (F.  Ley- 
poldt,  1863,  ''  Trois  Soirees  Litter  aires  a  V  Hotel 
d' Avranches^^^  (an  admirable  book)  by  Mme.  C.  R. 
Corson;  and  for  reading,  Lam^  Fleury's  ^^  Histoire 
de  France^- ^  and  "  Trois  Mois  sous  la  Neigej'^  by 
Jacques  Porchat,  a  work  crowned  by  the  French  Acad- 
emy, (Philadelphia,  F.  Leypoldt.  New  York, 
Carle  ton.) 

The  same  system  may  be  pursued  with  the  other 
languages.  German  may,  however,  be  more  readily 
acquired  by  substituting  for  the  ''  Ollendorff" 
(which^  as  arranged  for  this  language  is  very  diffi* 
cult,)  a  work  of  the  same  character,  according  to 
the  method  of  Ahn,  by  Fiillborn,  (Philadelphia^  J 
B.  Lippincott.) 


178  ART  OF  COJSrrEBSATIOJSr. 

Let  none  be  afraid  lest  the  study  of  languages 
prove  too  difficult.  Let  him  rather  dread  his  own 
indolence.  It  should  never  be  forgotten  that  everj 
step  in  learning  is  easier  than  the  one  preceding, 
and  that  to  a  man  or  woman  who  has  any  real  claim 
to  be  intelligent,  and  to  deserve  a  rank  above  the  in- 
curably ignorant  and  incapable,  I  have  not  advised 
in  these  pages  a  single  object  of  study,  or  a  single 
book,  which  can  not  be  acquired  or  understood  by 
means  of  steady  reading  and  occasional  reviewing. 

Having  made  an  advance  in  French  and  Spanish, 
or  Italian,  (and  not  till  then,  since  it  is  best  to  take 
the  easiest  step  first,)  the  student  should  attempt  to 
acquire  a  knowledge  of  the  Latin  classics  in  the  ori- 
ginal, beginning  with  Caesar's  "Commentaries,"  and 
"  Cornelius  Nepos."  For  this  purpose,  I  suggest  the 
aid  of  literal  translations.  Very  great  scholars  have 
commended  this  method,  and  it  was  generally  pur- 
sued when  the  study  of  classic  literature  was  at  its 
height  in  Europe.  As  has  been  well  said,  literal 
translations  direct  the  student  immediately  to  the 
order  in  which  words  are  to  be  taken,  and  at  the 
same  time  at  once  supply  him  with  their  meaning. 
Experience  teaches  that  words  thus  learned  are  more 
readily  remembered  than  in  any  other  way.     The 


STUDYIJVa    LAJSTGUAGES  IJS 

grammar  siouTd  however  be  carefully  studied,  and, 
if  it  be  possible,  "  exercises  "  in  the  language  should 
be  frequently  written.  In  studying  Latin,  a  Latin 
Bible  is  invaluable. 

I  have,  since  writing  the  above,  met  with  an  asser- 
tion to  the  effect  that  no  one  ever  learned  a  language 
well  without  a  master ;  and  that,  with  very  rare 
exceptions,  no  progress  of  any  real  value  in  such 
studies  is  ever  made,  except  in  the  countries  where 
the  languages  are  spoken.  The  author  can  within 
his  experience  point  out  a  score  of  instances  of  per- 
sons of  not  more  than  average  intelligence,  who 
have,  without  instruction,  mastered  one  or  more  lan- 
guages to  such  an  extent,  that  only  a  short  residence 
m  the  respective  countries  would  have  given  them 
perfect  fluency  in  conversation.  Let  it  be  remem- 
bered, however,  that  'perfection  in  a  foreign  lan- 
guage is  rarely  attained,  and  that  one  has  opened 
the  gate  to  a  vast  amount  of  information  when  ha 
can  simply  read  another  tongue. 


180 


JRT  OF  C0J>rVERSJlTJOJV 


CHAPTEE  XXVL 


OF  CUBIOUS  AND    MISCELLANEOUS    KNOWLEDGE. 


HERE  are  certain  little  topics  of 
no  (/reat  value,  on  which  it  is, 
however,  agreeable  to  be  well  in- 
formed, since  the  opportunities  for 
imparting  information  on  them 
very  frequently  occur  in  society, 
and  they  furnish  innumerable  il- 
lustrations for  "  small  talk." 
When  discussing  jewelry  with 
a  lady,  you  may  entertain  her  with  a  few  trifles 
drawn  from  "  The  History  and  Poetry  of  Finger 
Rings,"  by  Charles  T.  Edwards,  (New  York,  1855,) 
or  from  that  very  agreeable  book  ^^  Lithiaka ;  or 
Gems  and  Jewels,  their  History,  Geography,  Chem- 
istry, and   Ana,"   by  Madame  de  Barrera,  (New 


MISCELLAJVEOUS  KJVOWLEDGE,        181 

York,  Harpers,  1859,)  or  from  "  Jewelry  and  Pre- 
cious Stones,"  (Philadelphia*,  J.  Pennington,  1856.) 
At  the  table,  remarks  on  old  China  or  Sdvres  may 
be  reinforced  from  Joseph '  Mary  att's  "Collections 
Towards  a  History  of  Pottery  and  Porcelain,"  from 
"  Pallissy,  the  Potter,"  or  from  "  The  Curiosities 
of  Glass  Making,"  by  Apsley  Pallatt,  (London, 
1849.)  Sewing  may  suggest  something  from  "  The 
Handbook  of  Needlework,  from  the  Earliest  Ages," 
by  the  Countess  of  Wilton,  j^London,  1840,)  or  Misa 
Latnbert's  "  Church  Needlework,"  (London,  1854.) 
Perfumes  may  be  studied  in  the  interesting  "Art  of 
Perfumery,"  by  G.  W.  Septimus  Piesse,  (Philadel- 
phia, 1856,)  or  in. his  "  Odors  of  Flowers,"  or  in 
*'  Perfumery,"  by  Campbell  Morfit,  (Philadelphia, 
1853.)  At  dinners,  Doran's  "  Table  Traits,  with 
Something  on  Them,"  Brillat  Savarin's  "Physiology 
of  Taste,''  Simmond's  "  Curiosities  of  Food,"  and 
Sayer's  "  Pantropheon,"  will  suggest  many  amusing 
anecdotes  of  food^  and  even  confectionery  affords  a 
number  of  curious  facts,  which  may  be  gleaned  from 
the  books  of  Gunter  and  of  Parkinson.  Pettigrew'a 
"Medical  Superstitions,"  and  Cordy  Jeafferson's 
''  Book  about  Doctors,"  may  amuse  when  remedies 
are  discussed.    "  Redding  on  Wines  "  contains  infor- 


182  '^RT  OF  COJVVERSATIOA", 

mation  for  a  convivial  friend,  and  the  "Anecdotes 
of  Animals,"  (London,  1861,)  is  useful  for  an  occa- 
Bional  appropriate  storj.  "  Arthur  on  Family 
Names,"  and  Lower's  "  Dictionary  of  Family 
Names,"  are  excellent  works  when  that  very  com- 
mon subject  is  discussed  ;  while  Bishop's  "  History 
of  American  Manufactures  "  may  be  almost  daily 
quoted,  and,  what  is  more,  studied  to  real  advantage. 
Fairholdt's  "  History  of  Tobacco  "  contains  much 
that  is  interesting  to  smokers.  Among  other  works 
which  will  be  found  useful,  are  "  Hogarth's  History 
of  Music,"  "Musical  Sketches,"  by  Elise  Polko, 
translated  by  Fanny  Fuller,  and  "  Mendelshon'a 
Letters,"  translated  by  Lady  Wallace,  (Philadel- 
phia, F.  Leypoldt,)  "  The  Percy  Anecdotes,"  "  Par- 
lor Charades  <and  Proverbs,"  by  S.  Annie  Frost, 
(Philadelphia,  J.  B.  Lippincott,) — an  amusing  work 
for  social  entertainment,  —  "  The  Floral  Lexicon," 
"  Salad  for  the  Solitary,"  ''  Costume  in  England," 
by  F.  W.  Fairholt,  (1846,)  Hone's  "Year  Book," 
"  New  Curiosities  of  Literature,"  by  George  Soane, 
"The  Pocket  Lacon,"  "  A  Lift  for  the  Lazy,"  (New 
York,  1849,)  Bohn's  "Handbook  of  Proverbs," 
"The  Rose;  its  History,  Poetry,  &c.,"  by  S.  B. 
Parsons,    (New  York,   1847,)    "  I'lowers  for  the 


MISCELLAJ^EOUS  KJ^OWLEDGE,       \%Z 

Parlor  and  Garden,"  by  E.  S.  Rand,  (Boston,  J. 
E.  Tilton  &  Co.,  1863,)  ''  Opportunities  for  Indus- 
try," (Philadelphia,  1859,)  a  work  containing  much 
curious  and  valuable  information  on  a  great  variety 
of  topics,  ''The  Sea,"  {La  Mer)  by  Michelet, 
(New  York,  Carleton,)  Hoyle's  *'  Games,"  and 
''  The  Book  of  Chess  Literature,"  by  D.  W.  Fiske. 
(New  York,  Carleton.) 

Let  th«  reader  remember  that  I  by  no  means  urge 
the  reading  of  any  of  these  works  as  absolutely 
essential  to  culture,  but  as  simply  supplying  some 
of  that  agreeable  general  information,  without  which 
mere  erudition  is  apt  to  appear  heavy,  if  not  repul- 
sive, when  advanced  in  ordinary  society. 


184 


ART  OF  COJSrVERSATWM. 


CHAPTER   XXVn. 


OF    SCIENCE. 


HAVE,  in  the  preceding  chapters, 
traced  the  studies  of  geography, 
grammar,  literary  composition,  and 
general  literature  from  their  first 
principles,  and  shown  the  reader 
how  it  is  possible  to  pursue  them  to 
their  higher  developments,  where 
they  may  be  said,  in  a  certain  sense, 
to  blend  into  one. 
I  have  not  as  yet,  however,  spoken  of  acquiring 
the  practical  knowledge  that  leads  to  Science, 
which  is  far  more  accurate  and  searching  than  tho 
pursuits  of  literature  and  of  art.  In  fact,  I  do  not 
recommend  any  to  follow  these  studies  to  their  higher 
h'"anches,  even  under  the  influence  of  a  knowledge 


sciJEj>rvE.  135 

of  moral  aD'J  mental  philosophy,  unless  they  be 
qualified  by  seme  acquaintance  with  science.  The 
merely  literary  and  artistic  mind  is  not  adapted  to 
the  present  age,  and  its  habits  of  thought  lack  pre- 
ciseness  and  strength. 

The  area  of  scientific  study  is  however  so  vast 
that  it  is  with  reluctance  I  venture  to  indicate  the 
possibility  of  mastering  even  its  principles  without 
the  aid  of  others.      The  reader  who  has  acquired 
some  acquaintance  with  history,  possesses,  I  will  as- 
sume, the  power  to  comprehend  a  general  history  of 
science,  from  Bacon  to  Comte.     If  he  has  mastered 
to  any  considerable  degree  the  works  which  I  have 
indicated  in  the  chapters  "  Of  Acquiring  General 
Knowledge,"  and  of  "  Moral  and  Mental  Philoso- 
phy," he  will  readily  appreciate  the  outlines  of  the 
great  growth  of  practical  and  positive  philosophy. 
If,  for  instance,  while  studying  geography,  he  should 
have  read  the  "  Comparative  Physical  and  Historical 
Geography  "  of  Arnold  Guyot,   (Boston,  Gould  & 
Lincoln,)  or  "  The  Earth  and  Man,"  by  the  same 
author,  he   can  not   have  failed   to  acquire   some 
knowledge  of  the  advance  of  science.    A  simple  and 
popular  work,  such  as  "  Knowledge  is  Power,"  by 
Charles  Knight,  Well's  "  Familiar  Science,"  (Phila- 


186  -^I^T  OF  COJSrVERSATIOJ\r. 

delphia,  G.  W.  Childs,)  or  Whewell's  "  Influence  of 
the  History  of  Science  upon  Intellectual  Education/' 
will  now  be  found  useful  in  preparing  the  mind  for 
perusing  the  history  of  science,  and  especially  those 
biographies  of  the  great  physical  philosophers  in 
which  it  is  most  accurately  written. 

NATURAL  PHIJiOSOPHT. 

Algebra,  and  Geometry,  and  Plane  and  Spherical 
Trigonometry  should  be  studied  by  all  who  find  on 
(jareful  examination,  that  elementary  works  on  these 
subjects  present  no  invincible  difficulties.  Prom  this 
point  the  general  knowledge  of  science  becomes,  in  a 
great  measure,  possible  or  impossible,  according  to 
the  power  of  application  possessed  by  the  student. 
The  "  Primary  Lessons  in  Natural  Philosophy,"  by 
J.  L.  Comstock,  the  "  Introduction  to  Natural  Phi- 
losophy," by  D.  Olmstead,  Draper's  "  Text  Book," 
and  "  Gray's  Elements,"  are  works  generally  used 
in  schools,  and  being  easy  to  obtain,  may  be  com- 
mended as  forming  a  good  introduction  to  practical 
pcience.  Bouvier's  ''  Familiar  Astronomy,"  (Phila- 
delphia, G.  W.  Childs,)  has  been  commended  by  the 
most  competent  authority  in  England  and  America, 
as  an  excellent  introduction  to  the  science  of  which 
it  treats. 


SCIEJVCE.  187 

For  the  study  of  general  mechanics,  the  "  Ele- 
ments of  Mechanics,"  by  W.  H.  C.  Bartlett,  Bou- 
charlat's  *'  Elementary  Treatise  on  Mechanics, '^  and 
Ren  wick's  "  Mechanics,"  will  furnish  a  beginning 
not  beyond  the  grasp  of  a  practical  mind,  even  with- 
out a  teacher.  It  is  needless  to  say,  that  to  every 
intelligent  person  pursuing  this  study  with  avidity, 
opportunities  for  improvement  are  to  be  found  in  all 
mills  and  factories.  In  connection  with  this  subject, 
I  would  earnestly  impress  upon  the  mind  of  the 
reader  the  advice,  that  he  never  allow  the  opportu- 
nity of  examining  any  mechanism,  or  other  practical 
application  of  science  to  the  useful  arts,  to  escape 
his  notice,  and  if  it  be  possible,  never  to  relinquish 
the  object  till  he  shall  have  fully  mastered  its  details. 
The  opportunities  for  deriving  profit  from  such  know- 
ledge occur  so  frequently  in  life,  that  no  man  ever 
acquired  it  without  finding  it  a  capital  capable  of 
returning  a  large  per  centage. 

It  would  be  impossible,  within  the  limits  of  a  sin- 
gle volume,  to  give  the  details  of  every  department  of 
science,  and  to  commend  the  best  elementary  works  on 
each  subject.  I  am  the  more  unwilling  to  attempt 
this  since  every  year  now  witnesses  such  great  ad* 
vances   in  this   department  of  human  knowledge 


188  ^RT  OF  COJSrVERSATIOJSr. 

while  book  after  book  is  cast  like  a  fresh  wave  on  the 
beach  of  learning.  I  can  however  assure  the  reader, 
that  if  he  has  for  some  months  thoroughly  followed 
out  the  plan  of  self-education  which  I  have  thus  far 
laid  down,  with  such  assistance  as  most  town-libraries 
can  afford,  and  if  he  continues  at  evfirv  step  to  review 
what  he  has  alreadyjearned,  he  can  hardlj  fail,  after 
mastering  one  or  more  elementary  books  on  natural 
science  (aided  by  such  experiments  as  his  own  natu- 
ral ingenuity  may  suggest,)  to  ascertain  by  inquiry, 
what  works  may  be  obtained  on  the  special  sub- 
divisions of  mechanics  or  mechanism. 

GEOLOGY. 

Among  primary  works  on  Geology  are  the  "  Ele- 
ments," (with  an  Introduction  to  Mineralogy,)  by 
John  L.  Comstock,  "  Elements  of  Geology,"  by 
Gray  and  Adams,  "  Elementary  Geology,"  by  E. 
Hitchcock,  Loomis's  "  Elements  of  Geology,"  Ma- 
ther's ''Elements,"  Prof  J.  D.  Dana's  ''Manual 
of  Geology,"  (New  York,  T.  Bliss  &  Co.,  1863,) 
Trimmer's  "  Practical  Geology,"  St.  John's  "  Ele- 
ments," and  the  "  Outlines  of  Mineralogy,  Geology. 
and  Mineral  Analysis,"  by  T.  Thompson,  and  the 
**  Geology"  by  Sanborn  Tenney — an  excellent  work 


sciEJ\rcE.  189 

for  private  students.  To  these  may  be  added  Sir 
Charles  Lyell's  "  Antiquity  of  man  from  Geological 
Evidences,"  (Philadelphia,  G.  W.  Childs.)  One  or 
the  otha*  of  these  can  hardly  fail  to  be  within  the 
reach  of  the  reader,  and  will  serve  as  an  introduce 
tion  to  the  study  in  its  higher  branches.  And  while 
on  this  subject,  I  would  specially  advise  every  ont 
who  has  hitherto  devoted  no  attention  to  geology,  to 
resolve  that  some  acquaintance  with  its  general  out- 
line shall  by  all  means  enter  into  his  scheme  of  gen- 
eral knowledge.  Geology  is  to  Science,  what  archi- 
tecture may  be  assumed  to  be  in  aesthetics,  or  in 
art ;  a  practical  basis  for  associating  the  facts  of 
other  branches  of  science,  and  a  record  of  the  his- 
tory of  creation,  as  architecture  is  the  history  of 
mankind. 

CHEMISTRY. 

Notwithstanding  the  rapid  advances  constantly 
being  made  in  chemistry,  the  following  works  may 
still  be  commended  as  useful  for  the  beginner  in  that 
science.  Stockhardt's  "  Principles  of  Chemistry,' 
translated  by  C.  H.  Pierce,  (Philadelphia,  E.  II 
Butler,)  Silliman's  "  First  Principles  of  Chemis- 
try," Regnault's  ''Elements  of   Chemistry,"  Fos- 


190  -^RT  OF  COJ\rVERSATIOJ>r, 

ter's  "  First  Principles  of  Chemistry,"  Gardner's 
''  Medical  Chemistry,"  Murphy's  "  Review  of  Che- 
mistry for  Students,"  Porter's  ''  First  Book  of  Che- 
mistry," Lehmann's  ''  Manual  of  Chemical.  Physi- 
ology," translated  by  J.  C.  Morris,  and  the  *'  Class 
Book  of  Chemistry  and  Chemical  Atlas,"  by  E.  L. 
Youmanns.  To  these  may  be  added  for  the  more 
advanced  student,  Lehmann's  "  Physiological  Che- 
mistry," translated  by  George  E.  Day,  Booth's 
"  Encyclopaedia  of  Chemistry,"  the  "  General  No- 
tions of  Chemistry,"  by  Pelouze  and  Frdmy,  and 
Will's  "  Outlines  of  Chemical  Analysis." 

Chemistry  is  the  most  practical  of  sciences,  and 
cannot,  therefore,  be  pursued  beyond  a  certain  point 
without  the  aid  of  experiments.  Fortunately,  there 
is  perhaps  no  city  in  the  United  States  where  access 
to  such  experiments  may  not  be  obtained  by  every 
one  who  is  sincerely  desirous  of  knowledge.  It  is 
one  of  the  most  fascinating  of  studies,  and,  perhaps, 
the  most  useful  of  all,  so  far  as  its  technology,  or 
application  to  the  wants  of  life  is  concerned  —  there 
being  few  trades  in  which  some  skill  in  it  is  not 
directly  profitable.  If,  in  the  comparative  table  of 
positive  knowledge,  geology  may  be  said  to  corres- 
pond to  architecture,  chemistry  may,  from  its  infi- 


SCIEjYCE.  191 

nitely  ductile  and  delicate  nature,  be  compared  to 
painting. 

NATURAL  HISTORY 

The  study  of  Natural  History  can  hardly  ho 
regarded  as  optional  to  any  one  who  aims  at  being 
well  informed,  since  without  some  general  knowledge 
of  animal  nature,  even  geography  can  be  only  im- 
perfectly learned.  Fortunately,  it  is  extremely 
entertaining,  and  presents  the  great  advantage  of 
affording  an  easy  introduction  to  several  other 
branches  of  science.  Among  the  books  to  be  used 
are  the  "  Introduction  to  the  Study  of  Natural  His- 
tory," by  Louis  Agassiz,  Roschenbergef's  "Natural 
History,"  Smellie's  "  Philosophy  of  Natural  His- 
tory,'' and.  the  "American  Natural  History,"  by 
John  D.  Godman.  For  collateral  reading,  much 
useful  information  may  be  drawn  from  the  volumes 
of  the  "  Boston  Journal  of  Natural  History,"  the 
*'  Journal  of  the  Academy  of  Natural  Sciences  of 
Philadelphia,"  and  from  the  "Annals  of  the  Lyce- 
um of  Natural  History  of  New  York."  The  "  Stray 
Leaves  from  the  Book  of  Nature,"  and  John  D, 
Godman' s  "  Rambles  of  a  Naturalist,"  are  inci- 
dentally worth  reading. 


192  -ART  OF  COA''VERSATIOJ\r. 

BOTANY. 

The  utility  of  a  knowledge  of  Botany  is  so  gen- 
eiallj  recognized,  that  it  forms  a  branch  of  study  in 
nearly  all  colleges,  and  schools  of  a  high  class. 
Those  who  live  in  the  country,  and  yet  are  ignorant 
of  it,  may  be  said  to  bo  half-blind,  since  they  see 
nothing  of  the  real  life  or  nature  of  the  vegetable 
world  around  them.  Among  the  many  works  on  the 
subject  in  general  use,  are  Mrs.  Lincoln's  "  Familiar 
Letters  on  Botany,"  Comstock's  "  Introduction  to 
the  Study  of  Botany,"  "The  Plant,"  and  "  The 
Principles  of  Botany  as  illustrated  in  the  Crypto- 
gamia,"  by  H.  Coultas,  (Philadelphia,  1853  and 
1855,)  Gray's  "  Botanical  Text  Book,"  (a  work 
of  special  merit,)  Gray's  "  First  Lessons  in  Bota- 
ny," Gray's  "  Manual  of  the  Botany  of  the  North- 
ern United  States,"  Hovey's  "Fruits  of  America," 
Torrey  and  Gray's  "  Flora  of  North  America,"  — 
*'  the  most  extensive  local  Flora  ever  undertaken," 
—  Wood's  "Class  Book  of  Botany,"  Torrey's 
•*  Compendium,"  Darby's  "Botany  of  the  South- 
ern States,"  and  Downing's  "Fruits  and  Fruit 
Trees  of  America." 


SCIEJ^CE.  193 


PHYSIOLOGY. 


It  has  been  said  bj  more  than  one  advocate  of 
physical  culture,  that  to  know  the  structure  of  our 
own  bodies  is  as  essential  as  any  branch  of  education 
or  learning  whatever.  It  is  very  certain  that  there 
is  positively  no  subject  so  frequently  discussed,  on 
which  so  much  ignorance  is  displayed,  as  this.  The 
success  of  quacks  is  owing,  in  a  great  measure,  to 
the  general  want  of  knowledge  of  the  conditions  on 
which  health  is  based ;  and  it  is  very  certain  that 
if  the  many  invalid  women,  and  badly  digest- 
ing, overworked  men  of  America  knew  themselves 
physically,  better  than  they  do,  we  should  soon  see 
an  improvement  in  the  health  of  the  nation. 

"  The  Physiology  "  of  Dr.  John  Dal  ton  is  un- 
questionably the  best  work  of  the  kind  as  yet  writ- 
ten. For  elementary  study,  the  reader  may  take 
Comstock's  "  Outlines  of  Physiology,"  Coming's 
*'  Class  Book  of  Physiology,"  or  Cutter's  "  First 
Book  of  Anatomy."  Among  other  works  published 
in  this  country,  are  Lambert's  "  Human  Anatomy, 
Physiology,  and  Hygiene,"  and  C.  A.  Lee's  "  Hu- 
man Physiology,"  J.  W.  Draper's  ''  Human  Physi- 
olgy,  and  that  of  Robley  Dunglison  —  a  work  of 
9 


194  -^^T  OF  COJVVERSATIOJS'. 

decided  merit.  Magendie's  "  Human  Physiology/ 
translated  by  J.  Eevere,  Lowget's  "  Treatise  on 
Physiology,"  translated  by  F.  G.  Smith,  S.  G.  Mor- 
ton's "Illustrated  System  of  Human  Anatomy,'' 
Reese's  "Analysis  of  Physiology,"  Sdquard's  "  Ex- 
perimental Researches,"  Carpenter's  "  Principles  of 
Human  Physiolo^,  (Philadelphia,  1853,)  Smith's 
''Anatomical  Atlas,"  Steele's  "Elements  of  Gen- 
eral Pathology,"  Tracy's  "  Mother  and  hor  Off- 
spring," and,  finally,  Yelpeau's  "  Elements  of  Ope- 
rative Surgery,"  translated  by  P.  S.  Townsend.  If 
this,  and  several  other  works  which  I  have  men- 
tioned, should  be  regarded  as  beyond  the  reach  of 
most  readers  without  instruction,  I  can  only  urge 
what  I  believe  to  be  true,  that  those  who  have  care- 
fully read  any  elementary  and  introductory  works  of 
physiology,  may  at  least  gather  much  valuable  infor- 
mation from  all  that  I  have  mentioned,  even  where 
entire  proficiency  is  impossible. 

JURISPRUDENCE. 

I  recommend  every  one  who  is  resolved  to  become 
truly  well-informed,  to  acquire  some  knowledge  of 
the  general  principles  of  English  Law,  upon  which 
our  own  is  founded.    With  this  intention,  the  reader 


8CIEJVCE,  195 

would  do  well  to  peruse  very  carefully  ' '  Blackstone^a 
Commentaries ;  "  to  become  familiar  with  legal 
forms  as  laid  down  in  Grajdon,  and  to  at  least  look 
over,  with  some  attention,  the  work  on  the  practice 
of  law  which  may  be  most  applicable  to  his  own 
state,  the  name  of  which  work  may  be  obtained  from 
any  lawyer  of  his  acquaintance.  Should  he  desire 
to  go  further,  he  may  read  "Kent's  Commentaries 
on  American  Law/'  "  Story  on  the  Law  of  Con- 
tracts," or  Parsons  on  the  same  subject,  and  Smith's 
*'  Elements  of  the  Laws."  All  of  the  works  of 
Ge*o.  T.  Curtis,  whether  on  copyright,  conveyancing, 
the  Constitution  of  the  United  States,  or  Patent 
Laws,  or  on  American  jurisprudence,  are  of  a  kind 
as  well  adapted  to  the  use  of  the  general  reader,  as 
to  that  of  the  professional  student,  —  a  merit  due  to 
their  clearness  of  conception  and  admirable  expres- 
sion. I  would  say,  in  this  connection,  that  a  more 
general  knowledge  of  industrial  jurisprudence,  or  of 
laws  relating  to  patents  and  copyrights,  might  very 
well  be  disseminated  in  this  country,  among  the 
many  people  who  are  practically  interested  in  such 
matters. 

The  works  on  Medical  Jurisprudence  by  Beck,  by 
Wharton  and  Stills,  and  by  Dean,  as  well  as  Whar- 


196  '  ^I^T  OF  COJVVERSATIOJ^, 

ton's  "  Treatise  on  the  Criminal  Law  of  the  [Iritctl 
States/'  with  Butler  and  Heard's  "Leading  Cases," 
should  be  read  by  every  man  who  may  expect  to 
serve  at  any  time  on  a  jury.  Having  tested  the 
valuo  of  *snch  knowledge,  I  would  beg  the  reader  to 
pay  attention  to  this  remark.  We  continually  read 
in  the  newspapers  of  sentences  or  acquittals,  espe- 
cially in  lower  courts,  and  before  ignorant  magis- 
trates or  juries,  which  could  never  have  been  award- 
ed had  tiiose  concerned  possessed  simply  that  amount 
of  merely  common-sensible  information  which  any 
person  of  ordinary  intelligence  is  capable  of  extract- 
ing from  a  perusal  of  the  books  above  mentioned. 


APPENDIX 


trULGARISMS   IJ\    C0JVVERSAT10J)r.     |.99 


CHAPTER  XXVra. 


or  TULGAXUMg  IS  OONTEBSATIOK. 

ARE  should  be  taken  to  avoid  m 
writing,  as  m  conversation,  all  Ameri- 
can, as  well  as  English,  vulgarisms. 
These  may  be  ascertained  by  refer- 
ence either  to  Webster's  or  Worces- 
ter's Dictionaries,  to  Bartlett's  ''  Dic- 
tionary of  Americanisms,"  to  ''  Live 
and  Learn,"  &c.,  a  work  "  contain- 
ing examples  o^  one  thousand  mistakes  of  fre- 
quent occurrence  in  speaking,  writing,  and  pronun- 
ciation," (New  York,  Garrett  &  Co.,  1856,)  or  to 
the  article  on  "Americanisms"  in  "Appleton'a 
Cyclopaedia." 


200  -^-R^  OF  COJ^VERSATIOJ>r. 

Among  the  words  or  expressiona  to  be  strictly 
avoided,  are  the  following,  for  which  I  am  princi- 
pally indebted  to  the  works  above  mentioned : 

Advantage^  {to)  used  as  a  verb,  instead  of  profit. 
About  rights  instead  of  well,  or  correct. 
Action^  instead  of  proceeding,  or  decision. 
Antiquarian,  instead  of  antiquary. 
According  to  Gunter,  instead  of  accurately  dene. 
Accountability  J  instead  of  accountableness. 
Above  my  bent,  instead  of  out  of  my  power. 
Acknowledge  the   corn,   {to)   instead  of  to  admit 

the  charge. 
Across  lots,  instead  of  in  the  quickest  manner. 
Aggravate,  (^to)  instead  of  to  irritate,  or  to  insult. 
All-fired,  instead  of  enormous. 
All  sorts  of,  instead  of  excellent,  or  expert. 
All  to  pieces  —  smash,  Entirely  destroyed. 
Allot  upon,  {to)  instead  of  to  intend. 
Allow,  {to)  instead  of  to  declare,  or  assert. 
Along.     To  get  along,  instead  of  to  get  on. 
Among  the  m^issing,  {to  be)  instead  of  absent 
Among^  instead  of  between. 
Aint,  instead  of  is  not. 
Anything  else.     A  vulgar  affirmative. 


VULGARISMS    IJV  COJSTVERSATIOX,      201 

JLny  how  you  can  fix  it. 

Approbate.     A  word  obsolete  in  England. 

Ary^  instead  of  ever  a. 

As  gaod^  instead  of  as  well. 

As  wellj  instead  of  also.    I  was  angry  as  well  as  he. 

At,  instead  of  by,  or  in.  We  should  say,  sales  by 
auction,  not  at  auction ;  and  in  the  North,  not  at 
the  North. 

At  that.  And  poor  at  that,  instead  of  also,  or 
as  well. 

Avails,  instead  of  profits,  or  proceeds  ;  as,  the  avails 
of  their  own  industry. 

Awful,  instead  of  ugly,  difficult,  or  very. 

Axe,  instead  of  ask.  An  old  English  word;  now 
become  obsolete.  "And  Pilate  axide  him,  'Art 
thou  King  of  Jewis?'  And  Jhesus  answeride 
and  seide  to  him,  '  Thou  seist.'  "  —  Wicliflf's  Bi- 
ble, cited  by  Bartlett. 

Back  and  forth,  instead  of  backward  and  forwards. 
Back,  instead  of  ago.     A  little  while  back. 
Back  down  {to)  instead  of  to  recant. 
Back  out,  instead  of  to  retreat,  or  to  fail  to  fulfil  a 

promise ;    equivalent    expressions    are    to   back 

water,  to  take  the  back  track. 


202  -^RT  OF  coj\rvERSATioj)r. 

Backing  and  filling.     Advancing  and  retreating. 

Backward^  instead  of  bashful,  or  modest. 

Baggage,  "  The  English,"  sajs  Bartlett,  "  ap- 
pear to  have  discarded  the  word  altogether,  for  the 
less  appropriate  term  luggage.''^  I  confess  I  do 
not  see  why  it  is  less  appropriate  to  the  heavy 
trunks  of  which  modern  luggage  chiefly  consists. 

Beast,  instead  of  horse.     Obsolete. 

Beat  —  the  beat  ofi  instead  of  superior. 

Beat  out  J  instead  of  tired,  or  fatigued. 

Beautiful^  instead  of  excellent  j  as  beautiful  butter. 

Beef^  {a)  instead  of  an  ox. 

Belongings^  instead  of  attributes,  garments,  associa- 
tions, or  property. 

Bestowment  and  Bestowal.  Obsolete  theological 
words. 

Betterment^  instead  of  improvement. 

Bettermost^  instead  of  the  best. 

Biddable^  instead  of  manageable. 

Big  figure^  {on  the)  instead  of  on  a  large  scale. 

Biggestj  instead  of  greatest,  or  finest ;  as,  she's  the 
biggest  kind  of  a  singer. 

BloWj  {to)  instead  of  to  boast. 

Blow  out  at,  instead  of  to  abuse. 

Bluff  off ,  {to).     To  deter,  to  put  down,  or  repel. 


VULGARISMS   lA"  COJ^VERSATIOJV.     203 

8o?iej  (^to)  instead  of  to  steal.  , 

Doiind^  instead  of  determined    or  resolved.      I'm 

bound  to  go. 
Brown  {to  do  up).     To  do  anything  to  perfection. 
Bubf  bubhy.     Applied  to  small  boys.     From  the 

German  Biibe. 
Build,  instead  of  to  establish. 
Bidger,  instead  of  something  extremely  large. 
Bully,  instead  of  fine,  or  capital. 
Burned  uj),  instead  of  burned  down. 
By  the  name  of.    A  man  by  the  name  of  Smith. 

"An  Englishman  would  say    'of  the  name  of 

Smith,'  except  in  such  phrases  as  :  'He  went  by 

the  name  of  Smith.'  "  —  Bartlett. 
Bad,  instead  of  ill ;  as,  I  feel  bad.     Done  bad. 
Balance,  instead  of  remainder. 
Back  02it,  {to)  instead  of  to  retreat. 
Bogus,  instead  of  counterfeit. 
Baiiter,  {to)  instead  of  challenge. 
Belittle,  {to)  instead  of  to  make  smaller. 

Cannot,  instead  of  can  not. 
Captivate,  {to)  instead  of  to  take  captive. 
Conclude,  instead  of  determine. 
Connection,     In  this  connection,  instead  of  in  cott 
nection  with  this  subject. 


204  -^^T   OF  COJ\rVERSATIOJV 

County.     Instead  of  Westchester  County  we  shculd 

say  the  County  of  Westchester. 
Clea7'  out,  {to)  instead  of  depart,  or  leave. 
Clever  does  not  mean  good  natured  or  well  disposed, 

but  dexterous,  skilful,  quick-witted,  or  intelligent. 
Clip^  instead  of  a  sudden  blow. 
Cloud  upj  {to)  instead  of  to  grow  cloudy. 
Common.     As  well  as  common,  instead  of  as  well 

as  usual. 
Conduct,  {to)  instead  of  to  conduct  oneself  *'  This 

vulgar  expression  has,   with  many  others,  been 

sanctioned  by  Webster."  —  Bartlett's    Die- 

tionary  of  Americanisms. 
Considerable,  instead  of  much,  or  considerably. 
Contemplate,  {to)  instead  of  to  consider,  to  have  in 

view,  or  to  intend. 
Corner,  {to)  instead  of  to  get  the  advantage  of  any 

one. 
Count,  {to)  instead  of  to  reckon,  suppose,  or  think. 
Crowd,  instead  of  company. 

Cry,  {to)  instead  of  to  publish  the  banns  of  mar- 
riage. 
Cupalo,  instead  of  cupola. 
Converse  together,  {to)  instead  of  to  converse. 
Cut  round,  {to)  instead  of  to  run  about,  or  make  a 

display. 


VULGARISMS  JJV  COJSTVERSATIO^N;     20ri 

Come^  {to)  instead  of  to  go. 

Cut  under  J  {to)  instead  of  to  undersell. 

Corporeal  means  having  a  body  ;  corporal,  belcnging 
or  relating  to  the  bodj.  We  should  say,  corporal 
punishment,  and,  God  is  an  incorporeal  being. 

Peclension,  or  declination,  instead  of  a  refusal  to 
accept. 

Deed,  {^to)  instead  of  to  transfer  by  deed. 

Deputize,  (to)  instead  of  to  depute,  to  empower  to 
act  for  another. 

Dessert.  This  word  is  applicable  to  the  fruits  and 
other  delicacies  brought  on  the  table  after  the  pud- 
dings and  pies,  but  not  to  the  puddings  and  pies 
themselves. 

Dicker,  {to)  instead  of  to  barter. 

Difficulted,  instead  of  perplexed. 

Directly,  instead  of  when,  or  as  soon  as. 

Dirt.  This  word  is  used  in  a  too  extended  sense 
instead  of  earth,  clay,  or  dust. 

Dissipate  {to).     To  live  idly  or  irregularly. 

Do  tell !  instead  of  really  !  or  indeed  ! 

Donation,  instead  of  present. 

Done,  instead  of  did. 

Don't,  instead  of  does  not.  DorCt  is  a  contraction 
for  do  not. 


206  -ART  OF  COJ^VERSATIOJSr, 

Dove,  instead  of  dived. 

Doion  upon.     Used  to  express  enmitj  or  dislike. 

DoxDn  cellar  J  instead  of  down  in  the  cellar. 

Dragged  out^  instead  of  fatigued,  or  exhausted. 

Dreadful^  instead  of  verj.  "  This,  and  the  worda 
awful,  terrible,  desperate,  monstrous,  are  used  by 
uneducated  people  for  the  purpose  of  giving  em- 
phasis to  an  expression." —  Bartlett. 

Drinking.     Never  say  '^  he's  a  drinking  man." 

Driving  at.  What  are  you  driving  at  ?  instead  of 
what  object  have  you  in  view  ? 

Dumpj  instead  of  unload. 

Egg  J  instead  of  to  pelt  with  eggs. 

Elect  J  instead  of  to  prefer,  to  choose,  to  determine 
in  favor  of ;  as,  they  elected  to  submit ;  travellers 
will  elect  to  go  by  the  Northern  route. 

Elegantj  for  excellent,  as  applied,  for  instance,  to 
articles  of  food  ;  as,  elegant  pies. 

Emptyings^  for  lees,  or  leaven. 

Endorse^  {to)  instead  of  to  approve,  or  confirm. 

Eventuate,  {to)  instead  of  to  happen,  or  to  result  in. 

Erperience.  Vulgarly  used  without  an  adjective; 
to  describe  religious  trials  and  their  result. 

Experience  religion,  {to,)  instead  of  to  be  con- 
verted. 


VULGARISMS  IJV  COJ^VERSATIOJ\r.      207 

Expect,  {to)  is  only  applicable  to  the  anticipation 
of  future  events.  It  is  vulgarly  used  for  think, 
believe,  or  know. 

Fair^  instead  of  real,  or  genuine. 

Fall  J  {to)  instead  of  to  fell  a  tree. 

Fancy.  This  word  is  too  generally  used  as  an  ad- 
jective to  signify  ornamental,  fantastic,  stylish, 
extraordinary,  or  choice;  as,  fancy  prices,  fancy 
houses,  fancy  women. 

Fellowship  {to).     Vulgarly  used  as  a  verb. 

Female.  Incorrectly  used  to  denote  a  person  of  the 
female  sex.  To  speak  of  a  woman  simply  as  a 
female,  is  ridiculous. 

Fetch  up,  {to)  instead  of  to  halt  suddenly. 

Fire  away,  instead  of  to  begin. 

First  instead  of  one,  or  single.  -An  absurd  use  of 
the  word,  as  when  one  says,  ''  I  will  not  pay  the 
first  cent." 

First  rate,  instead  of  superior. 

Fix,  {to)  means  to  fasten,  or  make  firm.  One  may 
fix  a  residence  at  New  York  ;  some  men  have  no 
fixed  opinions ;  you  may  fix  a  line  to  a  hook ;  a 
preacher  may  fix  the  attention  of  his  audience ; 
and  in  chemistry,  gold  is  a  fixed  body. 

Fixed  fact,  instead  of  a  positive  or  well  established 


^ 


208  -f^RT^  OF  COJ^VERSATIOJV. 

fact.  The  invention  of  the  phrase,  according  to 
Bartlett,  is  attributed  to  Caleb  Gushing. 

Fizzle,  (io)  instead  of  to  fail,  or  to  perform  imper- 
fectly. 

Forever^  instead  of  for  ever. 

Flat  broke,  instead  of  entirely  out  of  money. 

Floor,  {to  have  the)  is  the  American  term  for  to 
have  possession  of  the  house. 

Flunk,  instead  of  to  fail,  to  retreat ;  as,  to  flunk  out. 

Flier,  instead  of  a  venture. 

Fl^.  To  fly  around,  instead  of  to  stir  about,  or  be 
active. 

Folks,  instead  of  people,  or  persons. 

For,  before  the  infinite  particle  to,  has  become  very 
vulgar  ;   as,  I'd  have  you  for  to  know. 

Fore  handed,  instead  of  to  be  in  good  circumstances. 

Foreigner.  "Virginians  call  all  other  Americana 
foreigners?"^  —  Eartlett. 

Fork  oner  —  or  up,  instead  of  to  pay. 

Found,  instead  of  fined. 

Freshet,  instead  of  flood,  was  once  used  in  England, 
but  is  now  confined  as  a  word  to  the  United  States. 

Funeralize,  instead  of  to  perform  the  clerical  duties 
preparatory  to  a  funeral 


VULGARISMS   IJV  COJSTVERSATIOJST.     209 

Funk,  instead  of  an  offensive  smoke,  smell,  or  dust. 
Funkf  {to)  instead  of  to  retreat,  to  resign,  or  to 
alarm. 

Gale,  instead  of  a  state  of  excitement. 

Garrison,  instead  of  fort. 

Gather,  instead  of  to  take  up.  One  may  gather 
apples,  but  not  a  stick. 

Get,  instead  of  to  have ;  as,  I  have  got  no  money. 
Inelegantly  used  to  prevail  on,  or  induce,  or  per- 
suade. To  get  religion,  instead  of  to  become  pious, 
is  vulgar.  So  are,  to  get  one's  back  up,  get  ou*. ! 
and  to  get  round,  instead  of  to  get  the  better  of. 

Given  name,  instead  of  Christian  name. 

Go  by,  {to)  instead  of  to  call  or  stop  at.  A  Iott 
Southern  expression. 

Go  for,  or  go  in  for,  {to)  instead  of  to  be  in  favor  of. 

Go  it.  As,  to  go  it  blind,  to  go  it  with  a  looseness, 
to  go  it  strong,  to  go  one's  death,  to  go  the  big 
figure,  or  the  whole  figure. 

Go  off,  ^to)  instead  of  to  expire. 

Go  through  the  mill,  {to)  instead  of  to  acquire  ex- 
perience. 

Go  under,  {to)  instead  of  to  perish. 

Going,  instead  of  travelling ;  as  the  going  is  bad . 
it  is  bad  going. 


210  -^RT  OF  COJSrVERSATIOX, 

Gone,  as  in  gone  coon,  gone  goose. 

Goiier,  instead  of  one  who  is  lost. 

Gone  with,  instead  of  become  of.     As,  what  is  gone 

with  him  ? 
Good.     An  incorrect  use  of  this  word  may  be  heard 

in,  he  reads  good ;  it  does  not  run  good.     Very 

vulgar  indeed  is  the  phrase,  "  it  is  no  good.'' 
Gouge,  instead  of  to  cheat. 
Governmental,  instead  of  relating  to  government. 
Grain,  (a)  instead  of  a  little. 
Grand,  instead  of  very  good,  or  excellent ;  as,  it  ia 

a  grand  day. 
Grant,  {to)  instead  of  to  vouchsafe;  as,  grant  to 

hear  us. 
Grass  widow.     Vulgar  in  any  sense.     In  England 

it  means  an  unmarried   woman   who  has   had  a 

child.      American   editors,    and   even   American 

ladies    sometimes   use   this  word  unconscious  of 

its  real  meaning. 
Great,  instead  of  distinguished^  or  excellent.  Thus, 

he  is  a  great  Christian ;  she  is  great  at  the  piano. 
Great  big,  instead  of  very  large. 
Green,  instead  of  uncouth,  raw,  or  inexperienced. 

It  is,  for  example,  vulgar  to  say,  a  green  Fresh. 

man. 


VULGARISMS    IJV  COJVVERSATIOJ^.       211 

Grist^  instead  of  a  large  number. 

Guess  J  {to)  means  to  conjecturej  and  not  to  believe, 
know,  suppose,  think,  or  imagine.  It  was  once 
used  by  English  writers  in  this  positive  sense,  but 
is  now  vulgar  and  obselete. 

tlack^  instead  of  hackney  coach.  A  hack  is  a  liv- 
ery stable  horse. 

Had  have.  A  very  low  expression.  Had  we  have 
known  this. 

Had  not  ought  to,  instead  of  ought  not  to. 

Haintj  instead  of  have  not. 

Hand,  instead  of  adept,  or  proficient ;  as,  you  are  a 
great  hand  at  running. 

Hand  running,   instead  of  consecutively. 

Handsomely,  instead  of  carefully,  steadily,  or  cor- 
rectly. 

Hang.  To  get  the  hang  of  a  thing,  instead  of  be- 
coming familiar  with  it.  "  He  hadn't  got  the  hang 
of  the  game." 

Hang  fire,  instead  of  to  delay,  or  to  be  impeded. 

Hang  around,  instead  of  loiter  about. 

Hang  out,  instead  of  dwell. 

Happen  in,  {to)  instead  of  to  happen  tc  Cfll  in. 

Hard  case.  Used  to  indicate  a  worthless  fellow,  or 
one  who  is  hard  to  deal  with. 


212  -^RT  OF  COJVVERSATIOJV, 

Hard  pushed^  hard  nm,  hard  upj  instead  of  hard 

pressed. 
Haze,  instead  of  to  riot,  to  frolic,  to  urge  or  drive 

severely,  to  torment,  or  to  annoy. 
Head  off^  instead  of  to  intercept. 
Heap  J  instead  of  many  or  much. 
Hefty  instead  of  weight,  or  to  weigh. 
Help,  instead  of  servants. 
Hide,  instead  of  to  beat. 
High  falutin,  instead  of  high  flown. 
Hire,      "  Often  improperly  applied   to  renting  a 

house.     In  good  English,  a  house  is  rented,  while 

a  vehicle  is  hired."  —  Bartlett. 
Hitch,  instead  of  entanglement  or  impediment. 
Hold  on,  instead  of  to  wait,  or  stop. 
Hook,  {to)  instead  of  to  steal. 
Hook,  {on  his  own)  instead  of  on  his  own  account. 
Hooter.     A  corruption  of  iota ;  as,  I  don't  care  a 

hooter  for  him.  . 
Hopping  mad,  instead  of  very  angry. 
Horn  (in  a).     Expressing  dissent. 
Horrors,  instead  of  to  be  in  low  spirits.     It  is  also 

used  to  indicate  the  peculiar  state  of  mind  whick 

succeeds  an  attack  of  delirium  tremens. 
Horse,  instead  of  man.     Old  boss. 


VULGARISMS  IJ\r  C OUTERS ATlOJf,     218 

Hove,  instead  of  heaved. 

How?  instead  of  what  ?  or  what  did  you  say  ? 

•*  Do  put  your  accents  in  tlie  proper  spot ; 
Don't — let  me  beg  you  —  don't  say  How  ?  for  what  ?  ** 

—  0.  W.  Holmes. 

How  come  ?   instead  of  how  came  it  ?   how  did  it 

happen? 
Human,  instead  of  human  heing.     Very  low. 
Hung.    "  In  England,  beef  is  hung,  gates  are  hung, 

and  curtaina  are  hung,  but  felons  are  hanged^  - 

Rev.  a.  C.  Geikib. 
Hunk,  instead  of  a  large  piece. 
Hush  up,  dry  up,  and  shut  up,  instead  of  to  be 

silent. 
Homely,  instead  of  plain-featured  or  ugly. 

lUy.  A  silly  amplification  of  ill ;  as,  I  have  been 
illy  entreated. 

In,  instead  of  into ;  as,  to  get  in  the  stage,  to  come 
in  town. 

Independent  fortune.  A  man  may  be  rendered  in- 
dependent by  a  fortune,  but  the  fortune  can  hardly 
become  independent  of  a  possessor. 

Institution.  A  word  vaguely  applied  to  any  preva* 
lent  practice  or  thing. 

Item,  instead  of  information. 


214  'ART  OF  coj\rvERSATioj\r. 

Johj  instead  of  thrust. 

Jag,     Used  to  express  a  parcel,  or  load ;    also  a 

habit  adopted  for  a  time,  as  he  is  on  a  moral  jag  ; 

also  for  intoxication. 
Japonicadom,  instead  of  the    fashionable  class  of 

societj. 
JeWj  {to)  instead  of  to  cheat. 
Jessie,  {to  give)  instead  of  to  treat  severely. 
Jump  J  (Jrom  the)  instead  of  from  the  beginning. 

Keel  over,  instead  of  to  be  prostrated,  or  die. 

Keep^  instead  of  food,  subsistence,  keeping. 

Keep  a  stiff  upper  lip,  instead  of  to  keep  up  one's 
courage,  to  continue  firm. 

Keep  company,  {to)  instead  of  to  court,  or  make 
love. 

Keeping-room,  instead  of  the  sitting-room  or  parlor. 

Kesouse,  keswap,  keswack,  to  express  dipping,  or 
falling  into  water. 

Kerslap.     Used  to  indicate  a  flat  fall. 

Kick  up  a  row,  or  dust^  instead  of  to  create  a  dis- 
turbance. 

Kill,  {to)  instead  of  to  defeat,  in  politics. 

Kind  of,  instead  of  in  a  manner,  or  as  it  were. 

Kink,  instead  of  an  accidental  knot  or  twist.  Also 
used  incorrectly  for  a  fanciful  notion. 


VULGARISMS   IJV  COJSTVERSATWJV',     21b 

Knock,  instead  of  £|,stonish  or  overwhelm ;  as  that 

knocks  me. 
Knock  about,  or  round,  (to,)  instead  of  to  go  about. 

LaiTup,  instead  of  beat. 

Lather,  instead  of  beat. 

Law,  {to)  instead  of  to  go  to  law. 

Lai/,  instead  of  to  lie ;  as,  he  laid  down,  instead  cf 
he  lay  down  to  sleep;  or,  " the  land  lays  well" 

Lai/.  Terms  of  a  bargain,  price.  Also,  the  occu- 
pation or  employment  of  any  one. 

Lengthy,  lengthily,  instead  of  having  length,  long  ; 
as,  a  lengthy  oration. 

Let  be,  {to)  instead  of  to  let  alone  ;   as,  let  me  be  * 

Let  on,  instead  of  to  mention,  to  disclose. 

Let  out,  instead  of  to  begin  narrating. 

Let  slide,  rip,  went,  travel,  circulate,  agitate^ 
drive,  fly,  instead  of  to  let  go. 

Let  up,  instead  of  a  release  or  relief. 

Levee,  ''  in  the  United  States  is  often  applied  to  cer- 
emonious receptions  given  by  official  personages, 
whether  in  the  morning  or  evening.  In  England 
the  word  is  restricted  to  morning  receptions."  — 
Appleton's  Cyclopcedia.  As  the  word  is  of 
French  origin,  from  levir,  to  rise,  and  was  at  first 


216  ART  OF  COJSrVERSATIOJSr, 

applied  to  the  concourse  of  people  who  attended 
the  rising  of  a  prince  from  bed,  it  will  be  seen 
that  the  American  application  of  the  word  to  an 
evenmg  reception  is  very  absurd. . 

Licks  J  instead  of  efforts,  strokes,  or  exertion. 

LAckety  split ^  instead  of  headlong,  very  fast. 

Liefer,  liever,  liefs^  lieves^  instead  of  more  willingly, 
or  rather. 

Liftj.  instead  of  aid,  help,  or  assistance.  Also,  im- 
properly used  for  a  ride. 

Like,  instead  of  as,  or  as  if,  or  as  though.  A  very 
vulgar  and  very  common  expression.  Like  I  al- 
ways do.     He  drank  like  he  was  used  to  it. 

Likely,  instead  of  intelligent,  promising,  or  able. 
Also  used  to  signify  beauty. 

Limb.     A  silly  and  affected  expression  for  leg. 

Liquor,  liquor  up,  instead  of  to  take  a  dram. 

Little  end  o-  the  horn.  Applied,  like  the  Italian 
word  fiasco,  (or  bottle)  to  a  failure. 

Loafer.  Originally  applied  to  a  pilferer,  and  sub- 
sequently to  a  vagabond. 

Loan,  {to)  instead  of  to  lend. 

Locate^  {to')  instead  of  to  settle  in. 

Looseness^  instead  of  freedom.    A  perfect  looseness. 

Love,  {to)  instead  of  to  like.     ^'  I  love  apple  pie,*' 


VULGARISMS  ^JV  COJVVERSATIOJV,      217 

83,1(1  a  lad  J.     "  You  could  say  no  more  for  jour 
child  or  husband,"  replied  an  old  bachelor  who 
was  present. 
hummocks^  instead  of  a  hcavj,  stupid  fellow. 

Alad^  instead  of  very  angry.  "  A  low  word."  — 
Pickering. 

Mail^  instead  of  post.  Mail  is  properly  the  bag  in 
which  the  letters  are  carried. 

Make  a  raise,  {to)  instead  of  to  obtain. 

Make  tracks,  instead  of  to  go  or  to  run. 

Marm,  or  Ma'am,  instead  of  Mamma,  or  mother. 
My  Ma'am  says  so. 

Mate,  or  match.  Used  in  speaking  of  shoes  or 
gloves,  for  fellow. 

Mean,  instead  of  means. 

Mean^  instead  of  poor,  base,  or  worthless. 

Meeting,  meeting-house,  instead  of  a  place  of  wor- 
ship, or  church. 

Middling,  instead  of  tolerably. 

Middling  intei^est,  instead  of  the  middle  class. 

Midst.  In  our  midst,  instead  of  among  us.  There 
is,  properly,  no  such  noun  as  midst.  The  expres- 
sion is  used  by  eminent  authors,  but  i3  become 
vulgar. 


218  -^RT  OF  COJSrVERSATIOJT. 

Mighty^  instead  of  verj ;  as,  mighty  nice. 

Mind^  {to)  instead  of  to  recollect,  remember.  Abo, 
instead  of  to  watch,  or  take  care  of 

Missing.     Among  the  missing,  instead  of  absent. 

Mistake.     And  no  mistake,  instead  of  sure. 

Mixed  up^  instead  of  confused,  promiscuous. 

Monstrous^  instead  of  very,  or  exceedingly. 

More,  most  J  instead  of  the  regular  comparative  and 
superlative  terminations.  "  A  more  full  vocabu- 
lary."—  See  the  preface  to  Worcester's  Dio 
tionary^  1856.     More  fond  of   cards. 

Most^  instead  of  almost. 

MovCj  instead  of  to  remove,  or  to  change  one'a  re^ir 
dence. 

Much.  Used  in  praise  or  dispraise.  I  d  is  not 
much  of  a  man. 

Ailing,  instead  of  false  or  feigned.  From  "  r  .ongrel,^ 

Muss,  instead  of  a  quarrel. 

Muss,  {to)  instead  of  to  disarrange,  to  disorder. 

Nary,  instead  of  ne'er  a.  "  Did  you  see  Ary  Schef- 
fcr  in  Paris  ?  "    "  Nary  SchefFer,"  was  the  reply 

Narrate.  Used  by  good  authority,  but  of  doubtful 
excellence.     Noi^ate  is  certainly  vulgar. 

Nigh  unto,  u^  m,  instead  of  nearly'^  o^lmost. 


VULGARISMS    IJV  COJ^VERSATIOJST.      219 

Necessitate,  instead  of  to  be  obliged,  or  compelled. 

Nimshi,  instead  of  a  foolish  fellow. 

Nip  and  tuck,  instead  of  equal. 

No  not.  Some  people  absurdly  use  double  nega- 
tives; as,  I  wont  no-how;  it  aint,  neither;  I 
aint  got  none. 

No-account,  instead  of  worthless.  A  no-account 
fellow. 

No'hoWj  instead  of  by  no  means. 

Nothing  else.  A  vulgar  affirmation.  It  aint  noth- 
ing else. 

Notions,  instead  of  small  wares,  or  trifles. 

Notional,  instead  of  whimsical. 

Nub,  instead  of  point,  or  significance. 

Obliged  to  be,  instead  of  must  be. 

Obligated,  instead  of  to  compel. 

Odd  stick,  or  odd  fish,  instead  of  eccentric  person 

Of.     Many  people  in  using  the  verbs  tc  smell,  feel, 

to  taste,  supply  the  preposition  of;  as,  to  smell 

of  it. 
Off  the  handle.     To  fly  off"  the  handle,  instead  of 

to  fly  into  a   passion.      To  go  off  the  handle^ 

instead  of  to  die. 
Offish^  instead  of  distant. 


220  -^^"^  OF  CO  A"  VERS  A  no  f 

Off-set,  {to)  instead  of  set-oft. 

Ob/ioxloiis,  instead  of  offensive 

Older-eitj  instoad  of  elder,  eldest. 

Old  mail,  old  gentleifnan,  instead  of  father.  , 

On.     He  lives  on  a  street,  instead  of  in  a  street 
passage  on  a  steamboat. 

On  it,  instead  of  implicated,  interested  in  it,  or  be- 
lieving in  it. 

9^^  handj  instead  of  at  hand,  present. 

Ojice  and  again^  instead  of  occasionally. 

On  the  coast  J  instead  of  near,  close  at  hand. 

Oncet,  (pronounced  wunst^  and  twicet,  or  twisty 
for  once  and  twice.     A  Saxon  form. 

Onto,  instead  of  on,  or  to. 

On  yesterday,  instead  of  yesterday. 

Ought.     Wrongly  used  in  hadn't  ought,  had  ought 
to,  don't  ought. 

Oiirn,  instead  of  ours. 

Over,  instead  of  under,  (or  sometimes  above)  ,  aa, 
he  writes  over  the  signature  of  Caius. 

Over-run,  instead  of  to  run  over. 

Overture,  instead  of  to  propose. 

Owdacious,  instead  of  audacious. 

Partly,  instead  of  nearly,  or  almost.     His  house  is 
partly  opposite  to  mine. 


VULGARISMS  IJV  CO.YVERSATIOJST,     221 

Patentable^  instead  of  that  may  be  patented. 

Peaked  instead  of  thin,  or  emaciated. 

Peg  out^  instead  of  die. 

Pending^  instead  of  during.  A  common  affectation 
Pending  the  conversation.     Pending  the  session. 

Pesky ^  peskily^  instead  of  annoying. 

Pile^  instead  of  money  amassed,  or  fortune. 

Place,  instead  of  to  identify  with  one's  birth-place 
or  home.     I  can't  place  him. 

Plaguy,  plaguy  sight,  instead  of  very,  extremely, 
or  very  much. 

Plank,  instead  of  to  lay,  or  put  down. 

Play  actor,  instead  of  actor. 

Played  out,  instead  of  exhausted. 

Plead,  instead  of  pleaded. 

Plum,  instead  of  direct,  or  straight.  He  looked  me 
plum  in  the  face. 

Poke  fun,  (to)  instead  of  to  joke,  to  ridicule. 

Pokerish,  instead  of  frightful,  or  fearful. 

Poky,  instead  of  stupid. 

Pond.  ''  Used  in  America  to  signify  a  body  of  wa- 
ter smaller  than  a  lake,  with  either  natural  or 
artificial  banks.  In  England  the  word  pond  im- 
plies that  the  water  is  confined  by  an  artificial 
bank."  —  Appleton's  Cyclopcedia. 


£22  -^RT  OF  COJVVERSATIOJS, 

Pony  up^  instead  of  to  pay  over. 

Posted  itp^  instead  of  fully  informed. 

Powerful,  instead  of  very,  or  exceedingly 

Prayerful  and  prayerfully^  instead  of  devoat  CI 
devoutly ;  using  prayer,  or  disposed  to  pray. 

Pray  erf  Illness  y  Prayerlessness.  The  use  or  neg- 
lect of  prayer, 

Predicated  upon,  instead  of  founded  upon  basis  or 
data.     A  word  of  very  doubtful  purity. 

Pretty  considerable,  iniddling,  instead  of  tolerable. 

Preventative,  instead  of  preventive. 

Primp  up.     Dressed  up  stylishly. 

Profanity.  English  writers  generally  use  the  word 
profaneness. 

Professor,  instead  of  one  who  is  professedly  reli- 
gious. As  a  title,  the  word  is  incorrectly  ap- 
plied except  to  a  teacher  in  an  university  or  col- 
lege. 

Proper,  instead  of  very ;  as,  proper  frightened. 

Proud,  instead  of  glad.     He  is  proud  to  know. 

Proud,  instead  of  honor.     Sir,  you  do  me  proud. 

Pucker  {in  a).     Fright,  agitation. 

Pull  foot  pull  it,  instead  of  to  walk  fast,  or  run. 

Ptit.     Stay  put,  instead  of  to  remain  in  order. 

Put,  put  out,  put  off.     To  decamp. 


VULGARISMS  Ijy  COJVVERSATIO.Y,     223 

Pvi  the  licks  in.     To  exert  oneself. 

Put  through,  instead  of  to  accomplish,  or  conclude. 

Quite,  instead  of  very ;  as>  it  is  quite  cold. 

Rail,  {to)  instead  of  to  travel  by  rail. 

Raise  a  racket,  raise  Cain,  {to^  instead  of  to  make 
a  noise. 

Rake  down.     To  reduce,  to  mortify. 

Reckon,  instead  of  to  think  or  imagine. 

Reliable,  instead  of  trustworthy. 

Rehash,  instead  of  repetition. 

Remind,  instead  of  remember. 

Renewedly,  instead  of  anew,  again,  once  more. 

Rendition,  instead  of  rendering. 

Reropen.  To  open  again.  A  word  of  doubtful  cor- 
rectness. 

Result,  {to)  instead  of  to  decree,  or  to  decide. 

Resurrect,  instead  of  to  reanimate. 

Retiracy,  instead  of  retirement,  or  a  competency. 

Rich,  instead  of  entertaininor  or  amusinf]^. 

Ride,  instead  of  to  carry  or  transport.  In  England 
the  word  is  restricted  by  writers  of  the  present 
day,  to  going  on  horseback. 

Rights  {to),  right  aioay,  right  off,  instead  of  di- 
rectly,  or  at  once. 


224  -^RT  OF  COJSrVERSATIO.W, 

Right  smarts  instead  of  large,  or  great. 

Rile,     To  make  angry.     Provincial  in  England. 

Rise  J  rising^  instead  of  more.  A  thousand  and  the 
rise.     Rising  a  thousand  dollars. 

Rocks,  instead  of  money,  or  stones. 

Roo7?i,  instead  of  to  occupy  a  room,  or  to  lodge. 

Rope  in,  instead  of  to  decoy,  or  to  inveigle. 

Rounds.  Going  the  rounds  of  the  papers  is  called 
an  Americanism  in  England. 

Rowdy,  instead  of  a  riotous,  turbulent  fellow. 

Row  up,  instead  of  to  punish  with  words,  or  to 
rebuke. 

Ruu,  run  upon,  instead  of  to  quiz. 

Run  one's  face,  instead  of  to  get  credit  by  a  good 
personal  appearance. 

Run  to  the  ground,  instead  of  to  carry  to  excess. 

Rush,  instead  of  spirit,  or  energy. 

River,  English  say  ''  the  river  Thames."  Ameri- 
cans say,  '*  the  Ohio  river." 

Safe,  instead  of  sure,  certain. 

Sauce,  instead  of  culinary  vegetables  and  roots. 

Save,  instead  of  to  make  sure,  or  to  kill. 

Saw  instead  of  jokc^  or  trick.    To  run  a  saw  on  him 

Scallawag,  instead  of  vile  fellow,  or  scamp. 


VULGARISMS    IJV  COJYVERSATIOJV.      225 

Scare  tip,  instead  of  to  find. 

Scary,  instead  of  easily  scared. 

School  Ma'am,  instead  of  school  mistress  or  teacher 

Scooped  him  in,  instead  of  inveigled. 

Scoot,  instead  of  to  walk  fast. 

Scratch,  {no  great)  instead  of  value.  • 

Scraiojiy,  instead  of  spare,  cr  bony. 

Scrimp,  instead  of  scanty.     Of  doubtful  propriety 

Scroiige,  instead  of  to  crowd. 

Scrumptions^  instead  of  scrupulous. 

Sciip,  instead  of  swing. 

Scnrry,  instead  of  to  scour,  to  run  in  haste. 

Scurse,  Scuss,  instead  of  scarce. 

Seen,  instead  of  saw. 

Serious,  instead  of  religious. 

Serve  np,  {to)  instead  of  to  expose  to  ridicule. 

Set,  instead  of  obstinate  ;  as,  a  set  man. 

Set,  instead  of  to  fix,  or  to  obstruct,  or  to  stop. 

Settle,  {to)  instead  of  ordained.     He  settled  in  the 

ministry  very  young. 
Shack,  instead  of  a  vagabond. 
Shake  a  stick  at.     A  vulgar  comparative. 
Shanghai,  instead  of  fop. 
Shew,  (pronounced  shoo)^  instead  of  showed.      1 

shew  him  the  difierence.     A  very  vulgar  error. 
10* 


226  -^^2^   OF  COJVVERSATIOJV 

Shimmy  ^  instead  of  chemise. 

^hin  round.     To  flj  about. 

S/ii?idi/,  instead  of  a  riot,  a  liking,  or  fancy. 

Shi?ie.     Show,  display.    She  cut  a  shine.     Also,  tc 
succeed  with.     He  shines  up  to  her. 
^  Shingle y  instead  of  sign.  / 

Shinplaster,     A  small  bank-note. 

Shote.     A  worthless  fellow. 

Shyster.  A  low  lawyer.  A  word  of  filthy  Ger- 
man origin,  and  utterly  unfit  to  use. 

Sick.  Sickness  is  only  applicable  to  nausea,  or  sick- 
ness at  the  stomach.  It  is  the  common  Ameri- 
can word  for  ill. 

Sight.     A  great  many,  a  deal. 

Skeary.,  instead  of  scary. 

Skedaddle^  [to)  instead  of  to  escape,  or  to  depart 

Skimped^  instead  of  scanty. 

Slantendictdar.     Aslant. 

Slick  upy  {to)  instead  of  to  make  fine. 

Slimsy,  instead  of  flimsy. 

Slink.     A  sneaking  fellow. 

Slipe,     A  distance. 

Slop*.    To  run  away,  to  evade. 

Smart.  In  America,  smart  is  used  as  signifying 
quick,  or  shrewd.  In  England,  it  usttally  has  the 
meaning  of  showy. 


VULGARISMS   IJS"  COJSTVERSATIOJST.      22T 

Smart  chance^  instead  of  a  good  opportunity.  Like 
it,  we  have  a  smart  piece,  and  a  smart  sprinkle. 

Smouch,  {to)  instead  of  to  cheat.  A  Jew,  in  Eng- 
land is  vulgarly  called  a  smouch. 

Snake  {to).  To  crawl  like  a  snake.  To  cunningly 
advance  towards  one. 

Snarl,  instead  of  an  entangled  quarrel. 

Snippy,  snippish,  instead  of  finical,  or  conceited. 

So,  instead  of  such.  ''  Prof.  W ,  who  has  ac- 
quired so  high  distinction." — Bartlett. 

^ockdolloger.     A  final  argument,  or  blow. 

Sock.     Sock  down.     To  pay  money  down. 

Soft  sodder,  soap.     Flattery,  soft  persuasion. 

Some.  Of  some  account,  famous.  Of  the  same 
application,  some  pumpkins. 

Soon^  instead  of  early.     Sooner,  very  soon,  instead 
of  at  once,  or  directly,  or  soon. 
'  Sozzle.     To  immerse.     To  move  whi^e  dipping. 

Sound  on  the  goose.     True,  staunch. 

Span  of  horses.  An  Americanism  applied  to  a 
pair,  and  always  implies  resembance.  "The  word 
signifies,  properly,  the  same  as  yoke,  when  applied 
to  hcrned  cattle." — Bartlett. 

Spark  {to).     To  court. 

Spat.     A  slap,  a  quarrel. 


228  -^^^  OF  COJKTERSATIOJV. 

Specie,  instead  of  species.     Specie  is  hard  mDncy. 
/Spell.     A  turn  of  work.     A  time,  an  interval. 
iSpit  curl.     A  lock  of  hair  curled  upon  the  temple 
Split.     A  division,  dissension.     Also,  a  rapid  pace  j 

as,  full  split.     To  inform  on. 
Splurge.     A  blustering  demonstration,  a  swagger,  a 

dash. 
Spoopsy      A  silly  fellow. 
Sposh.     Mud,  or  snow  and  water. 
Spread  oneself  (to).     To  make  great  efforts. 
Spread  eagle.    Applied  to  vulgar  rant  and  bombast: 

It  is  rapidly  becoming  a  very  contemptuous  term. 
Spree  {to).     To  riot,  and  get  drunk. 
Sprouts  {a  course  of).    A  severe  initiation.     The 

term  is  derived  from  the  Thompsonian  practice. 

"  Vegetable.'' 
Spry.     Lively,  active.     Provincial  in  England. 
Spunk.     Spirit,  vivacity.     A  very  vulgar  word. 
Spiaivk,  instead  of  a  failure. 
Squiggle.     To  wriggle. 
Squirt.     A  coxcomb.     A  vulgar  word. 
Squush.     To  crush. 
Stag.     Where  only  male  persons  are  assembled.    A 

stag  party. 
Stamping  ground.     A  favorite  aud  familiar  pUce 

of  resort. 


VULGARISMS  J,V  COJ^VERSATIOJW     229 

Stand.     The  situation  ot  a  place  of  business. 

Stand  treat  {to).     To  pay  for  a  treat. 

Stave  along.     To  hurry  onward. 

Steamboat.     A  dashing,  go-ahead  character. 

Steepj  or  tall.     Great,  magnificent. 

Stick  {to).     To  impose  upon,  to  render  liable. 

Stopj  {to)  instead  of  to  stay  for  a  time. 

Stoiitj  instead  of  obstinate. 

Straight  out.     Downright,  candid. 

Strapped.     Wanting  money.  * 

Streaked^  streaky ^  instead  of  alarmed. 

Streak  it  {to).     To  run  fast. 

Stretch  {on  a).     Continuously. 

String.     A  row,  a  number. 

Stripe.     Pattern,  sort. 

Stuffy.     Angry,  obstinate,  sulky. 

Stump  {to).     To  challenge.     To  confound 

Suck  in  {to).     To  deceive.     A  low  word. 

Sucker.     A  mean  fellow.     A  drunkard.     One  who 

imposes  or  preys  on  others. 
Susjjicion^  {to)  instead  of  to  suspect. 
Swap,  sivop,  instead  of  barter,  or  exchange. 
Systemize,   {to)  instead  of  to  systematize.      "  A 

word  rarely  used  by  good  writers." — Worcest Eii 


230  -^-^2^  OF  COJVVERSATIOJSr, 

Take  to  do  (to).     To  take  to  task.     To  T^prove. 

'  Taint  J  instead  of  it  is  not. 

Take  the  back  track  {to).     To  recede. 

Take  the  rag  of  {to).     To  surpass. 

Take  on  {to).     To  grieve,  mourn. 

Talk^  (a)  instead  of  conversation,  or  discussion. 

Tall^  instead  of  fine,  splendid,  or  grand. 

Tavern.     In  England,  only  food  or  drink,  and  noft 

lodging,  is  provided  at  a  tavern. 
Tax,  instead  of  charge.    What  do  you  tax  us  for  it  ? 
Team.     A  person  of  energy.     He  is  a  whole  team. 
Teetotally .,    Entirely,  totally. 
Tell^  instead  of  report.     A  compliment ;  as,  I've  a 

tell  for  you. 
Tell  on  {to).     To  tell  of,  to  tell  about.     - 
Tend,  instead  of  attend,  or  wait. 
The.     Vulgarly  used  before  the  names  of  diseases ; 

as,  he  died  of  the  cholera.     Many  persons  say,  he 

speaks  the  French,  or  the  German.     The  correct 

mode  of  expression  would  be,  he  speaks  French, 

or  the  French  language. 
There.     Used  for  the  future  tense  with  I  am  ;  as, 

I'm  there. 
This  here,  and  that  there,  for  this,  and  that. 
Those  sort  of  things,  instead  of  that  sort  of  things. 


VULGARISMS    IJST  COJVVERSATIOJS'       231 

Throw  in.     To  contribute. 

Thundering,  instead  of  very. 

Tie  to.  instead  of  to  trust,  to  rely  on. 

Tight,  instead  of  tipsy. 

Tight  place  —  squeeze,  instead  of  a  diflSculty. 

To,  instead  of  in,  or  at.     He  is  to  home. 

Toe  the  mark  {to).     To  fulfil  obligations. 

Top  notch.     The  highest  point. 

Tote,  instead  of  to  carry. 

Touch.     No  touch  to  it.    Not  to  be  compared  to  it. 

Trainers,  trabiing.     The  militia  when  assembled 

for  exercise. 
Travel,  instead  of  to  depart. 
Try  on,  instead  of  to  try. . 
Tuckered  out.     Fatigued,  exhausted. 
Tuck,  for  took. 
Transient.     A  transient  boarder.    Not  used  in  this 

sense  in  England. 
Transpire,  instead  of  to  happen,  or  to  be  done. 

Uncommon,  instead  of  uncommonly. 

Up  to  the  hub.     To  the  extreme. 

Upper  ten-thousand  [the).     A  silly  slang  term  foi 

the  higher  circles  of  society. 
Use  up,  (Jo)  instead  of  to  exhaust. 


282  -^RT  OF  COJVVERSATIOJV. 

Vamose.     (Let  us  go.     Spanish.)     Used  instead  of 

depart,  be  off.     To  vamose  the  ranch. 
Vum,  (/)  instead  of  I  vow,  or  declare. 

Wake  up  the  wrong  passenger  {to).  To  make  a 
mistake  as  to  an  individual. 

Walk  chalk.     To  walk  straight. 

Walk  into  {to).  To  take  the  advantage  of.  To 
punish,  or  treat  severely. 

Walking  papers.     Orders  to  leave  •  dismissal. 

Wallop  {to).     To  beat. 

Wamble  cropt.     Depressed ;  humiliated. 

Wa^nt,  instead  of  was  not,  and  were  not. 

Want  to  know  ?  Do  tell  7  Very  vulgar  inter- 
jections. 

Ways,     Way,  distance,  space. 

Ways.  No  tivo  ways  about  it,  instead  of  the  fact 
is  just  so. 

Well  to  do  —  to  live^  instead  of  well  off. 

We?it.  You  should  have  went,  instead  of  you 
should  have  gone. 

Whap  over  {to).     To  knock  over. 

Whapper,  whopper.    Anything  uncommonly  largo. 

What  for  a.  What  for  a  man  is  that  ?  instead  vt 
what  kind  of  a  man  is  that  ? 


VULGARISMS  JJV  COJVVERSATIOJT.      233 

IVhichj  instead  of'  what,  who,  he,  they.  Also  very 
vulgarly  used  as  a  pleonasm.  Mr.  Brown  which 
he  said  he  would  go. 

While,  instead  of  till,  or  until.    Stay  while  I  come . 

Whittled  down  to.     Reduced. 

Whole  heap.     Many,  all,  several,  much. 

Whole  soided.  Noble  minded.  ''  A  phrase  in  great 
favor  with  persons  fond  of  fine  talking." —  Bart- 

LETT. 

Whole  team.     A  general  compliment,  implying  tho 

possession  of  many  powers. 
Wide  awake,  instead  of  on  the  alert. 
Wilt  down  {to).     To  depress. 
Wind  up,  instead  of  to  silence  ;  to  settle. 
Wire  edge.     The  edge  removed  in  the  form  of  a 

strip  when  sharpening  a  tool.     It  is  incorrectly 

used  to  signify  a  sharp,  or  fine  edge. 
Wool  over  the  eyes  {to  draw  the).     To  impose  on. 
Worryment.     Trouble,  anxiety. 
Worst  kind  of,  instead  of  in  the  worst  or  severest 

manner. 
Wi^ath.     Like  all  wrath,  instead  of  violently. 
Wrathy,  instead  of  angry. 
Yank.     A  jerk.   To  yank,  to  bring  forth  ;  pull  out  * 

manipulate. 


234  -^RT  OF  C0JVVERSAT10J>r, 

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